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Psychology & Life

CELIBATE FRIENDSHIPS: REQUISITES AND HELPS

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV5

The last three psychology columns presented the importance and relevance of friendships within celibate living. The last of these presented some heterosexual attachment dynamics that we need to keep in mind. In this column, I present eleven personality characteristics and behaviours that contribute to maintaining man-woman relationships within a celibate commitment at healthy levels, and contribute to psychosexual maturity.

  1. Clear Sense of Our Celibate Identity

To enter into close heterosexual relationships, with all the challenges they involve, we need to be psychologically mature. We need to have a reasonably sound self-identity before we can face the challenge of intimacy. We need to have clear notions of what it means to be a celibate. We need have some clarity with regard to its demands. We need to have a clear sense of our celibate boundaries and the capacity to deny gratification of impulses that would violate them.

      2. Seeing Friendship as a Gift

Friendship is a gift. If we do not have one, it may not be wise to go in search of one. A free gift of providence should not be forced or sought as an answer to a persistent need. Rather, our attitude should be one of relaxed and gracious openness to the offers of friendships that come our way. We accept them gratefully when they come our way, cherish and nourish them. If we look back on our lives, we realise how many friendships were offered to us, and how often we rejected them through one kind of fear or another. We don’t need to run after friendships or demand friendships from others; they will come to us.


FR. JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB

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Social Justice

Do Not Condemn the Prisoners

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV3

Yeshwanth (name changed) had been living happily with his wife and 6 children in the house that he had built on inherited land. The property was a portion of the 7 acres that his father had cleared in the forest area, with due permission from the Tehsildar, and divided between Yeshwanth and his 2 brothers. His brothers too had constructed houses in their portion of the land. They cultivated the land and reared animals for a living. It was not a luxurious life, but they did manage to make ends meet, and were happy. Life was going on smoothly for the 3 brothers, until a few years down the line when tribals from the neighbouring village came with the claim that the land was rightfully theirs as it fell in the tribal belt. The tribals went to the extent of destroying their crops and forcefully taking the yield from the land.

One evening as it was getting dark, Yeshwanth saw 3 tribals ploughing his land. When he confronted them, a scuffle broke out and they started throwing stones. Unfortunately, a stone that Yeshwanth threw back at them accidentally killed one of the 3 tribals. The next day the police, accompanied by a huge crowd, arrested Yeshwanth. He was beaten up mercilessly, despite him narrating the truth. He was thrown into jail – the sub-jail first, then the district jail, and finally the circle jail. Fearing the tribals, nobody came to his rescue. He was sentenced to 20 years imprisonment. As he was poor, he could not hire a lawyer to fight his case. His family too was on the streets with no place to live, as they had been driven out of the village.


Sr Lini Sheeja MSC

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Moving to the margins

The Giant Kite Festival of Sumpango

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV2

At times I am utterly disgusted with the human race. A few weeks ago, Harmanjeet Singh, 22 was killed after an altercation with three Nihangs — the radical Sikh warrior sect. He was being accused of chewing tobacco and being drunk near the Golden Temple, the Sikh’s holiest shrine. I am not going to enter into the theme of religious fanaticism, because that opens a can of worms for all religions. What shocks me is the fact that these three men believe they possess the “moral authority” to decide what is good or bad and the “legal authority” to execute another human being in less than one minute. The other thing that shocks me is that some men were around witnessing what was happening and not one of them seems to have said or done anything. At least they were not recording the execution on their mobiles. The whole tragedy was caught on a CCTV.

One newspaper commented that the protection of shrines is a highly sensitive issue for Sikhs and the consumption of tobacco, liquor or drugs on a holy site is considered an act of desecration; while another newspaper reported that the killing took place in a market just a few minutes’ walk from the Golden Temple.


Brother Carmel Duca MC

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Vocation Stories

God’s Loving Hand at Every Step

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV13

My vocation story begins like this.

I was born as the third child of my parents. I have two older brothers and one younger brother. My father was a dentist and my mother a homemaker.  My mother had a great devotion to Our Lady and had prayed to her daily for a girl child. So, I was born as the third child, the only daughter to my parents. I was attached to my parents. I never left my parents even for half-a-day. There was a spirit of devotion and prayer in the family. We grew up in an atmosphere of great love and blessings of God.

Once, after the 10th standard final exams, I had gone to Church. After Mass, a certain sister from the Franciscan Congregation came along with me till the bus stop and she kept talking about the people struggling for justice in the North East and other parts of India. Two days later, I told my parents that I wanted to become a nun. They did not believe me! I had never stayed away from my parents. I was loved very much and petted as a child. Since my mother’s teacher was the Superior General of the Congregation of St. Anne, Bangalore (SAB), she suggested that I join them. So, I joined the SABs.


