Testimonies

Jones shares with us in all honesty the mistakes he made that led to his separation from his wife and son, loss of his job, desperation and attempted suicide, seeking answers from astrologers and finally finding peace and happiness in the Lord

Praise the Lord!

I’m Jones, forty-three years old, an Indian married and living in Sri Lanka. I was brought up in a traditional Catholic family. I served as an altar boy, and my biggest ambition was to become a priest, which eventually changed after my school days. My two brothers and I hated drinking, since we suffered a lot with my father, who is an alcoholic. After finishing my B.Sc. degree at Chennai, I was working as a Video Editor for a TV Channel and had a decent income.

            In 2008, I got married to one of my relatives in Sri Lanka. Life was good, and nothing to complain about. In March 2014, I left my job and wanted to do my own business, which was one of the bad decisions I took. Since I was doing work from home, I had a lot of free time and I was distracted by many things after work. I started to spend more time on social media and got caught up with my addictions. I would like to mention something here, which I think will be relevant. I always had a thought that I don’t drink or smoke which is mainly projected as the sin. I thought that other addictions are not counted as sins. So, I went on with my addictions which made me stay away from the family and into my own dark world, with evil desires.

Marriage on the Rocks

My sinfulness I fell into an unholy relationship. I started lying and cheating, started fighting with my wife, and had no care, love, or happiness inside my family. I went away from my responsibilities and there was a gap building between me and my wife, and even between me and my son. I always was feeling scared about getting caught for my wrongdoing. There was no peace at all. As is it said, you cannot hide your sin for long and it will be brought to light one day. Finally, I was caught one day but then they weren’t sure whether the relationship was sure unless I admitted it. I lied then also without accepting my sin. Fearing for my life, I flew to India to be with my mother, thinking I would never return to Sri Lanka. Basically, I ran away.

N. Jones

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“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ (Jeremiah 29:11)

I believe that this verse was made specifically for my life, starting from the time of my conception.

I was born to a multilingual, intercultural and interreligious family. My mother was a Malayali Catholic and my father was a Bengali Hindu. While growing up, I was exposed to both the religions and had a neutral mind set on who God was. My most favourite person in the world was my father. He was like the centre of my life.

On October 3, 1999, I lost my father to a tragic traffic accident—a head-on collision. With that, things began to go downhill. Being an elder sibling, I was perceived to be the most understanding one who would by default adjust to the situation then. My sister was given a lot of attention and fuss, as she was only three at that time. All felt she would miss her father more. But the actual truth was just the reverse. I, who had experienced my father’s love and affection in person, missed him more. The sudden change in scenario made me more jealous towards my sister. This jealousy slowly took the form of hatred in my heart. I used to hit her and was very impatient with her.

That’s when we entered the gates of Divine Retreat Centre in 2000 and experienced God’s love for the first time in our lives. I benefited especially from the children’s retreat. My spiritual progress in God’s love was a slow and steady healing process, which took around fifteen years. Every year we used to go meticulously for summer retreats to Divine, and each year I would overcome an inner wound and grow more in faith. But I still found myself unworthy to serve him. Being a part of any ministry never occurred to me. I thought that only the holy ones with gifts and visions are called serve the Lord.

In the 2014 power youth conference, Fr Rob Galea from Australia spoke about the ministry of St Peter. He said that Peter was the most ineligible member among disciples to be a leader, but on him stands the foundation of the catholic church. Moved by this awareness, I started my ministry service and joined the Chennai Magnificat in 2015. While being a volunteer, I learnt how to do intercessory prayers and see God’s will in each and everything that happens around me. Being a part of the children’s ministry came as a surprise, as my past history with my baby sister was not very pleasant. Then again, who would understand the pain and inner wounds of a child more than me? My patience and gratitude increased as I praised God with the little ones. As years progressed, I was a part of collecting prayer requests from Chennai Magnificat and sending it to Divine Retreat Centre. While doing so, I used to pray over each and every request and type them in my laptop.

