In the 15th year of my Religious life, God gave me a wonderful message: Get wedded to silence.
Silence from the need for self-justification, from the need to argue and prove my worth, from the need for name and fame and from the need to be appreciated and approved by others. One fine evening, I began to ask myself what more the Lord wants from me, besides my teaching profession. The answer that knocked at the door of my heart was, “Be my Witness” (Acts 1: 8), but how? Hardly had I known then that to be a witness to Christ means to die to myself, to my self-righteous ways, to my merely rational thinking, to my judgemental attitudes and so on.
Slowly and steadily, the Lord began to mould me and shape me. This was my desire, too, as I love to sing often the hymn, “Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way; thou art the potter, I am the clay; mould me and make me after thy will.” Often, I used to tell the Lord: I do not love others as I ought to or as you wish me to. Then I happened to read the words of an author called Kyle Idleman, “We love others best, when we love God most.” Here I caught the secret. One day, in the secret of my heart, I told the Lord that I wanted to love Him round the clock. The Lord took seriously what I had whispered in secret. He then sent days and months where I could go to no one except to Him for love and consolation, for strength and support, for refuge and rest. His invisible presence enabled me to embrace each day and make wisdom my guide, patience my companion and humility my strength.
Sr Nambikkai Kithari SAP
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