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Early every morning, eight-year-old Anuja (name changed) pulls a cart into town hauling water for her neighbours. When it’s full, the tank weighs about 450 pounds. After doing morning chores, the hardest part of her day begins. Instead of going to school, she goes to work in a brick factory all day long. It’s hard and tedious work, often in temperatures above 35 degrees, each family getting paid by the number of bricks they load. As Anuja’s mother was getting older and weaker and the family needed financial resources, Anuja was required to carry the family burden as she has four younger siblings.

“I wish I could go to school, but I need to make money to buy food for my family,” said Anuja in a desperate tone. “I’m afraid that I won’t be able to work enough. We owe other people lots of money. I work from six in the morning until six in the evening. But still we don’t have enough food.”. Her father died of COVID, leaving the family with a mountain of debt. And that’s how they came to the brick factory a year ago and Anuja started working. “I don’t know what to do, I wanted my daughter to be educated, so she doesn’t have to work in the brick factory like me,” said Anuja’s mother with tears rolling down her cheeks. Anuja’s dream of becoming a teacher is an impossible dream, as she is in no position to go to school. It’s hard to believe that a girl like her has to bear such a heavy burden on her tiny shoulders.

A child at this age is supposed to be on the shoulders of their parents, but it is a tragedy that a child of this age has to carry the burdens of the family on his/her shoulders. Why is there so much misery in our society? Where should a child be? He or she should be in schools, not in workplaces. Children should be playing in playgrounds, not washing vessels. Children should be doing Maths, not working in a factory. Children should eat good food, not working in fields in the scorching sun. Child labour deprives the child of her/his childhood. Are these children paid well for their work? When will our society treat children as children?

Sr Lini Sheeja MSC

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Etienne was a young European volunteer who worked in a camp for refugees in Kenya. He considered himself as agnostic or atheistic. He wasn’t interested in church or prayer. Being generous and keen on helping poor people, he went to Kenya to work in a large camp for refugees from other African countries.

His work included distributing food to the refugees. One day, after giving food to a large number of adults and children, he realized that very little food was left. Hungry people still waited in a line for food. He started giving out less and less, so that everyone would get at least a little. Finally, all he had was just one banana. Just then, a little girl appeared with her younger brother, asking for food. Etienne felt helpless. How to feed two hungry kids with just one banana? The girl was holding her little brother by the hand. She stretched her other hand towards Etienne.

Etienne did the only thing he could do. He gave the banana to the girl.

What she did then shook him deeply and changed him. She pealed the banana and fed her younger brother with that. When the tiny kid had finished eating the banana, she licked the inside of the banana skin, smiled, and left.

Etienne was shaken. “That day, I started believing in God,” he later said. He had never seen such generosity and self-sacrifice. A hungry little girl giving the banana to her tiny brother and going away happy, though evidently hungry.

Children are not simply blank sheets of paper on which adults write whatever they decide. No. Children have a mind and heart of their own. They are neither blank nor helpless. They do depend on adults for whole host of things, of course. But there is much we all can learn from them.

Ruby: Calm, Dignified, Heroic

Look at the following case quoted by Professor Robert Coles of Harvard University, who did the most quoted studies on children, including a whole book on the spirituality of children.

During the days of the racial integration of schools in the US, there was violent opposition from some Whites against the admission of Black (African-American) children in schools where only White children were admitted earlier. The US government made a law—influenced the by movement for racial justice led by Martin Luther King, Jr.—by which schools had to admit children of all races. Some White parents (those of European ancestry) protested vehemently and at times violently. Police had to accompany the African-American children to school for their protection. White parents stood on both sides of the road and shouted insults and threats at the Black children. See how Ruby, one of these kids, reacted. This is what her (white) teacher wrote about Ruby:

“I watch her walking with those federal marshals, and you can’t help but hear what the people say to her. They’re ready to kill her. They call her the worst names imaginable. I never wanted ‘integration,’ but I couldn’t say those things to any child, no matter what her race. She smiles at them—and they’re saying they are going to kill her. There must be 40 or 50 grown men and women out on those streets every morning and every afternoon, sometimes more. One of the marshals said to me the other day: ‘That girl, she’s got guts; she’s got more courage than I’ve ever seen anyone have.’ And he told me he’d been in the war; he was in the army that landed in Normandy in 1944. He told me Ruby didn’t even seem afraid—and she sure remembered how scared they all were sailing to France. I agree with him; she doesn’t seem afraid. There was a time, at the beginning, that I thought she wasn’t too bright, you know, and so that was why she could be so brave on the street. But she’s a bright child, and she learns well. She knows what’s happening, and she knows that they could kill her. They look as mean as can be. But she keeps coming here, and she told me the other day that she feels sorry for all of them, and she’s praying for them. Can you imagine that!”