Nibedita Dey

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“For the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from you, if you return to Him” (2Corinthians 30:9b)

I had a very bitter childhood. The arguments and fights at home between my parents were so intense that all the frustration was poured out on me and my brother. I had many times questioned God saying, “Why was I born in this family?”

On the other hand, my mom was truly an inspiration for me in knowing and loving Jesus. No matter what the state was at home, we always prayed the family rosary, which has miraculously kept me and my family united in the Lord. Yet there were constant fights and peaceless situations at home.

In studies, I wasn’t as smart as my brother and was compared with him often by my family members. This developed a strong ‘good for nothing’ feeling in me. I I felt rejected and unloved, faced many humiliations wherever I went. I couldn’t even do my best in my board exams.

When I got exposed to certain unholy videos during my junior college days, I began to find pleasure and satisfy my emotional needs with them involving myself in self-abuse, which later became a kind of addiction for me. I got into things that were destroying my soul, my behavior at home began to get worse. I was more aggressive, disrespectful and almost hated life itself. With all these negative emotions welling up in me, my heart was searching for Love. Observing my intolerable behavior at home, my mom forced me to attend a retreat at Tabor Ashram in Mumbai. In the first retreat, God touched my conscience and opened my eyes to see the filth I was in.

I also received the gift of forgiveness towards my parents. This happened when the Word of God was broken to me. Reconciling with my parents, I began a new life in Christ, a purposeful one. Yet it was hard for me to give up on the addictions I was into. I was fearful and ashamed to even confess that grave sin at holy confession. Yet God was patient with me. (2 Peter 3:9)

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I am Dilan, hailing from Tuticorin, South Tamilnadu.  I am twenty-three years old.

Although I was gifted with a wonderful God-fearing and Catholic upbringing and was even privileged to have few God experiences when I just 5-6 years old, I was enticed by the worldly acts of my childhood friends which I had no idea about. One day I prayed to God and said, “I am not interested in being a good person as my parents taught me to be. Rather, I want to be like my friends.” I just went my way and then on, I started living like my friends and I desired to make my friends happy. I loved being with them and I even preferred to be with them rejecting the caring presence of my parents.

Downfall

Days went on and nothing changed much in my character. During my adolescence, I gave into the emotions and feelings of my body rather than me controlling it. I desired the pleasure of watching filthy movies which brought me nothing but sexual arousal. Later, I started using my body as an instrument for sexual pleasure. I became dreadfully addicted to pornography and masturbation, so much so that I would almost faint after indulging in both multiple times within a very short span. Then, I understood that, even if I try to reduce the frequency of such bad habits, I wasn’t able to. I stood helpless and hopeless, trying to fight them by myself. I ran into depression as I was doing the very thing I wanted to stop.

I remained a victim of these bad habits for about five years Eventually, my wonderful photographic memory power went to a point that I would forget what I ate that morning. I was physically, mentally and spiritually impacted. It was at that time my father (who was healed of certain illnesses by God during a retreat at Divine Retreat Center (DRC), Kerala in 2004) began to fall ill again  after ten years, and my mother fell sick too. My family started to become more and more financially burdened that we literally had to take loans in order to pay the monthly interests/dues to private financiers and banks. I could not accept it. I wanted to run away from this reality.

I went to college. There, I got into flirting and immoral relationships. My study habits deteriorated. My grades fell.

Thoughts of Suicide

In October 2017, I just managed to pass in a subject in which I should have done well. Had I failed, I would have had to discontinue my studies. The reason was that I had taken an educational loan, which included a condition that I should not fail even in one paper.

I felt so vulnerable and depressed that I started thinking of suicide. I almost took that tragic step.

M DILAN

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I was twenty-twp, a final year MBA student, when I willingly attended a retreat for the first time. My two previous retreats were mandatory ones organized by the educational institutions I studied in. My rebellious streak ensured 100% resistance to whatever happened in those programmes!

