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Have you been in a counselling or therapy group? Have you gone for counselling or therapy? If so, you will know the nervousness and fear before opening up on some personal problem.

The problem may refer to any area of life: emotions, relationships, studies, sexuality, prayer, vocation, family matter, …

Thus, a young man or woman may be feeling troubled over nervousness to give a talk, fear of strangers, inability to make friends, not succeeding in studies, guilt and shame over masturbation or pornography, difficulties in prayer, confused about vocational decisions, anger and shame over family problems.

I know seminarians who waited for years (not days or months, but years) before seeking help with a sexual problem. A woman (lay woman or sister) may feel deeply disturbed over her experience of having been sexually abused at home, but dread talking about it. (“What will he think?” “What will they do if I reveal this?” “Will they tell others?”).

In group counselling or therapy, something else happens. Andrew opens up about a long-standing sexual problem or anger towards his father. The others are listening intently. When he finishes, Peter chips in, saying, “Thank you, Andrew, for sharing your problem. I have been struggling with the same thing for years, but was afraid of opening up.”

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Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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CRYSTAL

If you want to make a successful Hollywood movie, you can be sure there is a winning formula in the following script: Man meets woman, they quickly fall in love, they move in together, they have a tragic misunderstanding which almost breaks off their relationship, the climatic moment of reconciliation arrives just in the nick of time, they embrace and declare their love for each other, then kiss for the final scene with a’ happy ever after’ feel as the camera pans out to a sunset.

This might be a little oversimplified, but this clearly is the view that many young women might have of the romantic possibilities of meeting Mr. Right and falling in love. In this worldview, if you meet the right person, you will be happy in a relationship with him or her for a lifetime.

After almost thirty years of meeting with engaged couples and married couples, Kevin and I can assure you that this expectation is far from the truth and in fact can lead the couple to unhappy relationships. Indeed, in today’s current environment in the United States, there is such a large number of couples who live together for years before their marriage that the romance of the early years is quite often gone by the time they get to the altar. Indeed, cohabitation can actually lead to a statistically higher chance of either breaking up before marriage, or divorcing within the next ten years.

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Crystal and Kevin Sullivan

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I am Sr. Marie, a provincial superior. Sr. Tabitha, a perpetually professed member, is working in a government hospital for fifteen years. She has been working there with the permission of my predecessor. For six months, she has not been giving her salary to the Institute. She uses it for her comforts. I talked this matter over with her and reminded her about her obligation, with no effect. How should I proceed?

Consecrated life is a gift bestowed on the Church by the Holy Spirit to enhance her quality of life (Lumen Gentium, 44; can. 577 CIC). Those who accept this way of life profess the evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty and obedience in accordance with universal and particular laws of each Institute (can. 573 §2 CIC). As a consequence of their public profession, they acquire membership in an Institute with rights and duties defined by universal law and the Constitutions (can. 654 CIC). Therefore all those who opt for this life must observe the evangelical counsels and direct their lives according to the laws of the Church and the Institute. However, this yearning for a life of holiness is often threatened by human fragility. The case given here is an example of such human vulnerability.

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Sr Navya Thattil OSF

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You must have heard about the young Indian who recently won an award worth one million U.S. dollars. Ranjit Sinh Disale won the Global Teacher Prize for 2020, given jointly by UNESCO and the Varkey Foundation.

Started in 2010 by Dubai-based Sunny Varkey, the Varkey Foundation is a global charitable fund committed to improving the quality of education of underprivileged children. It trains thousands of teachers and school principals in developing countries.

In 2013, the Varkey Foundation launched the Global Education and Skills Forum, which organizes in the month of March every year in Dubai an Educational Summit that tries to address the world’s educational needs. A year later, in 2014, it launched the annual Global Teacher Prize—one million dollars to an outstanding teacher who has had a widespread impact. This year, for the first time, an Indian teacher was chosen for the prestigious award.

After scrutinizing about 12,000 nominations from 140 countries, the Foundation chose ten teachers. From these ten finalists, Disale, just thirty-two years old, was finally chosen for the award.

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Fr M A Joe Antony SJ

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This column is meant to make us all more aware of the healing ministry done by our doctors, nurses and others working with the sick—in hospitals or at home.

In India, doctors are treated as VIPs, while, sadly, nurses are often not treated with the respect they deserve. Indian nurses working overseas see a great difference—not just in salaries, but in the way they are treated in India, and the much more dignified treatment they receive in other countries.

This month, we meet

Staff Nurse Asthitha Simon.

