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“For the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from you, if you return to Him” (2Corinthians 30:9b)

I had a very bitter childhood. The arguments and fights at home between my parents were so intense that all the frustration was poured out on me and my brother. I had many times questioned God saying, “Why was I born in this family?”

On the other hand, my mom was truly an inspiration for me in knowing and loving Jesus. No matter what the state was at home, we always prayed the family rosary, which has miraculously kept me and my family united in the Lord. Yet there were constant fights and peaceless situations at home.

In studies, I wasn’t as smart as my brother and was compared with him often by my family members. This developed a strong ‘good for nothing’ feeling in me. I I felt rejected and unloved, faced many humiliations wherever I went. I couldn’t even do my best in my board exams.

When I got exposed to certain unholy videos during my junior college days, I began to find pleasure and satisfy my emotional needs with them involving myself in self-abuse, which later became a kind of addiction for me. I got into things that were destroying my soul, my behavior at home began to get worse. I was more aggressive, disrespectful and almost hated life itself. With all these negative emotions welling up in me, my heart was searching for Love. Observing my intolerable behavior at home, my mom forced me to attend a retreat at Tabor Ashram in Mumbai. In the first retreat, God touched my conscience and opened my eyes to see the filth I was in.

I also received the gift of forgiveness towards my parents. This happened when the Word of God was broken to me. Reconciling with my parents, I began a new life in Christ, a purposeful one. Yet it was hard for me to give up on the addictions I was into. I was fearful and ashamed to even confess that grave sin at holy confession. Yet God was patient with me. (2 Peter 3:9)

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The touching story of Archie Williams, condemned to life imprisonment without parole for a crime he did not commit, and spent thirty-seven years in jail—and yet did not become bitter or desperate.

“When somebody inflicts evil on you, it’s all about how we let it affect us mentally. If you harbour evil, it can destroy you. That’s a scientific fact, right there. I never harboured evil — even when I knew that the people that put me in prison knew that I was innocent. And I’m talking about from the top to the bottom; they knew. But I never allowed the evil spirit of it to live in my heart. I always say life is how we feel it. My dream is to pursue a career as a boxing coach and singer.” These are the inspiring words of Archie Williams, an innocent African American who was imprisoned for thirty-seven years for a crime he did not commit.

Archie Williams hails from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, United States. On 9 December 1982, a thirty-year-old woman was raped and stabbed in her Baton Rouge home in Louisiana by an unknown black male. On the 4 January 1983, twenty-two-year-old Archie Williams was arrested as the culprit, a crime he knew nothing about. He knew he was innocent, but, as a poor black kid, he didn’t have the financial or political clout to fight the state of Louisiana.

During his trial, it was discovered that fingerprints found at the crime scene were not his own. Williams also had three witnesses that came forward to testify that Williams was at home sleeping when the crime occurred. The victim herself wasn’t able to identify Williams as the culprit. The victim’s neighbour also said the culprit was taller than Williams. But the court succumbed after intense pressure by the police. Even with evidence showing that Williams was innocent, the state of Louisiana convicted Williams of the crime on April 21, 1983. He was sentenced to life imprisonment without a possibility of parole to a prison called “Angola,” known as the most violent and crime-ridden prison in the United States.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years and years into decades—with no help in sight. In prison, Williams watched the TV show “America’s Got Talent” all the time. He would visualize himself being there. He was twenty-two when he was jailed. He never gave up. What sustained him over the three decades of his wrongful imprisonment was his family, first and foremost, and also singing and boxing.  While at Angola, he coached the best boxing team in the prison’s history, winning numerous Louisiana state titles.  He also comes from a family of singers. When he felt knocked down in prison, he would pray and sing to the Lord and that was how he found peace in prison. He led music ministrations in the prison church singing and praising God. There is a documentary of Williams, “A Decade behind Bars: Return to the Farm.”

God Experience in Dark Cells

“I don’t know that it can be explained, but all it’s all about faith in God,” Williams says, when asked how he kept going through the fear and darkness of his time in a notorious prison. “My faith has always been with God, all my life,” he adds. “I have faith that God will guide me through whatever storm. I just trust.” As the Bible says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43). This was a lived experience for Williams. He never allowed the evil spirit of being angry and bitter at his conviction live in his heart.