This retreat, though—a neighbouring parish event preached by resources from the Divine Retreat Center—was different. I woke up the morning of the first day hearing a voice in my head, “go to the retreat!” This voice was persistent and sort of irresistible. I still remember a part of me thinking, “I’m going mad with hallucinations”, when I stepped into the church.

At that time, I was the first to ridicule spiritual folks—especially the charismatics. I took great pleasure in cracking jokes at their expense! I was never a serious Christian, and religion seemed like a futile exercise in ‘salvation by fear’ more than anything else, and I wanted no part in it.

And yet, something happened during this retreat. The voice in my head wouldn’t relent until I responded to the preaching and the worship. And, during the final adoration session, this voice kept challenging me to give up the many gods in my life—love of money, music, hatred of certain people, and so on. I ended up surrendering my life to Jesus and experiencing His presence. The encounter was tangible… almost physical… so real and unforgettable. It was like becoming a vessel, and God was pouring His presence into me, filling me with a crazy joy and awareness of Him.

Never the Same Again

I just knew I would never be the same again in those moments. God transformed me into what I had mocked the most till then—a charismatic Christian. God has a brilliant sense of humour, I guess!

Gangai Victor

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I am making my retreat at Ennore, Chennai, as I write this Testimony. Though something special happened to me in the past few months, I did not think of writing it till I read the testimony of Royston D’Souza in the February issue of MAGNET. I said to myself: Why not give my testimony about the wonder God has done in my life. I have received many blessings in my life in the past, but this was something extraordinary and unexplainable. Until then I did not experience the power of others’ prayers; but now I know that more than my prayer the prayer of those who are close to me has tremendous impact on me. I say this with humble gratitude because I do not deserve this miracle from the Lord because I know and He knows who I am—a poor sinner. I am convinced that it is due to the prayers of those who remembered me in their prayers. Just like the servant of the centurion in the Gospel getting a cure from the Lord, not because the servant came and begged for cure, but because of the tremendous faith the humble Centurion showed in Jesus. I believe it is the faith of the people around me that made this possible.

Fr Antoniraj SDB

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Is it possible to wholly trust God with your future when your past is marred with pain?

I was not fortunate enough to be born in a Catholic family. I come from a staunch Hindu home. All through my life I kept searching for God.

Seeking and Finding

In Jeremiah 29:13, the Lord says, “If you search for me, you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart.” It was only when I reached first year of college, I casually went to the famous St Michael’s Church in Mumbai to attend a Novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. At the end of that Novena, I had tears streaming down my face. It was as if I had met Mother Mary in person. As the prayer goes, “Lead us to Jesus, your loving Son.” it was Mary who led me closer and closer to her Son Jesus.

I was the only child of my parents. Usually when I say, “only child,” people assume I must have been very pampered. In my case, it was just the opposite. My childhood was filled with loneliness, depression and sadness. My parents were constantly busy making ends meet. I never experienced their love. My dad was a very strict man. Just one look from him was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I was so afraid of him. So, for nine long years it remained a secret between my Jesus and me.

In the year 1998, I went for my first retreat to Divine Retreat Centre in Kerala. Though still a Hindu at this retreat, I received the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. I was blessed with the gift of praying in tongues and also received the Spirit of boldness to face the world outside. I was no longer afraid of what my parents would do, but couldn’t imagine another day without Jesus.

Irma Raymond

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My name is Royston D’Souza. I come from Tiruchirapalli, Tamilnadu. I was born and brought up in Roman Catholic family. My father was an officer in the Railways and subsequently in BHEL. My mother was a teacher. I am the fifth in a family of seven (four boys, three girls). I did my school education in Campion Anglo-Indian Higher Secondary School, Trichy, and my diploma in Seshasayee Institute of Technology. I got a job in BHEL. I did my BE in the Regional Engineering College.

I am married and God blessed us with three sons. I used to go to church daily and I thought I was a good Christian. I did not lack anything.

