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Here are ten suggestions. Choose one or some or all ten

Joyful Lent? Isn’t it supposed to be a sombre time, unlike Christmas, which is experienced as a joyful celebration?
No! The church calls Lent a joyful season.
Why? In what way?
Here’s how.
When we get over a sickness, or become more fit through exercise, or heal a division through an apology, all these are joyful events worth celebrating.
This is exactly what Lent is for—to heal our hearts, to become stronger to love, to get closer to God and to one another.
Lent, in simple words, is not mainly about a change of diet. It is really about a change of heart.
Carrots will not get me closer to God than chicken soup. Vegetarians are not necessarily better than meat-eaters. In fact, Jesus insisted that it is not what I put into my mouth that corrupts me, but what comes out of my mouth.
Then, why Lent? What is its meaning? How can we keep it in the spirit of Jesus?
What makes Lent, or any time of the year, “holy” or spiritually beneficial are three practices: prayer, charity and penance. We need all three 365 days of the year; but we can focus on them more intensely during these forty days.
Here are ten suggestions. Choose one or some or all ten.

1. REFLECT

Ruben, an IT professional, says: “I am all into the world of IT and computers and Internet and Facebook contacts and that whole world based on machines. I run the risk of losing my humanity. So, I use Lent to take time to pause. I like to think of what life is about, what God means to me, and how to become a better human being.” I like to sit in a church or in my room or in a park quietly and face myself honestly.”

2. PRAY

Rita, a nurse in a city hospital, finds that her days are full—with work, travel, caring for family members. “When we are busy, the one we throw out first is often God. Isn’t it true? We say we are too busy to pray. But we find time for many other things. As I neglect God, I also lose my peace of mind and become less caring. So, I want to pray more during Lent. I want to get up ten minutes earlier and spend that time talking with God. On days I do this, I am happier and stronger.”

3. FAST

Jason, a college student, is fond of good food and the occasional drink. Nothing wrong with having a good appetite, but if food becomes a big concern in life, what will happen to more important things? So, Jason has decided to abstain during Lent from some of the foods he likes a lot, and to have just one meal on Fridays. When he tried this in other years, he found that it was a struggle at the beginning, but left him feeling happier afterwards. The sense of being in control rather than be controlled by his desires is a good feeling, he says. After all, he says, we need discipline to succeed in any line—sports, business, research, body-building. Why not be more disciplined to be a better human being?

4. help

Jesus’ main message to us, without any doubt, is: You are tenderly loved by God. What God wants most from you is that you love one another. Use Lent to grow in love. If sharing an ice cream makes someone else happy, do it, rather than avoid ice cream because we are in Lent. Love matters more than fasting or saying prayers. Whom will you help during Lent? Is there anyone in need of a visit, a kind word of encouragement, some financial help? Anyone who is alone or lonely whom you can visit?

5. VISIT

Visit that aged relative whom you may have been neglecting. Visit a home for the aged. Talk with some of the inmates. Several of them long for a visit. Visit your parents if you have been away long.

6. SHARE

What gifts can you share? Time? Money? Talents? If you are a parent, train your children to share, not to accumulate. Today, with smaller families, there is a great danger of children becoming more self-centred and less willing to share. Teach them to celebrate Christmas and their birthday and other special occasions by sharing things with poorer kids, rather than wait for one more gift.

7. APOLOGIZE

Have you hurt anyone? If so, apologize. Say sorry for any pains you caused, rather than give excuses or blame other people. Blaming serves no useful purpose. An apology brings healing, both to you and to the person you have injured. If there are divisions in your family or religious congregation, do something about it this Lent. Often, people are waiting for someone else to take the first step. Whoever takes that first step, does a lot for the healing of hearts.

8. FORGIVE

Forgive those who hurt you. Learn from people who have forgiven atrocious ill-treatment and injustice. Forgiving is a favour you do to yourself. Keeping anger in your heart does you enormous damage. Forgive! Let go of hurts! Don’t let anger and grudges poison your life.

9. APPRECIATE

Most people long for a word of appreciation. Do you thank people for their services—the driver, the cook, the lift operator, the watchman? Do you notice the good that people do, and say a word of appreciation? A simple, spontaneous word of appreciation means much more than formal speeches on the stage. Each of us can multiply the good in the world if we affirm those who do good.

10. READ THE BIBLE

Spend time with the Word of God. It carries all the answers we need. We often seek solutions and guidance else where. Make your prayer life centred on Jesus and the Bible, not on saints (including founders). During Lent, become more familiar with the Word of God. Allow it to become really the lamp for your feet and the light on your path.

The core of Lent is a change of heart, not simply a change of diet. If you change your diet at all (e.g., by avoiding meat, and fasting on prescribed days), please remember it is only a reminder of the main thing—to become more loving, more disciplined and more God-centred.
If so, Easter will truly be a rising to a new life—a life more like that of Jesus

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 – Fr. Joe Mannath SDB is the National Secretary of CRI and the editor of this magazine

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Are you happy? Or better, how happy are you? Here is LESSON NUMBER ONE on happiness: No one else can give it you. Circumstances cannot cause it. You have to build it—on seven strong pillars. If these pillars are strong, you will be a happy person—even when things do not go the way you like. If not, you will be waiting—in vain—for events or people to bring you happiness. They will not. Seven strong pillars. Seven secrets—which, deep down, all of us know