1. Why did you decide to become a nurse?

It is because nursing is a professional degree course. It provides job security, proper earning, scope to work abroad.

2. Inspired by anyone in this profession?

Ya, many of my relatives are in this profession. They inspired me.

3. An experience at work when you felt really happy:

One of my patients was very happy on her discharge day, as we helped her to improve her condition a lot.

4. You will also face sad and tough situations. Can you mention one?

We have worked hard to save one of our patients who was on ventilator. Unfortunately, we couldn’t save her.

5. When have you felt really scared?

I felt so scared during the Covid pandemic. Many of us were.

6. To be ill is a very hard situation. You will be aware of the patients’ situations much better than most of us. Are there treatments which they find hard to bear?

Many procedures like, intubation, lumbar puncture, pleural tapping, etc., are all painful for patients.

7. You must be feeling bad when you see the patients suffer.

I feel sad, but still we explained to them the need for the procedure. We will try diversional therapies if possible.

8. You must have felt inspired to see how some patients bear pain or face death.

One of my patients was suffering from severe respiratory distress and was on ventilator support. She was also having bad sores. But she didn’t complain. Unfortunately, she couldn’t survive; she accepted the painful death.

9. At least some of the patients and their families must be feeling so grateful to you all.

One of my patients, who was seriously ill and had very little chance of survival, got well, and was discharged. The family thanked us heartily.

10. What do you want Indian society to understand better about your work?

Nursing is a difficult job, since it includes many situations of having to save the lives of people.

11. Why are Indian nurses attracted to work abroad?

Other than salary, working abroad gives better job security and good living conditions.

12. Tell us something beautiful you heard families and patients say about nurses?

I have heard them saying, “Nurses are angels.”

13. Patients and their families really appreciate it when you all pray for them. In fact, some of them are convinced that nurses’ prayers have much to do with their healing. What do you say?

Yes, of course, we pray for our patients daily—whether they are serious or not.

This is what others have said about caring, with special reference to nurses:

“Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription.”

“When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” —Leo Buscaglia

“Nurses are there when the last breath is taken, and nurses are there when the first breath is taken. Although it is more enjoyable to celebrate the birth, it is just as important to comfort in death.” —Christine Bell

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Ms. Asthitha Simon.

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Director: Kevin Downes  * Cast: Sean Astin, Erin Bethea, Kenton Duty, Sammi Hanratty, Savannah Jayde, Patty Duke. 2012. Running time: 80 minutes.

This is a double narrative which connects a contemporary situation on young people with the strange story of Hosea in the Old Testament. Sin has its consequences, but the unfailing love of God heals. Hosea’s story is intriguing in that God uses the prophet as a symbol of His relationship to Israel.

Hosea is a potter by profession but he preaches to his people warning of impending doom for Israel, about to be conquered by its enemies, which goes unheeded, just like his wife going after rich men  and gets sold off as a slave. Yahweh orders Hosea to marry Gomer, an adulterous woman, and beget children. Hosea obeys, knowing the unfaithfulness of his wife. His unconditional, self-effacing love finally redeems her. Hosea rescues her from the slave market, giving a high price of fifteen pieces of silver and a measure of barley.

This story is recalled in a setting where a group of teenagers spending a church youth retreat camp in the woods led by Stuart and his wife Beth. Ashley, a troubled and rebellious teenager from a dysfunctional family, joins a small group of young fellow parishioners in a weekend camping programme. A wounded soul, she chooses to be left alone and has little to do with religious life or the Bible. They sit around listening to the unique story of Hosea presented in a few flashbacks and we come to know how the prophet embodies the unconditional love of God for his people calling them to repentance. We are taken back to the Old Testament times where the prophet has to deal with unfaithfulness at two levels: the unfaithfulness of his wife in the family and the unfaithfulness and rejection of God by the people of Israel towards their God.  The story brings about a change in the hearts of the youth, especially Ashley.

A Time for Heaven

Director: Craig McMahon * Cast: Julie Van Lith, Mitch Etter, Bill Wetherill. 2017. Running time: 88 minutes.

Based on a true story, the movie looks at the last days of a dying man. Julie, a dedicated Christian nurse, works in a palliative care centre. Her life mission is to share her faith with the patients and provide them consolation and joy during their final days on earth. Once she is assigned to care for an old and embittered man named Mr. Mitchell, who has only a week to live. Julie’s efforts to bring him to God are brushed aside by the dying man.