Coles not only wrote about children; he listened to children. In this case, he went to meet Ruby, and wanted to find out how she found such strength.  When asked by Coles whether she did not feel frightened, this is what Ruby told him, “I do what my granny says; I keep praying,” Coles did not reduce this to a mechanism of defense, as his training would tempt him to do. He is honest enough to make this unusual confession: “My kind, trained in psychoanalytic psychiatry, has a far easier time probing psycho-pathology than appreciating the sources of strength and vitality and resiliency in the ordinary lives of people, never mind in the lives of our various heroes.”

Heroic children were by no means the only kind Coles studies. He went into classrooms, asked children about God, religion, morality and other central issues and listened to the moving conversations among children and with him. His famous book, The Spiritual Life of Children, carries the text of many such conversations, as well as the drawings done by children to represent religious themes.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Practical reflections and suggestions of an experienced educator on the occasion of the International Youth Day (August 12).

“In a changing world, young people find themselves in a situation of fluidity and uncertainly, vulnerability and social unease, devoid of personal identity and experiencing exclusion. In such situations, every young person needs a person of reference—a significant other—in their lives. They look for one who can be close to them, credible, consistent and honest and able to enable, express empathy, offer support and encouragement, without being too judgmental.” (Saroj Mullick SDB, “The New Approach to Youth,” in Vidyajyoti Journal of Theological Reflection, February 2018, page 105)

During this time of social-economic upheaval, when   the young are under tremendous turmoil, Fr Arturo Sosa SJ, Superior General of the Society of Jesus, has promulgated following four timely and valuable Universal Apostolic Preferences (UAP) to be accomplished by the Society of Jesus in their respective Jesuit Provinces under Province Apostolic Planning:

• Leading people to God;
• Walking with the poor;
• Accompanying the youth;
• Taking care of our common home.

Youth is an important part of the Church. Information technology has influenced the youth positively and negatively. Parents, teachers and guardians have a pivotal role to play in accompanying the youth in the changing times. Such accompaniment can be spelt out in the following ten guidelines.

What We Need to Do

1. Talent Development: A Jesuit school selected a rural tribal boy who walked ten kilometres daily to school for a one-hundred-meter sprint. He outclassed his compatriots in all the events, and bagged a gold medal. He maintained his speed and stamina till his college studies. Later, the Border Security Force recruited him to serve the country. In our schools and parishes, we have no dearth of talented boys and girls. We have only to be innovative to spot their latent talents in academics and extracurricular activities by giving them opportunities and promoting them in the early stages of youth.

2. Extra-curricular Activities: At the opening ceremony of the MP Province Assembly, the school band of Xavier English medium school, Pathalgaon, Chhattisgarh, performed a mesmerizing march past. What attracted the audience most was the astounding confidence of the students. It was still incredible to observe a village tribal girl, daughter of a cook, leading the whole band-group with absolute confidence. Besides having a proper syllabus, a schools needs to empower students in all  the fields through extracurricular activities.

Alexander Ekka SJ

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Dear co-travelers,

As we are already or enter the threshold of the category of senior citizens in consecrated life, our outlook on people, events, achievements, and even values of the past changes. Some, of course, continue to be immersed in various activities and some even continue to hold on to responsible positions in various capacities, which make them unaware of their seniority even though they begin to feel physically weaker and mentally less alert than before. They do not want to accept the fact that they are ‘seniors’ and want to continue as before, and even want to achieve more! They even think that they are loved and appreciated by the confreres, co-sisters, and others for continuing to hold on to their position and achievements. They feel that they are non-substitutable!

