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I have been living in St. Charles Home for Senior Citizens, Kamba Village, Kalyan, Maharashtra, for five years now. Not only have I aged since then, but I have had a ringside view of the ageing process in the inmates here. Eleven of them have passed away during this period, most of them going gently into the night. Death, as a result, has become less frightening for us all. We have shared the tears and the grief of those left behind, when their spouses passed away. We have also through sheer closeness and proximity been an emotional support to those who were faced with the death of their near and dear ones. We live like a family here, supporting and caring for each other.

Some of those who came walking upright, laughing and talking have slowly walked into a twilight existence of non-recognition, disability and loss of memory. Others keep their minds active by following cricket, the daily news and even venture political opinions.

Janina Gomes

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MAGNET sent a few questions to Sr Christel, a former provincial of the Delhi province of the Sisters of the Destitute, a religious order devoted to looking after the aged and the destitute. There is much all of us can learn from their vision and commitment.–Editor

1. The Sisters of the Destitute have been engaged in caring for the aged. You have been a provincial leader, and hence aware of the ministries done by your sisters. What ministries are you doing for seniors?

I am proud of my Congregation of the Sisters of the Destitute that is deeply engaged in caring for the sick and aged persons of any color, caste or creed.  The Congregation was founded by Venerable Fr Varghese Payapilly. The very first inmate in the home for the aged was a destitute old man. The Congregation admits in its institutions only poor and abandoned old people who are found uncared fpr in their families or in the streets. At present, we have twenty-five houses for the aged, twenty for street women (both young and old)  and seven for terminally ill people.

Sr Christel Panackal SD

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Convinced that we have much to learn from happy seniors, we interviewed 84-year-old Fr Joseph Kezhakkekara SDB, who has held leaderships roles for years, mixes with the young and old joyfully, and radiates enthusiasm. Here are his wise and simple answers to our questions.—Editor

1. Father Joseph, you come across as a happy and enthusiastic senior religious priest. What is the secret of your enthusiasm and joyful spirit?

The thought that I have lived a meaningful and productive life, that I have been able to contribute something positive to the lives of people around me. I have lived these past fifty years in various leadership roles in the provinces of Kolkata  and New Delhi. That brought\t me in touch with many people for whom I have been able to do something—initiating or strengthening many works for poor children, for youth, getting my confreres to break new grounds in the mission areas, interacting with many religious families and groups with animation activation. In all this, I went through a process of personal growth and a personalized understanding that “Leadership is service.”

Fr Joseph Kezhakkekara SDB

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MAGNET interviews Sr Marietta De Mello SAP, former provincial of the St Anne of Providence Sisters, Chingleput Province.

1. Marietta, you are knows as someone noted for her loving care of sick sisters. How has been your experience of caring for sick and senior persons?  What helped you to develop this special concern for them?

I do not think I have done much for the sick and senior sisters.  Given the chance, I have done my best in caring them.  I have been always in the teaching line. So, I could spend only a little time with them in the morning and in the evening after the classes.

It always gave me immense joy and satisfaction talking to them.  I always felt that they are my own family members.

One senior who taught me much is my grandmother. She loved me so much.  She taught me how to pray, good manners, household work and adjustment.

Sr Marietta De Mello SAP

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Here is the story of a young woman with a PG degree and further training in computer work, who did not want a career, nor join a teaching order of nuns, but preferred to share with the unloved all the love she had received at home.

I was born in Kancheepuram, Tamilnadu, to a Catholic family of four children. Right from a young age, our parents brought us up in Christian faith not only in saying prayers or going to church but also in doing good works. As a young girl I used to go to missions with Missionary of Charity Sisters. I did my schooling with Salesian sisters, college with Franciscan Missionary of Mary sisters. Of course, I cannot forget my parish run by the OMI fathers. I thank God for preparing me a good ground without even me knowing. Even though my desire was to join the convent in early days, the motive was to escape from my studies. But my parents and sisters wanted me to finish my studies, go for work, earn some money to really know the life and what I am going to give up. But in their heart of hearts they thought that I would marry and live with them and they could count on me.

At the age of twenty-three, I had to make a decision—this time with no other motive but to serve others. I had received much love from my family and friends, and I wanted to share it with the unprivileged ones. I didn’t want to join a teaching order like my sister (who is a Salesian Sister) because, as youngest in the family, I was tired of being told what to do and what not to do. I had the chance of knowing the Little Sisters of the Poor in Chennai.  I felt this was the place where I would like to be, where I can take care of the elderly and be someone to them in their last days.