Mitchell is an atheist. God and religion are repugnant to him. Overriding his reluctance, Julie learns that Mitchell has no relatives and has been divorced or separated from his wife a long time. She secretly recovers a photograph from Mitchell’s drawer. She learns that the picture is of the old man’s children, while they were young.  She cares for the old man like a daughter and is able to learn more about his background story. She is rudely surprised when she discovers that she is in fact Mitchell’s daughter. Her adoptive mother had hidden the fact from her. She confronts the old woman and seeks to know the whereabouts of her brother. Julie is shocked when she learns from Mitchell that he had given her up for adoption when his marriage fell apart after the birth of her brother and the mother took to alcohol and drugs. He had hoped that the children would have a better life and he had no knowledge of their whereabouts. He also does not want to meet them at this stage. The detective helps Julie find her lost brother, who is actually her acquaintance Stefan the electrician. She traces him out. Mitchell is finally reconciled with his children and makes his peace with God.

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Prof Gigy Joseph

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LIKE A NOURISHING TABLET

When “Magnet” is not around for reading, I miss it a lot. The magazine is like a condensed tablet that will sustain one for days. Its contextualized articles, well written in simple and logical way, are a delight to read. In the June issue, reading about the struggles many had to go through during the Covid 19 Pandemic, and equally matching generous service of the medical persons and others—this was heart-rending. I like the inspirational quotes found  on page 2.They are very catchy and profound. I found this monthly column very useful—Tips for Superiors. Whether formally named superior or not, one has to play that role  on and off. I wish the magazine Team all the best and hope many will read and benefit from it.

Sr. Marian Mathew PBVM, Kanjoor 683575, KERALA

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We interviewed the new bishop of Port Blair, Andamans, who was consecrated on August 21. Here is his vocation story—of a naughty boy from a business family with no priests—his enthusiastic vision and his keenness on being a cheerful giver.

 1. Please tell us something of your vocation story. Why did you want to become a priest? When did you sense this as God’s call for you?

I hail from a business family, which has no precedence of having a priest.  So, it was a surprise for many that my family members should allow me to enter the seminary. I do not remember any particular reason or incident that led me to join the formation house for priests. All I remember is that I was an altar boy at Our Lady of Guidance Church, RA Puram, Chennai, from 1977, the year after my First Holy Communion and Confirmation. I was ten years old then. Although my house was about two and a half kilometres from the church, I used to participate in the daily Eucharist since then. I continued to serve at  the altar till the day I entered the minor seminary on the 15^th June, 1981. I suppose my serving at the altar of the Lord and my acquaintance with the priests in the parish must have inspired me.

2. What do you remember best about your formation? What helped you most during your years of formation?

During the period of formation, the seminarian needs to have good formators. I thank God that I had excellent formators throughout my formation period from 1981 to 1994. In St. Thomas Minor Seminary, Santhome, Chennai, I had the Diocesan fathers. in Sacred Heart Seminary, Poonamallee, Chennai, I had the Salesian and the diocesan fathers. During my regency, I had the Pilar and Jesuit fathers. In St. Albert’s College, Ranchi, Jharkhand, I had the Jesuits.

I believe, however, that the family is the first formation house for everyone, including priests and religious. God gave me good parents, brothers, sister, sisters-in-law, nieces & nephews, grand-nieces/nephews, other relatives and friends. I am grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful formators and family members. I am thankful to all of them who played a vital role in my years of formation.

Each formation house is unique. I must admit and be thankful to every formation house from where I received the Grace of God. Thank God I had an excellent group of formators, and excellent companions wherever I was sent. The love, concern and, of course, the knowledge that I received from these formation houses were responsible for me to be what I am today.

Thanks to my father and brothers, by the Grace of God, I am an out-going person with a helping nature. This helped me to keep up good relationships with everyone. I never regretted being in a particular seminary throughout my formation. I was always happy. I never missed any classes except for a few days when I was admitted in the hospital during my minor seminary and when I had to go home for my brother’s death. It is also very true that I was very naughty. Thanks to my superiors for being considerate…. Otherwise I would have been sent out from every seminary I studied.