Obvious Changes

Most seniors, instead, begin to feel various symptoms of old age, like tiredness, lower physical energy and alertness, bodily pains, sicknesses (high blood pressure, arrhythmia, fibrillation of the heart, high glycemia, etc.), constant visits to the hospital, loneliness, less enthusiasm, etc. Even if we do not want to use the word ‘retired’/’pensioned’/’senior’, the fact remains. We may prefer to address ourselves as “differently-abled”! We become aware that the past is already gone and it’s not worth holding on to it. We become less attached to things and stop collecting. We begin to get rid of things, most of which are unnecessary or useless. We begin to forget our successes and achievements. Even those who surround us have already forgotten them. Instead, they seem to remember our failures perhaps more than our achievements! We realize that we have more friends in heaven than here on earth. An awareness dawns on us that it’s time to give a thought to our last and ultimate goal! Few friends and companions who still live have become seniors like us, confronting the same existential situation/problems as us. We even lose interest in spending time with them as we used to in earlier times. These experiences lead us to hold on to the present much more than the past or future, and rightly so. We become more aware that what we ‘are’ is more important than what we ‘do’. We have all the time “to be” than “to do” so many things. It is this awareness that makes us more human and more compassionate towards all and everything. We begin to leave aside the concept of religious life as one of solving problems, one’s own or of others, and start living the present in its fullness. We give more importance to spirituality than religion and religious practices!

As compassionate human beings, we seniors become aware, among other things, that we are gifted with deep sentiments of the heart more than the intellect. Thus, for example, we begin to appreciate the beauty of nature, which is the expression of the creative art of God Himself. We recognize that every being that exists is verum, bonum et pulchrum (true, good, and beautiful). What is true is good and what is good is beautiful. What is beautiful is also good and true. Beauty is the splendour of good and truth. Beauty has the same immense extension of being, truth, and good. We start enjoying the beauty of nature.

Beauty All Around Us

We become more aware that we are surrounded by beauty. We are immersed in beauty! Beauty appears to us and makes itself seen in obvious ways: beautiful is a flower, beautiful is a mountain cliff, beautiful is the sky quilted with stars in the dark night, beautiful is the mother bird who picks up her little ones and brings them to a safer place, beautiful is the child who plays with friends, beautiful is the boy who gives his seat on the bus to the elderly, beautiful are the callused hands of the worker, beautiful is the caress of the father, of the mother, beautiful is the night of the one who has assisted a sick person in the hospital, beautiful are the hands of two enemies who hug and make peace, beautiful is the choice to give oneself to God for all life…. How much beauty around us…!

Fr Scaria Thuruthiyil SDB

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Here is the story of a young man’s search for happiness. He had everything that most people can only wish for—educated and well-to-do parents, an IIT degree, tops jobs, freedom, money, friends, travel. But that is not where he found what his heart was looking for.—Editor

“Who doesn’t want to be happy?” These are familiar lines, aren’t they? We all long for happiness. Often, happiness gets translated in terms of money, position, job security, a good spouse, a wonderful family and so on. The norms one puts for one’s happiness depend on individuals, and it varies from person to person. Being a wanderlust person, I have travelled far and wide, both internally and externally. I would like to describe my story as a journey in pursuit of happiness.

My journey began three decades ago. I was privileged to have a wonderful family. I belonged to a family of four—father, mother, a younger sister and me. I was also blessed to savour the love and care of grandparents, both paternal and maternal. My father used to tell me, “Whatever you become and wherever you are, be a good human being; nothing else matters.” My mother often reminded me never to disgrace God. I am proud that I still cling to these golden words. I was a bit shy. My sister, being an outgoing and altruistic person, taught me the importance and depth of interpersonal relationships.

Hailing from a small parish belonging to the Syro-Malankara community, we were regular for Sunday masses. In fact, I longed for it, because those days we had mass only on Sundays because of the lack of priests. My grandparents inculcated a deep Eucharistic devotion in me. I saw them making their confession invariably every Sunday and receiving Holy Communion with utmost devotion. Moreover, they saw to it that I too am on the right track. At the age of eleven, I became an altar boy. No one invited me or trained me, but one day it so happened that there was no one to serve and I took it as a chance and continued to do so.

Three Longings—and a Full Life

Right from my childhood, I have longed for only three things: to serve at the altar (initially as an altar boy), to travel (preferably on a window seat near the driver) and to drive. I had a normal schooling. I won’t dare to say that those were the best days of my life,  for the reason that it failed to create a deep impression in me. Needless to say, I am not a fan of our education system. It keeps feeding pupils and fails to empower them. The list of Nobel laureates from India, the second most populous country in the world, will substantiate my claim. I was just part of the normal routine and ritual called education and I could only brag about passing out with flying colours and thus securing my higher studies.