Sr Lini Sheeja MSC

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Religious and priestly formation process until very recently gave little attention to the mental and emotional health of their candidates. The focus was on helping one become a good priest or religious with great emphasis on the religious and spiritual dimensions of life. The result was that many religious and priests remained emotionally immature, compromising their inter-personal and ministerial functioning. There is some research evidence to support the above statement.

Relevant Studies

A 1991 study by Lourdes, Patel and Paranjpe that compared the personality traits of 300 clergy (priests, sisters and seminarians) and 300 lay persons found that clergy on the whole were far less mature psychologically than lay persons. Of the eleven positive traits measured, lay persons scored more positively on nine. Of the eight negative traits, clergy faired worse on seven. “More clergy than lay persons were also characterized as having excessive nervousness, bad temper, exhibitionism, excessive conservatism and jealousy, and being easily led away…” (p. 131)

The studies on vocation and formation undertaken by Paul Parathazham and colleagues at Jnana Deepa, Pune, highlight serious gaps and flaws in our current formation practice. In one study (2006a) which investigated how seminarians and religious sisters assessed the effectiveness of their formation, most participants rated their peers in the society outside as better than themselves on all eight criteria of psychological and emotional maturity measured. As many as 36% of them felt that the formation they received, overall, was not worth the time and energy invested in it. Another study (2006b) which sought to elicit the views of formation personnel on issues and challenges in the formation of priests and religious in India concluded:

Human formation, which is the foundation of priestly formation, is arguably the most neglected aspect of formation in India. We seem to be concentrating all our efforts on building a spiritual “superstructure” without the human “base structure,” thus rendering the entire enterprise tenuous and futile. Every other aspect of formation, be it intellectual, spiritual, or pastoral, is institutionalized in seminaries with a specific programme, designated personnel, and prescribed activities or exercises. But for human formation there is no such programme in place. It is largely taken for granted!! (p. 7)

Recent Church documents stress the importance of human formation. In 2008, the Sacred Congregation for Catholic Education promulgated a document entitled, Guidelines for the Use of Psychology in the Admission and Formation of Candidates for the Priesthood. This document highlighted the need for a formation programme that fosters a solid psychological and affective maturity in the candidates to the priesthood.

Many of the views expressed in this document are not really new. More than fifty years ago, Vatican II (in the document, Perfectae Caritatis) had declared that only those should be accepted into religious and priestly life who “have the needed degree of psychological and emotional maturity” (1966, #12) and, more specifically, demonstrate a capacity “to develop a due degree of human maturity, attested to chiefly by a certain emotional stability, by an ability to make considered decisions and by a right manner of passing judgment on events and people” (Optatam Totius, 1966, #11). John Paul II’s Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Pastores Dabo Vobis (1992) had also stated emphatically that human dimension is the foundation of all formation and listed a series of human virtues and relational abilities needed in the priest.

FR JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB

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Let me start with a couple of quotes from people I admire:

Fr Peter Brocardo SDB, my rector when I was studying in Rome, had a knack of putting things simply and in appealing ways. Talking of obedience, he told us, “The Salesian with the greatest degree of initiative is the most obedient Salesian.”

Is that how you and I understand obedience—as a passion for doing good, an eagerness to reach out and help, a holy restlessness to do as much good as we can? Don’t we often reduce obedience to saying Yes to the superior or following the time-table?

Where on earth did we get pious-sounding phrases like, “The bell is the voice of God”? Did Jesus ever say that? He insisted on deep and genuine love, right to the point of being ready to die for someone else. He never gave us the bell or time-table as the marks of fidelity. Otherwise, a selfish person who likes to have meals on time, and turns up punctually for breakfast, lunch and supper would be the ideal religious!

Another quote—this time from St Benedict, the grand-father of all of us who have chosen organized religious life. Knowing the vow of obedience gave the abbot lots of power, Benedict warned, “If an abbot asks the religious to do what he (superior) wants, rather than what God wants, he will go to hell!”