3. You started studying for Madras-Mylapore Archdiocese. How did you shift to Andamans?

That remains to me a mystery even now—how I decided to leave Madras-Mylaore and join the Diocese of Port Blair.   At age fifteen, I entered the Minor seminary in Santhome, Chennai, for the Archdiocese of Madras-Mylapore. A that time I did not know what it meant  to be a diocesan or a religious. As years passed, I realized that my call to the priesthood was meant for a missionary diocese. I was thinking of going to Africa—provided my family would allow. In 1987, when my parish priest, the late Fr  Kripakaran, suggested that I the Diocese of Port Blair, I said “YES” spontaneously—without knowing what I was saying. I believe that the spontaneous “Yes” at that moment, was not my decision, it was an inspiration by the Holy Spirit. I am grateful to Archbishop Casimir Gnanadikam of Madras-Mylapore, Father S.J. Antony Samy, my spiritual director, and Bishop Antony Devotta, who was then in charge of Madras-Mylapore seminarians, for encouraging me to follow my conscience; and to Bishop Alex Dias for accepting me as a seminarian for the diocese of Port Blair.

4. Can you share a few of your most beautiful experiences as a priest?

Fr Joe Mannath once guided our annual retreat in the diocese of Port Blair. When I met him for spiritual guidance, he asked me, “Visuvasam, are you a happy priest?” My spontaneous answer was “Yes.” If the same question is put to me today, my answer would be “Yes.” I pray that this “Yes” continues to be active till the end of my earthly life.

My journey as a priest has always been a happy and beautiful story. Of course there are ups and downs. I am human, after all. I admit that I made mistakes, even grave ones, at times. I thank my considerate and understanding Bishop, Most Rev. Alex Dias, for helping me. I consider him as my mentor.

I am now 27+ years a priest. If I were to write about the best part of my priesthood, I would mention my three years as a parish priest in a remote place called “Katchai-Kamorta Islands” in the Nicobar group of islands. It was a small parish with two islands, apart from each other by a two-hour boat journey. When I was there from 2006 to 2009, the mobile network was very poor. The ship connectivity between Port Blair & Katchal-Kamorta was twice or thrice a month. In the sense of comfort, there was very little to talk about. But, as a priest, I learned to slow down, learned to talk to people at their level, learned to spend more time in prayer… learned to reflect on my priestly life. I should say that those three years made me a changed person.

The time I got involved in Post-Tsunami activities as director of social work is another period of Joy. That period taught me to work with the laity. It taught me to share responsibilities in decision-making.

5. What do you see as the toughest challenges for priests and religious?

The toughest challenges for priests and religious are many:

1. Seeing and perceiving good in everyone and in everything, and being a positive person.
2. Discerning God’s will for me in a particular situation, since this is more important than what I wish/want to do.
3. Learning to work with another without jealousy and envy, and being a community person. I feel that witnessing value that we give by working fraternally with our brother priests is more important than one’s individual efficiency.
4. Humility in expressing oneself and appreciating others when they do well.
5. Obedience to the superior, especially when one is challenged to accept superior’s decision.

6. From your experience, what is the main thing our people expect from priests and religious? What are the best things we can do for them?

People want us to see a priest as a “priest of God, servant of God.”. People want to see us as loving and caring. This is my experience: when I am loving and caring, people forgive and forget my shortcomings and my inefficiency.

7. What are your main dreams and desires as a new bishop?

I don’t have a dream or a desire as such. But I can say the following:

1. The Church in Andaman and Nicobar Islands should be a Church that is led by the Holy Spirit.
2. The Church in A & N Islands should remain a poor church that emanates the Light of Christ both “ad intra & ad extra.”
3. I want to see myself and the other priests with the zeal of St. Paul, burning with passion for the Risen Christ.
4. I often said that my former Bishop, after governing the diocese for thirty-four long years, handed over to us, “One united Church.” I will want to hand over the same to my successor—priests, religious and the laity living in unity.
5. I want to see the Church in A & N Islands as Church, where Priests/ religious and the laity work in tandem and that we make truly promote the participation of the laity, and become a “Laity centered” Church.

8. We see you as happy and enthusiastic. What is the secret of your enthusiasm? What gives you strength and hope?

It is true that I am a happy person and a happy priest—and I want to be a happy bishop as well. I have chosen as my Episcopal Motto, “God Loves a Cheerful Giver” (2 Cor. 9:7b). My life has been and will be one of “giving.” Throughout my priestly life, I have tried to be close to the people and to the Presbyterium. I am always a “community person.” I will continue to be the same in the future. I pray that the missionary spirit of the great Apostle St. Paul, whom I consider to be my patron, be my spirit as well. I wish that, at the end of my life here on earth, I may say with St. Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”, (2Tim 4:7).