Life was going on smoothly when suddenly, in June ‘92, a few red spots appeared on my left forearm. I taught it must have been an insect bite while plucking flowers to put near the photo of my mother, who had died in 1983. I did not take notice of this since it did not give me pain, but after a few months these spots started to get bigger. My wife asked me to visit the doctor. I went to the skin specialist, who examined and gave me medicine for fifteen days, asking me to return if the spots did not disappear. After fifteen days of treatment, the spots did not go away.

Diagnosis: Shocking beyond words

I was playing in a band and, as we were booked for all the functions for Christmas and New Year, we were busy with practice and I did not see the doctor. During the first week of Jan ‘93, these spots became patches and started spreading all over my body. I felt numbness in my left fingers, I found that I was losing sensation in my skin. My ears lobe started to pain. I told my wife of this and I met the doctor. who asked me why I had not come after fifteen days. I told the doctor of my busy programme with the band. After a thorough examination, the doctor told me, “D’Souza, I do not know how you will take it. You are suffering from leprosy.”

 I got the shock of my life. I started arguing with the doctor: How is it possible for me to contract this without any physical contact? The doctor told me, “There are many ways of contracting this disease, I do not know how you have got it, but the fact is you are suffering from leprosy.”

He recommended me to go to “The Sacred Heart Leprosy Centre,” Kumbakonam. I was totally shattered. I went home and, before my wife could ask me what the doctor said, I started weeping. I told my wife, and she started weeping. We did not know what to do. I told my father, and he wept, I told my mother-in-law and father-in-law, and they wept. I did not tell anyone else.

On January 14, 1993, I went to the Sacred Heart Leprosy Centre, Kumbakonam. I was examined by Doctor Thompson. After conducing lab tests, he confirmed that I was suffering from leprosy, that it was positive and in the reactive (infectious) stage. He started me on multi-drug therapy and gave me instructions that I should do no manual work, must not get worried or tensed, and I should be secluded to prevent my family members from getting the disease.

Two years of treatment

The treatment was for a year. Every month I had to go for a checkup. I went home desperate. I cannot tell you how I felt while I was sitting amongst lepers waiting to see the doctor. I asked God why I was given this sickness. What had I done? I started wearing long sleeve shirts to cover the patches on my hands.  I did not have any patches on my face.

A terrible fear entered my life. I was very afraid of death. I became very superstitious and was wondering what people would think of me if they know I was suffering from leprosy. I could not get sleep at night for days. I lost my peace of mind.

My wife went through a lot of suffering during this time. Leprosy can be cured, but it takes a long time (years). Two thousand years ago, during Jesus’ time, lepers were considered sinners and cursed by God. They were outcast and looked down by society. Today this situation has not changed much, with the stigma attached to this disease. I tried to end my life on more than two occasions, but God saved my life.

I was very fair. The medicine taken settled under the skin and made me dark. My friends used to tell me, “D’Souza, something is wrong with you.” I would tell them lies—that my children were giving me trouble, or that I did not get proper sleep. How could I tell them the truth?! I pretended that nothing was wrong with me.

After a year of treatment the doctor told me that I needed another year of treatment. I took it. I visited The Sacred Heart Leprosy Centre twenty-six times. The doctor then told me the treatment was over, but I had no feeling in my skin, I had numbness in my left fingers, my ear lobes used to pain and, if I happen to hit my hand on anything, my bone would pain very badly, but my skin had no feeling. I could cut my skin;  blood would come out, but I had no pain.

An Unexpected Voice

It happened in the first week of February 1995. I was talking on the telephone to a friend when there was cross connection. A voice said, “D’Souza, you are going to Chalakudy.”