Sr Maria Matilda SAB

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Canon Law

One Call – Diverse Charisms

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV12

I am Sr. Christi, a newly professed Sister. As I have begun my ministry, I have come across different categories of Consecrated persons. The differences that I perceive confuses me and questions come into my mind. Can you explain about the juridical implications of various Institutes of Consecrated Life?

The origin of the Consecrated life in the East and the West may be traced from the letters of St. Paul dating back to 50-65 A.D. In the Pauline corpus we read that in the early church, celibate women dedicated to prayer and charity were honored. The historical evolution of this way of life, reveals that Church admires this vocation “as belonging to the holiness of the Church”. Therefore, Ecclesiastical authorities have given recognition to various forms of Consecrated identity. Latin Code (CIC) recognizes three forms, and the Oriental Code recognizes five forms. Apart from these two the Codes approve the vocation to hermitical life and the life of consecrated virgins.

According to CIC, there are Religious Institutes, Secular Institutes and Societies of Apostolic life. CCEO explains about Monks, Orders, Congregations, Societies in the manner of Religious, Secular Institutes, and Societies of Apostolic Life. Some of the specifications of each category are to be noted to know their juridical status.


Sr Navya Thattil OSF

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Movie Review

Movie Reviews : Son of Man | The Pilgrim’s Progress

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV18

Son of Man (2005) 87 minutes.

Director: Mark Dornford-May

Noluthando Boqwana, Andile Kosi , Pauline Malefane , Andries Mbali , Mvuyisi Mjali , Gwebile Jim Ngxabaze, Zorro Sidloyi

This movie closely follows the Gospel story with a focus on Mary and Jesus set in a startlingly contemporary African setting. It contrasts the essential message of the Gospels with the stark realities of the post-colonial African world. The action is presented against the background of a fictional town named Judea which could be any country in Africa.  The African Jesus is presented as a black man who sacrifices himself in the battle for peace in a world of military dictatorships, political unrest and violence. His mother, fleeing political suppression under a dictator, hallucinates that she is going to have a baby boy, announced by a mysterious angelic person. The child is born during an exile when her husband is taken away by the military and she is left with the child. Shepherds and wise men visit the baby too. His enemies set about to hunt him down in a sequence that recalls the slaughter of the innocents. As Jesus grows into a young man, he leaves his mother behind and begins a ministry much like the Jesus of the Gospels.  He is a strong advocate against exploitation and violence.  He builds a community of followers around him whose names are those of the disciples mentioned in the Gospels. One of them is a greedy Judas who betrays him for money. He is arrested taken for trial and killed. Unlike the Gospel narrative he is made to disappear like in the case of dictatorial regimes that make their opponents disappear. When Mary gets the news of her son’s disappearance, she goes searching for his body, recovers it and sets him upon a cross as a reminder of the violence and brutality of the establishment.

The inhabitants of the township are enraged by the injustice poured out upon Jesus, but are apparently still unwilling to stand up against the tyranny that oppresses them. It is only when Mary refuses to cower before gun-toting soldiers that the people follow her example as she follows that of her son. A community of peaceful protestors sing hymns around him and face up to the gun toting soldiers.

The opening sequence presents an encounter between the African Jesus being tempted by Satan and is rebuffed, but Satan declares “this is my world”. The ending sequence recalls the same when the women in the congregation resisting violence raises the question for the sake of their children: “whose world is this?”, but on a strong note of hope with Jesus surrounded by his angels.

The film is to be seen as an expression of postcolonial agency, as a call to constructive political action, as an interpretation of the Gospels, and as a reconfiguration of the Jesus film tradition.  The film itself concisely asks on behalf of the children featured in it and their politically active mothers, ‘Whose world is this’?

The Pilgrim’s Progress –  82 minutes

Director- David Kirk West

Cast Jeremy Oliveira, Matthew McAuliffe,Danielle MacDowell, Mera Oliveira,Sean snyderLary Anderson, Josh Oliveira.  