But I was blessed in another way—having wonderful friends. Though only a few, they were remarkable. We were never a gang nor a mob following the wind of our childhood and adolescent days, but we were into ideas and ideologies (my philosophy of life originated there and not in my philosophy classes). It was also a ritual those days to ask about a child’s ambition. I was bombarded with this question quite often, “Hey, Abin, what you want to become?” Anticipated answers were doctor or engineer. But I told them “Hmm, I want to become a driver, a race driver.”

For any Keralite student, class X is crucial. Since you are Catholic, you can always expect a question: “Do want to join the seminary and become a priest?” I too was bombarded with this question. My heart told me that you will do well as a priest, but the gut told me no. I went with my gut, and I still have no regret over that. Later on, I came to know that everyone in my family and parish expected a “Yes” from me. Thereafter, I tailed the trend and joined for science group and eventually ended up studying engineering.

Abraham Abin Thomas SDB

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Recently I visited one of our communities, where a group of boys who had finished the 12^th standard were undergoing a year of orientation programmes in preparation for entering the novitiate.  The superior of the community told me that, in spite of all the efforts made by him and the other members of the staff, the students were not making much progress intellectually and in their studies.  I was quite surprised to hear that, since the institution was well equipped with all the infrastructure that was needed and had also a rather qualified staff. While talking to the priest in charge of studies in that institution, he told me that the superior was a very good farmer and much interested in farming.  So, irrespective of whether it was class time or study time, he would take the boys to the farm and make them do all kinds of work under the pretext that the boys should be given an all-round formation.  Therefore, the boys did not get much time to study.  They did not also feel that study was important, since study time was sacrificed for work.  The superior did not pay much attention to the opinions expressed by the other staff members.

            In the last two months, we have been dealing with some guidelines for giving corrections.  Last month we talked about the importance of having a win-win approach.  This month, we shall talk about a simple technique for analysing a problem and finding out its root cause, so that steps can be taken to remedy the situation.  It is known as the “Five Whys Technique.”  This is basically a technique for solving problems.  We are applying it here to the context of giving corrections.   Through giving corrections, we are actually trying to “solve” a problem.

Asking More Whys

            The 5 Whys Technique consists in stating a problem and asking why it happened.  We have to make sure that the answer we give is objective and is not based on our biases or prejudices.  The question ‘why’ is repeated four more times.  As we keep asking the question ‘why’ we will arrive at the root cause, the real cause of the problem.  Once the root cause is found, we can take steps to remedy the situation.

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB

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“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ (Jeremiah 29:11)

I believe that this verse was made specifically for my life, starting from the time of my conception.

I was born to a multilingual, intercultural and interreligious family. My mother was a Malayali Catholic and my father was a Bengali Hindu. While growing up, I was exposed to both the religions and had a neutral mind set on who God was. My most favourite person in the world was my father. He was like the centre of my life.

On October 3, 1999, I lost my father to a tragic traffic accident—a head-on collision. With that, things began to go downhill. Being an elder sibling, I was perceived to be the most understanding one who would by default adjust to the situation then. My sister was given a lot of attention and fuss, as she was only three at that time. All felt she would miss her father more. But the actual truth was just the reverse. I, who had experienced my father’s love and affection in person, missed him more. The sudden change in scenario made me more jealous towards my sister. This jealousy slowly took the form of hatred in my heart. I used to hit her and was very impatient with her.

That’s when we entered the gates of Divine Retreat Centre in 2000 and experienced God’s love for the first time in our lives. I benefited especially from the children’s retreat. My spiritual progress in God’s love was a slow and steady healing process, which took around fifteen years. Every year we used to go meticulously for summer retreats to Divine, and each year I would overcome an inner wound and grow more in faith. But I still found myself unworthy to serve him. Being a part of any ministry never occurred to me. I thought that only the holy ones with gifts and visions are called serve the Lord.

In the 2014 power youth conference, Fr Rob Galea from Australia spoke about the ministry of St Peter. He said that Peter was the most ineligible member among disciples to be a leader, but on him stands the foundation of the catholic church. Moved by this awareness, I started my ministry service and joined the Chennai Magnificat in 2015. While being a volunteer, I learnt how to do intercessory prayers and see God’s will in each and everything that happens around me. Being a part of the children’s ministry came as a surprise, as my past history with my baby sister was not very pleasant. Then again, who would understand the pain and inner wounds of a child more than me? My patience and gratitude increased as I praised God with the little ones. As years progressed, I was a part of collecting prayer requests from Chennai Magnificat and sending it to Divine Retreat Centre. While doing so, I used to pray over each and every request and type them in my laptop.