I recognized the person who spoke. His name is Arulraj. I did not know why he said what he did. He did not know my situation. He started meeting me and telling me that I was going to Chalakudy. I had no idea about the Divine Retreat Centre, nor did I have faith. I told him I could not go, as my wife is a teacher and it was exam time for my children. I told my wife about this experience. A few teachers working along with my wife had visited Divine and told her about this retreat centre. My wife and I talked this over, and decided to give it a try. I inquired about the food which was served at Divine, as I was used to eating very good food four times a day. Myself and my wife went to Divine during the last week of April ‘95.

I went to Divine for only one reason: to get mental peace. I attended the retreat on the first day and was told to say, “Praise the Lord!” to shout “Alleluia!” and to clap our hands and to raise them up and to pray. At the end of the day, nothing happened.

The second day, after the talks on sin, time for Confession. I got a flash back of all the sins I committed from my youth. I took a pen and paper and started writing them down one by one. I made a very good Confession. After that I found myself very light, as if some great load had been removed from me. I tell you, this was the best confession I ever made in my life.

Something Beyond Expectations

The third day was a day of surrender and physical healing. During this physical healing, the preacher prays with all present in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament and after the prayer he will announce the healing.

Something totally unexpected happened during that prayer.

I felt something like an electric shock from my head right down to my feet. I did not know what was happening. I was crying. At that moment, the preacher on the dais said: “Two persons here have been healed of skin disease.” Without my knowledge, I stood up. I found that the numbness of my fingers had gone, I could feel sensation in my skin, my ear pain had gone, all dryness of the skin where the patches were disappeared, my skin came to normal. I was totally healed! I could not believe my eyes! Me and my wife, we were filled with utter joy. I did not want to disclose this to anyone, but then I heard a voice from inside saying, “Go, tell everyone what I have done for you.”

That same evening, in presence of eighteen thousand people, I bore witness to the miracle God had done in my life. Words cannot explain this utterly blissful experience of the touch of God. I came to Divine Retreat Centre only for mental peace, but God healed me physically, mentally, spiritually.  I got mental peace. My fear was gone.

From that day until today I have not visited the doctor or taken any medicine for this disease. I returned home to my family and friends, who were wonder struck. I visited many parishes and bore witness to God’s love. Many people have visited Divine and were delivered from their bondages. I have never looked back. Although I am a sinner, God has worked many more miracles in my life. He has brought me closer to Him and has given me the gift of praying for others. Many of my relatives and friends contact me in time of crisis. My loving God hears my cry.

Today, when I look back on my life, I have gone through a lot of problems and crises. Many times I have slipped back, but, as soon as I call on Him, He gives the courage and strength to overcome all difficulties. Prayer, Holy Mass, Bible-reading, reciting the Rosary, and prayer meetings have become an integral part of my life. My prayer is that all of you may have that blissful touch of the Lord Jesus. Alleluia!

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Happy by Forgiving and Deciding to be Happy

Fr Abraham Kadaplackel SDB, 89 years (popularly known as Fr K V Abraham),
Spiritual Director, Salesian Theologate, Kavarapettai, Chennai,
former Rector, Sacred Heart Major Seminary, Chennai.

Father KV, you are known as a happy and contented person. What is the main reason or what are the main reasons for your contentment?
No ill-feeling against anyone, and praying daily for those who may have hurt me. Accepting myself as I am. I am from an economically poor background, but I was blessed with extremely good parents and a good family. Another gift: Enjoying a sense of humour.

Looking back, can you share with us some of the persons who inspired you most, and what you learnt from each of them.
Fr. Med, Fr. Murphy, Fr. Dennis, Archbishop Arulappa.
Fr. John Med SDB (was Rector of the Aspirantate, then provincial): His great, sincere, sacrificing love for us, aspirants. His great love for Don Bosco and the Congregation, His exemplary life.
Fr. Joseph Murphy SDB (was Principal, Sacred Heart College, Tiruppattur): Cheerful, simple life-style, genuine love and concern for the poorer college students. He never went to bed without asking pardon even of the youngest aspirant, whom he might have shouted at during the foot-ball game.
Fr. Dennis Duarte SDB (was Dean of Studies in the Aspirantate):  A strict disciplinarian (of the forties), but very kind and helpful. Many of us remember him with great gratitude.
Archbishop Arulappa of Madras-Mylapore: He accepted his poor family background. He had genuine love for priests, especially those in difficulties. He was convinced. He had a deep spirituality. …

NOT RETIRED FROM LIFE!