There have been several film adaptations of this classic Christian allegory of the 17th century, considered one of the most widely read pieces of fiction in English. Its unfailing popularity rests on its combination of adventure, journey, dream, and bringing together of key Christian doctrines into popular imagination thereby appealing to people of all ages and cultures. This adaptation of Pilgrim’s Progress is rendered in the musical form with rhymed dialogue and engaging gospel music. The story is set against a rural setting and as a dream within a dream.  A pastor named Christian is the chief narrator as imagined by John Bunyan the author of the literary work.  Christian who reads ‘The Book’ is overwhelmed by a sense of the burden of sin and the vision of an impending destruction of the city of doom where he lives. He is mocked and rejected by his family when he exhorts them to leave with him to escape doom. He sets out alone guided by the ‘Evangelist’ who appears at crucial moments to guide him. He faces temptations on the way but resolutely journeys on to free himself from the burden of sin.


Prof Gigy Joseph

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Editorial

Remember and Celebrate

MAGNET 1300 x 450 NOV

November is a time when we celebrate the memories of our loved ones who have gone to the Lord before us.  At the start of the month many cultures and religions round the world have rituals and ceremonies to remember the deceased.    In Mexico, there is Dia de Los Muertos, the Mexican holiday of remembrance; in Sumpango, Guatemala – the Giant kite festival to honour the dead; in the Catholic tradition All Souls Day, all of them weaving a thread of connectedness with the souls who have lived among us.  I have vivid and endearing memories of many village communities, that have been a part of my missionary landscape, clean up the cemeteries, decorate graves of loved ones, ask pardon from each other, cook and share food in the burial ground, and above all consciously create spaces to honour the dead, communicate with them and give new life to their living memoirs.   Memories are refreshing because through those reminiscences love lives on in us and flows out through us.  Our Eucharistic celebration is one such space that we create every day to remember, to celebrate and to commune with a divine love that transforms us into channels of gratitude and compassion.

Magnet is yet another space of remembrance where we bring together our success stories and the live anecdotes of people who suffer, who are wronged, threatened and bereft of a space.   In these pages we see how women and men religious and other committed people make of their lives a continual offering in love.   The features in this edition are both thought provoking and heartening.   On one side is the celebration of communion and on the other the human instinct for immediate solutions leading even to mass provocations as we see in the first article on Sumpango; the feeling for prisoners who are often locked inside unjustly, the sunshine emanating from a pastor who decided to live happily and spread joy,  meaningful tips for living authentic friendships,  the touching life of the military officer who excelled as a fine human being,  the story of a young sister’s call,  Canon Law for a meaningful religious life, self-care practices for all,  basic financial procedures for safeguarding religious, people who made a difference because of their goodness and review of two movies and books that touch one’s soul.

This issue has the NEP 2020 as its cover story.   The NEP created a stir in the hearts of people both for the right and the wrong reasons.  We have our brother Bosco, hailing from a rural setting in Karnataka, presenting to us in the main Cover Story article an appraisal of the New National Education Policy 2020 highlighting its pros and cons.  Three responses from different perspectives – Higher Education, School Education, Minorities; and The Way Forward gives us a glimpse of the multifaceted consequences of this new proposal.

The soul of a magazine is its writers.  They give life to it and create its identity. The Magnet community expresses its gratitude to Fr Jose Parappully, SDB who has been part of its august group of columnists from almost its inception.  Fr Jose, who will not be continuing to write in Magnet due to time and health constraints, took care of the psychology wing, and has written 60 episodes.  This means he has been writing with unstinted commitment for the past six years.  He covered topics which were very useful, practical and meaningful.  Good researchers make good writers.  All his writings came from his continuous study and exploration of themes that matter to each of us.  Many in the early years of their religious commitment would thank Fr Jose for his clear perspectives on many aspects of life that raised queries in them. Thank you Fr Jose and we wish you continued inspiration as a writer and a psychologist.

Let’s celebrate life through the words of humans who have felt passionately about the topics that you are about to read. Wishing each of you enjoyable reading.


Pushpa Joseph

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Canon Law

Consent or Consultation?

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I am Sr. Augusta, a perpetually professed religious. I often read in our Constitution about the need of Superior General/Provincial to seek the consent of the council to decide certain matters. We also read in other places about consulting the council. Therefore, I would like to get clarity about these terms in decision-making.

Canon 127 of CIC and canon 934 of CCEO deal with the juridical notion of the words consent and consult in the legal sphere.

An ecclesiastical superior has much power in the exercise of his or her office.  But there are determined instances in which he or she is obliged by law to seek either the consent or the counsel of certain organs or persons before making a juridic act (any importance decision). These requirements are introduced in canon law not only for motives of prudence, that is, in order to assist the superior in avoiding mistakes or rash decisions, but also for a more sublime reason, that is, to assure the superior of real cooperation of persons (council) who depend on him or her according to the ecclesial principle of co-responsibility and participation. Canon 127 of CIC and canon 934 of CCEO establish the principles for guiding this cooperation and participation.