Nibedita Dey

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Here are direct quotes from religious and priests I know well. Each one was speaking out of personal experience.

“I enjoy meeting, hosting and doing what I can to help my past formators. The reason: I have such happy memories of my formation years,” wrote Gerson, whom I taught during his philosophy studies, and who left during regency and is a married professional now.

“Because of what we have seen and lived in this seminary, when we go back to our diocese, we shall invite everyone for our celebrations, and not just those of our caste. Here, there was no distinction or discrimination on the basis of language or caste.” This was from a group of deacons from Andhra who were leaving Poonamallee (Chennai) Seminary after their studies.

“I was a better person under my mother’s care than after joining religious life,” said Geetha (name changed), then a provincial, now general of her order.

“In our seminary, we could tease the staff and have fun. We really lived as one family. In some other seminaries, if students pull the leg of the fathers, they will get into trouble.” (A young priest about his alma mater.)

1. What is a formation house?

An institution where young religious or seminarians are supposed to be helped to become what they will publicly profess later—adults who want to put Jesus Christ at the centre of their lives, serve the needy, help others to get closer to God.

It is not simply a hostel or a boarding.

Whether it be a religious formation house or a diocesan seminary, it is supposed to be staffed by inspiring persons who live out the theories they teach to the formees—God-centredness, simplicity of love, sincere love for all, prayerfulness, unity among themselves without groupism or power games.

Formees, after all, observe the formators minutely.

I was a formator for some twenty-one years. My students would know everything about me—how many shirts I have, with whom I mix, how I teach, how I respond to questions, whether I live a simple or luxurious life, how and when I pray, my ups and downs. Everything.

If, on living with me day and night and observing me minutely, they find me genuine and loving, they open up and trust me. Then we have a warm friendship that lasts for life. It is a joy for me to meet chaps I taught even fifty years ago, when I was doing regency in my early twenties. We enjoy meeting each other; we can share in depth, count on one another, have fun and share in depth—just like many years ago.

If, instead, a so-called formation house is fear-filled or artificial, where power games or divisions dominate, the young will learn to hide, play it safe, and wait to get out and breathe freely.

This is nothing hard to understand. We were all born in a family. If we felt loved and cared for, and saw our parents making sacrifices for us without making a fuss, and taught us by example what a good life means, we pick up so many good things at home. If, instead, a home is ruled by an abusive alcoholic father or a gossipy, partial mother who does not welcome anyone, we too will probably grow up narrow-mined, suspicious and cynical. Families do differ a lot. Marriage by itself does not make anyone good or bad, holy or selfish. We have all seen many types of families.

The same with religious communities, including formation houses. They come in all sizes, shapes and types—from extremely joyful, loving and inspiring to cynical, cruel and abusive. Just as a married couple enter a house and either make it a loving home, or turn it into a place of torment and shame, we can make a formation house a home of love where immature young men or women learn to become responsible, loving adults, or a depressive, fear-filled setting that the young are waiting to get away from.

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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“Look to him and be radiant, so that your faces shall never be ashamed.” (Psalm 34:5). This was the theme chosen as the motto on my final profession day. It was December 8^th, 2021, the day I like to remember as a memorable one.

I lost my mother two years back. I felt her absence very much. Tears started to roll down. At that moment, I just said, “Jesus, I am feeling very sad. I just surrender to you as I am.” The very next moment, I could experience the presence of my mummy along with Jesus and Mother Mary very close to me. I experienced my sorrow turning into indescribable joy. Throughout that celebration, I was overwhelmed with joy and peace. This was an eye opener for me once again: The one whom I decided to follow never allows me to be ashamed or sorrowful.

Difficult Choice

For me, it was very difficult to choose my vocation—whether to become a religious or choose married life. I saw both of them as good for me. My home is a heaven on earth for me, where I experience the love of God. The way my parents and siblings lived in the family always remain in my heart as an inspiration and motivation.