Sr Shanthi Mary LSP

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I often see youngsters standing in the Church premises during the Mass rather than entering the Church. I feel this is mainly because the parishioners, especially the youth, find the homily too long and tiring, or not well prepared or not inspiring enough. Another reason could be that priests in general do not interact with the young people. Because of this,  the youth finds it difficult to open up and take any further initiative. Today’s youth is also reluctant in taking an initiative because they hardly see an effort being made from the other end.

Sometimes, the priests also do not understand the critical situations and fail to respond with compassion. I remember once an incident where a young man came to the Presbytery to arrange for the funeral of his father. It was around 12:30 in the afternoon and the parish priest was having his lunch. On seeing the man at that time of the day, he got very angry and chased him away. I was wondering: Couldn’t the priest listen to the man and ask him to wait, rather than shout at him and send him away? I feel we lost a young man to the Church because of such a behavior.

Andrea Peter

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Thailand is known as the land of smiles. The few months that I spent in Payap University, Chiang Mai, as a United Board Fellow made me realize how true that is. From the moment you board a Thai Airways flight to Bangkok, you are into a world of smiles. Everyone seems to smile instantly, spontaneously and naturally. It seems there are over a dozen words in Thai Language to refer to types of smiles which express a variety of emotions and sentiments—from politeness, happiness, embarrassment, frustration, condescension, and nervousness. Thais smile for anything and everything, to express or even to conceal their feelings.

On the contrary, India, along with some East Bloc countries, figures among nations with lowest smile score.

Where would we, priests and religious, be on a smile index?

Why not smile more? Numerous are the benefits of smile. There are conflicting claims on how many muscles are required to smile or to frown. Some say it takes only seventeen to smile but forty-three to frown. Yet all agree that, any day, a smile is better than a frown. Health professionals claim that smile helps bodies release cortisol, which brings about health benefits, such as reduced blood pressure, increased endurance and reduced pain. It boosts the immune   system, prompts the brain to produce happy hormones, like endorphins and serotonin, which generate positive emotions. One 2010 study found that genuine, intense smiling could improve happiness and longevity.

Fr Tomy Augustine SDB

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Angela (name changed), a lecturer I know for years, received a moving, disturbing letter from a former student who wished she hadn’t been born. She wanted to meet this teacher again, hold her and cry her heart out. Let me quote a few lines from this letter which Angela forwarded to me (safeguarding the former student’s identity). She wanted my advice on how to help this desperate young woman who had no one to turn to.

“Miss, I literally have nothing to make you remember me. I have never been a person worth remembering…I don’t know why…you have been someone most dearest to me .. I wish to pour out my heart wanted to tell you a million things…things which will not make any sense to any other human being… there’s nothing out there for me to hope for or be happy about at least…I wish if at all I died all my organs could be donated and thus at least be of any help to anyone…ma’am you have always been a great inspiration for me…I am not in touch with any of my friends as I felt myself being burden to them … I don’t know what to do with my life…no one to guide me…prisoner of my own negativity, fear and anxiety and toxicity… wish if I could see you just to hug you and cry…just fed up of this fake life…  tell me a way out to love life and be happy and at peace to relieve myself off of all this trauma I am going through… I wish I weren’t born…I wish I ended…I wish I had someone to show me a way and guide me… someone who wouldn’t judge me and understand me…

Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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Fr. Justin Huang, a much-appreciated pastor in Vancouver, Canada, recalls that he decided to be a saint some time after he finished Grade 12.  And that decision changed what and how he did things.  Even now, he exclaims, “Whenever I think about being holy, I get pumped up! Everything changes when you have this vision.”

Mrs Constance T. Hull is a wife, mother and blogger who has gone through the furnace of suffering due to a dangerous auto-immune disease which affected her husband.  She says, “when I first got married and I came back to the Church, I prayed fervently for God to make my husband, me, and any of our children saints.”

Like Fr Huang and Mrs Hull, all of us are to desire and strive to become saints.  In fact, God invites us to be saints: “You shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy” (Leviticus 19:2; 1 Pt 3:16).  Last month we looked at three ways to become holy, namely, be your true self; want to be a saint; become a clown. Here we shall speak of two other ways.

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB

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·         John was in their bedroom with his wife. A burglar broke into the house, held John at gun point and threatened to kill him if his wife did not open the safe and give him all her jewelry.

·         Daisy was first abused by her brother when she was six years old. When she brought the incident to the notice of her mother, she was severely reprimanded and beaten for “allowing” him to do it. Later, as an adult, she was abused repeatedly by a series of men, who took advantage of her need for love and acceptance.

·         Simon was involved in a terrible car accident. He escaped with some minor injuries. However, his companion had head injuries and passed away later in the hospital. Some months later, Simon began to have flashbacks of the incident, had problems sleeping and frequent dreams of accidents and people dying. He went into deep depression.

FR JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB

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