I am not sure if my experience is worth sharing. I do it with the hope that it may help some people who may have gone through the same or similar experiences. Those who have not gone through such tough and shameful passages may not understand their pull or their destructive impact. I shall write it down just as I remember it.
When I joined religious life, I had only one desire—to be a good sister. I enjoyed my novitiate days and I was waiting for the day to commit myself to the Lord in service of his people. I was happy to be a religious.
After my first vows I was assigned to a community far from where I had joined. I did various types of work—volunteering in a hospital nearby and helping our community with routines jobs. I felt happy working with patients, especially children. So, too, it was a joy doing all I could for my community. I was young and full of enthusiasm.
Loneliness Sets In—and then…
One thing I missed was community support. Each one was busy with her work. We did not seem to care for one another. I started feeling lonely. As for the work, it all became dull routine after some time.
That was the time I started watching pornography. At the beginning, I watched just out of curiosity. I had been exposed to this type of pictures and videos when I was in the X standard, but had not picked up this habit. But now I found myself watching porn more and more. In fact, I feel ashamed to say, very soon I was watching porn every day.
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