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BISHOP VISHUASAM SELVARAJ

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I am writing this in my office in Delhi at 1.28 am. Just finished going through eleven contributions on the reading habit—from religious, priests, two lay women, one lay man. How I wish we could spread this sort of good “virus” so that more and more people really open books, discover the hidden treasures that lie therein, and got in touch with their own incredible potential more fully. Every one of the writers speaks of the huge and lovely difference reading has made to their lives. They are aware of the poor reading habits of many who are supposed to teach and lead (priests and religious). They have practical suggestions for various age groups.

Read and see for yourselves.

We, who have such a long (and expensive) residential training behind us, while so many around us are either deprived of education, or libraries, of meeting good teachers—what do we do with all these opportunities? Is our level of awareness, of conversation, of impact significantly deeper and vaster than the majority who never had access to so much opportunity?

Our writers have noticed the prevalence of gossip and petty talk that tend to dominate where serious reading and grown-up concerns are weak or missing.

They are aware of the strides made by educated lay people, compared to whom many of us sadly lag behind. Gone—gone long, long ago—are the days when a priest with an average undergraduate degree or a sister who could teach in school were among the most educated persons in a village. Thank God such days are gone.

I remember reading this sensible and half-humorous comment on modes of travel. When motor cars and trains appeared, we did not update the bullock cart. The age of the bullock cart was gone. We needed to step into a new era.

Today, we live in a world of educated lay people and smart youngsters in touch with the brightest in the world. To lead them, we need to cultivate our mind. The witness of a Christ-like life of genuine love, compassion, simplicity and truthfulness remains the core issue, of course. Both the scholar and the mentally deficient person are equally precious before God.

But, precisely to know what is going on, to understand what happens around us, and how the world operates, to train leaders through our schools and colleges and media ministry, to deal with those who think differently from us—for all this, we need to cultivate the mind. We need to read. We need to write—and communicate in as many ways as we can, and do it intelligently and effectively.

May those in our care in our institutions be able to look up to us.

May a young person who joins our community hear conversations that inspire—not gossip, not repeated discussions on food and cricket, and who is getting transferred where. While we put healthy food on their plate, may we also feed their mind with a gripping diet that thrills them, and their hearts with a passion for a good life.

If not, the sad experience of  a genuine and inspiring woman religious  I know can come true. Being intelligent and good-looking, she was expected by her parents to study, get married, and stay close to them. But she was inspired by the example of a Sister who taught her, and insisted on joining religious life. With great reluctance, the family finally gave their consent. What happened then? “I thought I would become better after joining the convent. I was shocked to see that I was becoming worse. The kind of conversations and relationships that I saw were not what I expected. I was better at home. This was my first discovery: If I am not careful, I will become worse in religious life.”

May that not happen to any young person joining what claims to be a tested road to a holier life, in the company of others who also seek God and want to serve.

One key element—although not the most important—in this complicated and highly structured life that says no to two of life’s most beautiful pursuits (spousal love and parenthood) is the right development of the mind. What we consume, what we give out, and how we speak, write and do other creative tasks, shows us where our mind is, and what it is filled with.

May what our minds dwell on be in line with what we profess.

May what comes out of our heart and mind be life-giving.

The biggest assets in our life and ministry are not land, computers, smart phones and bank accounts, but a good, well-formed mind following a heart centred on God. People who live with us and work with us can see it soon enough.

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She suffered a shoulder injury in 2017.

She was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2018.

She recovered, and made a comeback.

In the Tokyo Olympics, she won a silver medal for her javelin throw.

She said that the medal was a “symbol of struggle, faith and the pursuit of dreams despite many adversities.”

Now comes the best part.

She did not use that medal or the fame for making money. Instead, she decided to auction her medal to raise money for a poor child who needed heart surgery. The child–eight-month-old Miloszek Malysa—was no relative of hers; his family was unknown to her.

But Maria Magdalena Andrejczyk, the Polish javelin champion, heard of this infant who needed surgery, for which he had to be taken to Stanford University, USA.

She decided to auction her medal, and contribute the money towards Miloszek’s surgery.

What comes next, too, is a tribute to human goodness.

Zabka, a Polish convenience store, placed the top bid of 51,000 US dollars; others chipped in $74,000, making a total of 125,000 US dollars. But, instead of keeping the medal, the directors of Zabka decided to return it to Maria Andrejczyk. They made this statement on Facebook, “We were moved by the beautiful and extremely noble gesture of our Olympian. “We also decided that the silver medal from Tokyo will remain with Ms Maria, who showed how great she is.”

There are things far greater than money, and far more beautiful than Olympic victories, right?

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Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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