I really liked religious life as well. I was just waiting to know the will of God for me. So, I completed my 10^th and 12^th, and went to Mangalore to do B. Sc Nursing. There I was acquainted with the Jesus Youth (JY) movement. After completing my studies, I went to Mysore as a JY mission nurse for one year. After that, I went to Mumbai to work as a staff nurse. All these years I was blessed with amazing experiences –loving gifts from a loving God. He was my Father who comforted me in all my troubles, and I was His little tiny creature, who knew only to cling to Him.

Finally, the time came for me to make a decision. I was twenty-four years old. At home marriage proposals were awaiting. Apart from that, many options were open, like M. Sc Nursing and job opportunities from abroad. In the meantime, I got a job in a multispecialty hospital at Calicut.

But my mind was not at peace. How to understand the will of God? Which way of life to choose? I was in confusion. I prayed for forty days. I did not get any answer. I went for a retreat. The struggle within my soul increased day by day. I felt that I was in boiling oil.

God’s OK to My Decision

One night, before going to bed, I said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if I choose something against your will, I prefer to die.’ Then I slept off. That night, I had a dream. ‘Two priestly hands broke the big consecrated Host (which usually priests consume) and dipped in the wine from a chalice and gave to me. I received.’ The next day, when I got up from the sleep, this dream was very fresh in my mind. I became aware that the agony and pain I was going through had vanished and my soul was flooded with peace. I felt very light and thought I might fly.

As the day went on, I realized there was no more confusion in my mind. One choice stood out: to embrace religious life. I got a chance to go for a counselling session. A lady counsellor prayed for me and told me, “You have taken a new decision. God is putting a tick mark on it.” This message was a confirmation for me. “The one who called me is faithful, I am going to be with Him.” This thought was resounding in my heart. It was also as an answer to all the questions that came up.

The whole summary of religious life was presented to me during my novitiate. In the first year, I felt it was an unexpected banquet prepared by God in order to quench the thirst of my soul. I had an unfathomable intimacy with the Lord. I become a drop of blood in the depths of His heart. It was enriched with deep spiritual experiences and moments of union with God.

Sr Bini Thomas SMMI

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Sr. Igora was a great formator, appreciated by everyone.  She was able to win the confidence of even difficult and troublesome formees and help them to change.  When I asked her what approach she followed in dealing with the formees, she said that she used the “Win/Win” approach.  She said that she had learned the “Win/Win” approach from a course she had attended on leadership. Although she could not recall much of what she had learned in that course, she said that the words “Win/Win” remained deeply etched in her mind.  She approached every person and every situation with this attitude “I must win, he/she must win.”

            Exploring the “Win/Win” approach, I came to realize that it is a strategy that is used in business dealings and negotiations to resolve conflicts, which could be adapted to community situations.  In essence, the Win/Win strategy consists in dealing with persons or situations in such a way that everyone benefits in one way or the other; there are no losers, only winners.

“In the long run, if it isn’t a win for both of us, we both lose. That’s why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.” (Stephen R. Covey)

            In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey presents a detailed description and analysis of the Win/Win strategy.  According to Covey, the approaches that people take in interacting with others can be brought under six broad categories, namely, Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win, Win/Win or No Deal.

Let us look at each of these attitudes briefly.

1. Win/Win: People with a ‘Win/Win” attitude look for the benefit of all. They have a mindset which says: “I must win. He/she also must win.” They look for agreements or solutions that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. “Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others” (Covey, p. 207).
2. Win/Lose: In this approach, a person tries to win by making the other lose. The attitude underlying this position is that for me to win, you have to lose. I get my way by ensuring that you don’t get yours. This is the attitude or frame of mind (paradigm) with which many of us have grown up.  In families where we are constantly compared with others, in schools where we are graded, in sports where winning is by defeating the other, we learn this attitude.  This is the attitude of the world of competition.  But the fact is that most of our life is not competition. We do not have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our colleagues, our community members. “Who’s winning in your marriage? is a ridiculous question.  If both people aren’t winning, both are losing” (Covey, p. 209).  If all the members of a community are not winning, the entire community stands to lose.

Our life is interdependent, not independent.  Most of the things we want in life can be achieved only through cooperation, not competition.  If you want to become a good singer, for example, you have to cooperate with your music master, with the employees who maintain the place where you practice, with the doctor who sees to your health, etc.  The Win/Lose attitude discourages cooperation and so, is dysfunctional.

Fr  Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB

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