A strong warning! A religious superior has no right to make the members do whatever he likes and wants. He/she is bound to discern, consult and listen before taking decisions about people and works. Just because XYZ is a religious superior, it does not follow that whatever he/she wants is God’s will for the community.

(Note that the central point of the much talked-about Synodality is to listen, to become a loving, listening, caring family—not an organization that mostly gives orders.)

If people just waited to be told what to do, and did only whatever they were asked to do by religious authorities (Pope, bishops, major superiors), no religious orders would have come into being. Each order is the continuation of the dream and commitment of a man or woman who felt called by God to respond to the needs of his/her time in an new way. This is how Benedict founded his monasteries, or Francis and Dominic started the so-called Mendicant Orders, or Ignatius founded the Jesuit order or Don Bosco started the Salesian Society.

Just waiting to be told what to do is OK for a child. Children do not know what they should eat or wear or learn, or which school to go to, what to do when they fall sick. Adults are in charge.

Religious life is not a parallel to this parent-child relationship. Religious vows can only be made by adults. It cannot be imposed on anyone. If I join religious life without knowing what I am choosing and what I am rejecting, and without inner freedom to make this choice, my profession is not valid.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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ROME, May 9, 2022 — With song, prayer and ritual, leaders of women’s religious congregations from around the world concluded five days of meetings in Rome on May 6, affirming their commitment to the process of synodality and embracing a journey of vulnerability that they believe is vital for the renewal of the church, religious life and their own communities.

The pledge was a culmination to the May 2-6 plenary of the International Union of Superiors General, during which numerous sisters, theologians and speakers voiced their support for Pope Francis’ vision of a synodal church that embraces its early historical roots, affirms the need for diversity, listens, and is more welcoming to those on society’s margins.

The 23-word commitment, spoken in unison by the 520 sisters attending the plenary in person and silently by another 200 or so who attended online, reads: “I commit myself to live vulnerable synodality through service as a leader, animating it within the community, together with the people of God.”

The plenary brought a strong sense of communion among the sister-leaders participating, UISG President Sr. Jolanta Kafka of the Claretian Missionary Sisters said in an interview after the gathering ended.

Kafka said she needed more time to reflect on the plenary but that there was a clear call for a paradigm shift in the approach to leadership — for transformation, not just change. The shift is to be more respectful, more inclusive and less hierarchical.

“Always, the plenaries give light” that lasts, she said.

Chris Herlinger, Gail DeGeorge, Christopher White

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“One of the most common questions I get is: ‘How hard was it to get through prison?’  It was not very hard; but the hardest thing for me was being homeless. When all your friends are gone, your families are not around and all you have is drug addiction, a needle that goes in your arm, drugs that take away your feeling that you’ve been running for years, that was hard. Feeling hopeless was hard; full of guilt, full of shame, depressed to the point of committing suicide was hard,” says the hero of our article Tony Hoffman, journeyed from Prison to Olympics, from drug-addict to a professional speaker.

Tony’s BMX (Bicycle Motocross, a special bike meant for racing and tricky riding) career started in high school, as he was a top-ranked BMX amateur with multiple endorsements. As a native of Clovis, California, where he attended Clovis High School, Tony started drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, and using prescription painkillers such as Vicodin and Oxycontin. His life took a turn for the worse as he became addicted at such a young age, losing everything.

An Unforgettable Night

This is Tony’s most vivid memory and he would never forget this moment. He walked into Nate’s (Tony’s friend, who died that same night due to a drugs overdose) room and said that he needed a sleeping bag and he will sleep on the street that night. For the next six months he slept on the street. He slept behind dumpsters, so people couldn’t find him. He slept in dirt fields, so people couldn’t find him. He was never ashamed of himself.

Sr Lini Sheeja MSC

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Background

Canon 1280 requires that every juridic person should have its own finance council, or at least two counsellors, who are to assist in the performance of the administrator’s duties, in accordance with the statutes. The following guidelines are provided to assist administrators at various levels.