Sr Mariazinha Carvalho PBVM lives in Goa. She was principal of Sacred Heart Matriculation School, Chennai, and then a missionary in Zambia

Several people asked me, “Sister, have you retired?” I stopped to think and ask myself, “Retired from what?” From religious life, ministry, living fully????  Certainly, not from living life fully!!!!

The issue of ageing did not dawn on me until February 2007, in Zambia, when I was diagnosed with cancer. Being “Number 8” on the Enneagram, I’ve always been an independent person. When I was diagnosed with this illness, I thought to myself, ‘If so many people have cancer, why can’t I be one of them?’

It is only when I began the treatment, after the surgery, at AIIMS, Delhi, that I felt I was totally dependent, and that was not at all easy!!! I had so many people attending to me, my family, the sisters and others. Throughout my therapy (radiation and chemo) of over six months, I never gave up being positive, telling myself, ‘All was well, all is well, all will be well.’ This I attribute to the grace of God, not myself. It was possible only due to Divine intervention. I have experienced  being at death’s door eight times—three drowning incidents , one bus accident, three car accidents and the last one was on Christmas Day 2007, when all thought I was almost  dead after the fifth cycle of chemotherapy. Someone remarked, ‘Eight means wait !!!’ …

FROM MOVIES TO GOD,
FROM POLITICS TO MEDIA MINISTRY

Bro Jesudass Amirthan SSP
Executive Secretary, NARBI

Brother Jesudass, you come across as a joyful and optimistic person. What is the secret of your joyful spirit?
There was an extraordinary intervention in my life by Jesus: I failed in my SSLC in 1972, became a farmer in my village, entered politics at the insistence of our village elders, became a member of Congress Party, joined Kamaraj and Jayaprakash Narayan’s Satyagraha Movement, which sent me to Poonamallee (Chennai) jail! Later got employed as a junior Clerk in Poonamallee.
Finally, in 1976, something happened that changed me. I went to Dhyana Ashram, Mylapore, Chennai, for an annual retreat for the youth.
There I encountered Christ face to face, and distinctly heard Him calling me by name. He pursued me even when I escaped from the encountered sight to the Chapel and shut the door, but He walked in, through the locked door and gave me a capturing smile. That was my road to Damascus, a ‘Hound of Heaven’ moment. It is this extraordinary encounter with Jesus, and His constant presence in me, that has made me an optimistic person with joyful spirit.

You must have faced hardships and tough situations. What gives you the strength to face and overcome them?
After the extraordinary experience of Jesus which I have just mentioned, I knew I am called for an extraordinary life, but I did not know where to go and what to do. After the youth retreat at the Dhyana Ashram, I went to the Connemara Government Central Library in Chennai. There I found an adverisement at the back cover page of  Katholikka Sevai, a Tamil Catholic magazine. The announcement was from Society of St Paul and it captured me: “Young man, do you want to preach Jesus through Modern Means of Communication, like Cinema, Radio and Television?”
I had failed in my SSLC mainly due to cutting classes and watching movies in theatres. Now an opportunity was knocking that I can preach Jesus through Mass Media such as Cinema, Radio, and Television etc. In June 1976, I entered Society of St Paul to become overnight an apostle of modern means of communication.
To my surprise, I found no movies to see, no television to watch, no radio stations for preaching. That very night I went to the chapel, closed the doors and windows , and asked Jesus to come and explain the predicament. It was almost midnight.
Jesus came (I felt), and explained that it was true that these modern things are not there in India, but he assured me that all these things would be realized in and through me, and that He would equip me for that. …

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