Wherever the law requires that the superior must have the consent of her/his counsel for a valid act, the superior must “obtain” the consent with an expressed voting of any mode. Through voting of any kind, she should look for an absolute majority of those present in order to decide on  the act. The obligation of consent stipulated in law juridically binds the superior who cannot “validly” act against the vote duly formulated and clearly expressed by persons (council) concerned.


Sr Navya Thattil OSF

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Moving to the margins

A New “Caste System”

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Visiting my country (Malta) after five years in India created curiosity among family and friends. Due to the easy access of social media, people seem to be more knowledgeable about social and cultural issues in India now than when I first visited in 1988. This time the type of questions I was asked usually started with, “Is it true that . . .?” “Are the people still . . .?” Maltese were amazed and intrigued that certain practices are still very much in vogue and that others unfortunately are being lost. But one of the hottest questions this time was, “Is the caste system still very much alive?” I tried to explain that a lot has changed since, say, Gandhi’s time, but that there are still marriage announcements every Sunday on the Times of India seeking brides and grooms based on caste, religion, money earned and even shades of skin colour. And there are still some Catholic dioceses without a bishop because one caste would not accept a bishop from another caste.

Climbing the social ladder might be a little bit more accessible nowadays than say seventy years ago, but still, one will always be reminded of his or her own roots. Shilpa Raj, a South Indian girl, featuring in the Netflix series Daughters of Destiny and who wrote her biography The Elephant Chaser’s Daughter, is a clinical psychologist PhD at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York. She comes from a Dalit class in Karnataka. In one of the interviews she gave, she said that even though she is reading a doctorate in the US, she will never be able to marry an Indian boy from a higher caste. And then again, which Dalit boy in his right frame of mind would think of marrying a PhD graduate?


Brother Carmel Duca MC

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Cover Story

A DIFFERENT LOVE STORY

A DIFFERENT LOVE STORY

Striking Numbers

India has, right now, the largest number of religious in the world—about 130,610, belonging to 399 religious orders. The largest section, by far, are women religious—about one lakh and two thousand in active orders and about 890 contemplatives. Religious priests number

25,523, belonging to ninety orders, and the 2,031 Brothers belong to seventeen orders.

According to the 2021 CRI Directory, the average age is 47.73.

A large group, most of whom are well educated, and run well-known institutions imparting education, medical care and other services. Most religious congregations are also financially stable and secure.

A strong force—large, trained, disciplined, well accepted by beneficiaries. In fact, the rush to get into Catholic schools and colleges is well known. Our 3400 medical presences offer a huge service to the sick, particularly in rural areas.

Such a body of educated and specially trained women and men certainly makes a difference.

What is the difference we make? Are we making the difference we are meant to? How can we do it better?

That is what this issue looks at.

A Hidden Life

Let me start with what most people know least about—our contemplative religious.

Among our contemplatives are smart, well-educated women who could easily have had a successful career, but chose to follow a Love that fascinated them. I have been impressed by two such young women and several older ones. One, a novice, has a doctorate in astrophysics. The other was student leader in a prestigious college. Both took a vocational decision that shocked family members, companions and well-wishers. Theirs is not a decision we can easily understand. It can seem to be a foolish waste of talent. But a mystic’s heart sees differently from what human calculations show us.

The number of contemplatives in India is not high. Most orders have very few younger members. But, unseen by the world and contributing nothing visible or measurable to humankind, these hidden hearts sustain the world through a life of prayer, universal love and a spiritual quest unmediated by direct ministry.

Mere Social Work or a God-encounter?

Most religious are engaged in visible activities—teaching, medical work, social services, media ministry, pastoral work. The largest number are involved in teaching.

All these settings provide us chances to do good. But, if all we do is just to perform the assigned tasks—teaching some subjects, being a doctor or nurse or social worker, or being engaged in social action and political consciousness-raising—we do not need faith in Jesus or a deep spiritual life or celibacy to do it. Anyone with common sense and a reasonable level of education can do it. No need of vocational discernment, retreats, hours of daily prayer or long years of formation for it.

We are not simply English teachers, or principals, or accountants or nurses or social workers. As Mother Teresa put it, “I come from a happy family. I would not have left it to do social work.” For her, responding to Jesus and meeting Him is what mattered. That is what energized her and kept her radiantly happy. She saw Jesus in the dying destitute person who smelt bad or had maggots in his wounds or was covered with dirt. When our inner eye is open, the world around us looks different. We see people and events through God’s eyes.


Fr Joe Mannath SDB

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