Role of the Finance Council

It is the competence of the head of the Organization to administer the goods and represent the Organization in all legal matters and not that of the Finance Council itself. The Finance Council does not have the task of administering the finance, but it only collaborates with the concerned Organization in the administrative management of its finances in accordance with the law. Thus, the Finance Council shall not be considered the legal owner of Organization’s assets.

But the Finance Council is meant to assist the Organization in the administration of its financial resources. An active, well-formed Finance Council is a key element for promoting the financial health of the Organization, assuring accountability, and assisting the Organization with its temporal responsibilities.

Canon 537 makes the Parish Finance Council a mandated body having an advisory and consultative role with the pastor:

“Each parish is to have a finance council which is regulated by universal law as well as by norms issued by the diocesan bishop; in this council the Christian faithful, selected according to the same norms, aid the pastor in the administration of parish goods with due regard for the prescription of canon 532.”

Applying the same principle, every Catholic Organization is required to have its Finance Council, both by adherence to the Code of Canon Law and by local norms issued by every diocese or religious congregation.

Fr Alex G., SJ

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“I am tired of listening to corrections.  I’ve been working in the office for so long – preparing projects, writing reports, doing the accounts.  So far, I have never heard a positive word from sister.  She speaks only to correct and that too with a sour face.  When I am hearing only negative remarks, from where will I get the energy and enthusiasm to do my best?  If she cannot find anything else that I do well, she could at least tell me that after mopping the floor I wash the mopping cloth well.  At least that would be an encouragement.”  This is what I heard from a qualified and highly competent lady working in the office in one of the Christian institutions.

As part of the ministry of leading a community, the superior may have to give corrections occasionally.  Let us examine how this can be done effectively without making the others resentful.

Part of Being Generative

            Some superiors think that their main duty is to lead the community by watching out for mistakes or misbehaviours  and correcting them.  This is not right.  The main duty of the superior is to be generative, not to correct.

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB

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Janet first met Florette at a gathering of the parish Ladies Club. She was a newcomer to the parish and had joined the club only recently. She was immediately attracted by the charming personality of Florette and moved toward her. The affirming and delightful way Florette welcomed her floored her. She felt drawn more closely to Florette and was feeling very good to be with her. They spent quite some time talking apart from the others and Janet was deeply impressed. Janet felt she could spend the whole evening with her. After a while, Florette told her, “It is such a delight talking to you. We must meet for coffee by ourselves soon” and moved away to someone else who was showing interest in her. The afterglow from the conversation smoothed over Janet’s disappointment that Florette had left her suddenly without introducing her to anyone else.

The invitation came the very next day. And they met on a few more occasions. Gradually Janet began to get irked and tired of Florette’s self-focus, as she realised more and more that Florette was not really the person she thought she was. She recognised the shallowness and superficiality of character and her tendency to get irritated whenever Janet said something that was not very appreciative of or not focused on Florette. Soon Janet drifted away from the relationship and felt good about it.

Janet had fallen victim to the impression creation art that those suffering from the histrionic personality disorder are so good at.

FR JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB

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In the past thirty years or so, I have given seminars on “Psycho-Sexual Integration and Celibacy” to a few thousand religious all over India. We look at the meaning of human sexuality, its God-given beauty, power and impact, and ways of becoming mature women and men. We then go on to examine the meaning and implications of this somewhat strange choice some of us make, namely, life-long celibacy, which implies saying No to two of life’s deepest and most life-giving experiences—spousal love and parenthood. The meaning of this way of life is less and less clear today, not only to those of other faiths, but even to Catholics, since many married people do the kinds of work and spiritual services that celibates do.

Two big socio-economic changes have affected the number of celibates drastically: smaller families and higher standards of living. When families were larger—with five to ten children—it was no big deal for a family that one or more daughters or sons chose celibate priesthood or religious life. When the number of children is two, parents—even devout Catholics—are not keen that the kids choose religious life or priesthood. This has happened all over the world.

Of the three vows Catholic religious make, the most striking is celibacy. It really makes us clearly different from most human beings. As for poverty, most of us do not really live poor lives of deprivation. Our living standards are comfortable, like those of the middle class, and, at times even the upper middle class. We are financially more secure than most people in India.
As for obedience, every person—whether a bus driver or manager in an IT firm—is under some form of authority. It is celibacy that sets us apart.

Young religious who attend college are generally bombarded with questions from classmates: “You don’t like girls/boys? Won’t you miss sex? Don’t you want to have children? How can you live like this? Come on, this is not possible! You look normal; why don’t you marry? You can do social work as a married person; why stay single?”

Very understandable questions. Normal and sensible.

1. HUMAN SEXUALITY

1. Sexuality—my being a man or a woman—affects us in the way we think, behave, relate, and even pray. We exist as women and men, not as pieces of furniture with no emotions. There is no moment of the day when I am not a man or woman. My being a man or woman is not restricted to any particular activity, but constitutes what I am.

2. Sexuality is at the root of some of the most beautiful and central realities of life. Without it, we would not have a family, or mother and father, brothers and sisters. Much of the world’s art and literature are inspired by man-woman love. The two deepest and most lasting emotions human beings can experience are man-woman love and parental feeling. Both are rooted in sexuality. When I say that God created me, what I mean is: God endowed my mother and father with normal bodies and sexual passion. Hence, we should never refer to sexuality or marriage as something negative, or lower, or less holy.
3. There is no evidence that more prayerful persons have weaker sexual feelings, or that those with stronger sexual feelings are not spiritual. Just as a good and generous person can struggle with hot temper, a deeply spiritual person can have strong sexual feelings. On the other extreme, just because I have no great sexual battles, I need not be a good celibate; I may be mean, cruel or cold, or wallowing in mediocrity.

4. Men and women differ in the way they experience sexuality—and the ages at which sexual feelings are most intense. Most men—seminarians, for instance—experience strong sexual desires in their teens and twenties (and later). Many women—candidates and young religious, for example—can join the convent without experiencing strong sexual feelings, and find that, years later, when they are in their 30s or 40s, and already in their final vows, they experience stronger sexual feelings than they did in their teens or twenties. They need help and guidance, and a safe setting to understand what is happening, and how to grow through it. This longing need not mean that the woman made a wrong choice. But she needs someone to talk this over with, to learn to integrate sexuality in her celibate life, or to make other choices, if that is better.

5. Cultures differ very much in their understanding of what is right and proper in sexuality or man-woman relationships or modesty. If a religious or priest works in a culture different from the one in which he grew up, he/she needs to understand that culture, rather than judge it by the criteria of one’s original culture. What one culture considers normal may be unacceptable in another setting (e.g., dating). What one group abhors may be more accepted elsewhere (e.g., children born out of wedlock).

6. Individuals differ greatly in the intensity of their sexual feelings. Just as two women or two men can differ in intelligence or humour or cheerfulness, they can differ in sex drive. We need to understand and help individuals.
7. More persons—especially women—have been victims of sexual abuse than earlier believed. Sexual abuse (sexual activity of an adult with a minor) takes place mostly in the family, and has very serious emotional consequences. Much of it is covered up by the family. According to the estimate of the Indian Ministry for Women and Children, 53% of children in India are sexually abused. This is a very high percentage. More people need healing than we think. Many survivors of abuse are afraid of speaking about it.

8. Gender equality is a question of justice, and a measure that will benefit all of us. Both in society and in the church, women are still not treated as respected equals. A recent survey in India showed, for instance, that a significant number of both men and women approve of marital violence by the husband in certain situations! Our formation houses should include good courses on women’s issues and feminist contributions.

9. We all need to relate to both men and women. Without such normal contacts, we are emotionally mutilated and increase, rather than diminish, problems in celibate living. More and more settings—of both studies and ministry—are mixed, and this is a healthy change. In this new setting, we need to train celibate men and women how to develop healthy relationships that make them open to more and more people. In training programmes for religious, for instance, I prefer a mixed group any day over an all-male or all-female group.
10. SPOUSAL LOVE AND PARENTHOOD are among life’s best things, and a holy vocation. You need very good reasons for saying No to them, and staying single. Just to teach or be a nurse or do social work or write accounts or be a principal—none of these jobs is a good enough reason for choosing celibacy. Plus: just staying single to do some work is not the meaning of celibacy. What is it, then?

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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