1. LOVE

The surest way of becoming

I had a simple and dramatic illustration of this at a seminar for psychologists. Geeta, a counsellor and therapist in her early forties, came for a chat. She had gone through a phase, she said, when her enthusiasm was waning, and she found herself more and more unhappy. She asked herself: What is happening? What can I do about this? She came to this simple conclusion: Whatever the setting, I can bring more love into it. “Once I made this mental shift and acted on it,” she said, smiling, “I have been happy.” In fact, she lived this truth in the seminar itself. After getting her room, she asked the organizers, “Do you need any help?” “Yes, we do. Can you help to distribute the material?” She did this readily. This readiness was the fruit of the mental shift he had made: I can bring more love into any setting I am in. This is the simplest, most practical secret of happiness— not waiting to be looked after, but reaching out in love. We are hurt most in relationships. We are healed best through relationships. Both our greatest sufferings and our deepest joys are linked to relationships. Do you agree? Happiness? The most frequent experiences of happiness are linked to relationships—being with someone we love, doing something for someone out of love, thinking of someone dear to us, receiving a sign of love from someone. The September issue of MAGNET presented a research (under “Psychology and Life”) showing how the greatest help for health and happiness as we grow older is cultivating close friendships. Beena, a seminar participant, whose radiant face was a treat, said: “I learned this from my mother,” she said. “Whatever her troubles, she went about cheerfully, making others happy. I learnt from her that we can think of others, and keep ourselves happy.” We will be tempted to take short-cuts or seek comfort and escape in selfishness; this may even appear clever to us—to refuse to help, to put down someone else, to shun sacrifices or get someone else to do the harder jobs—but we will soon discover that selfishness—using people for our immediate satisfaction or advantage—leads to unhappiness and the weight of a lonely heart bereft of love. In fact, research shows that, if depressed people reach out to help others, their depression weakens, and they feel happier. If you want to be happy, don’t postpone the decision to love—and to be happy—to a vague future. Decide to do at least three loving things today, without expecting any reward. And, at the end of the day, before you to go to sleep, check what are things you did out of love today. Those are the best things you will have done today, and the ones most likely to make you deeply happy.

2. Faith

If you want to be happy, get close to God

Abundant research evidence has convinced psychologists that people who pray, people whom are more active in their religious practices, live longer, enjoy better health and are able to handle the stresses of life far better. Fr. M. M. Balaguer SJ, whom I was privileged to have as my spiritual guide for a while, explained to me the secret of his remarkable serenity and inner strength. “In everything that happens to you,” he would tell me, with deep conviction, “The Lord has a message for you.” Want to try it? You will see that it works. The next time something happens that upsets or disappoints you, instead of shouting and grumbling or withdrawing into a bad mood, ask yourself: “What is the Lord telling me through this?” Some people are deeply rooted in that awareness. Such was the case of Barbara, a brilliant medical professional working with the US State Department. When she needed serious surgery, and, being a doctor herself, knew the risks involved, she wrote to ask for prayers. She had complications of brain and heart functions, and anesthesia itself could be dangerous. Knowing all this, what did she ask me to pray for? “Joe,” she wrote, “Please pray that I may learn whatever I am meant to learn from this experience.” Faith does not remove all pain from life, not give us easy answers. But it can provide an anchor, a sense of our worth, a sense of hope in the face of despair, tremendous inner strength to face struggles light and heavy. It makes us see ourselves as significant loved ones who matter for Someone who really cares. This is why I consider Lorraine one of the best lifeteachers I have ever had. Lorraine laughed a lot, although she was in the final stages of cancer, and knew it. One day, she invited two of us for dinner, a meal she herself cooked. When we went to her house, we saw a huge stuffed toy: a large rabbit holding a baby rabbit in its arms. Lorraine explained: “When I bought it, the two rabbits were standing, holding hands. I unstitched the fingers, and put the baby rabbit in the mother rabbit’s arms, and stitched the arms of the mother rabbit around the little rabbit.” The reason: “Because that is how I feel in the arms of God.” She maintained her trust—and her hearty laughter—right through the remaining months up to her death. Life is not easy for anyone. Don’t expect it to be a cakewalk. If you want to be happy in the mixture of heartaches and smiles that is everyone’s lot, have a strong, solid anchor that will keep your ship safe. That anchor, that rootedness in love, is what faith is about. It is probably the surest foundation for a happy life.

3. Purpose

If you want to be happy, live for something!

Sheena, a young woman who longed to have a baby, but found, after repeated medical treatments, that she would not be able to conceive, told me of the emptiness in her life. This changed dramatically after she and husband decided to adopt a baby. Now she feels that her life has a purpose. She is ready to make any sacrifice for the child. Parenthood gives most people a strong sense of purpose. So does commitment to a mission. A friend once gave me a poster: “Hold fast to dreams; for, when dreams die, life becomes a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” Do you have great dreams? What dreams are you following? What makes you come alive? What difference do you want to make? By the time you die, what good will you have done? One simple way to check your dreams and sense of purpose is to ask yourself what upsets you or makes you angry. If you have no great dreams, nothing worthwhile to pursue, you will be upset by tiny problems. You will get into a bad mood because the food was not tasty, or because someone criticized you, or your bed was not comfortable. If, instead, you are pursuing worthwhile goals, these minor irritations will strike you for what they are—mere pinpricks. You can handle these and much more. You can find purpose in looking after a family, or in being committed to a cause (e.g., education of poor girls), or pursuing a religious ideal (e.g., bring God’s love, especially to the sick and the suffering), or in accepting suffering for an ideal you believe in (e.g., to die for one’s country, or to bear hunger to feed one’s children, or to make sacrifices for the people we work for). A research published in in March 2015 showed that those with a high sense of purpose have lower rates of heart disease and early death. What you live for defines you more truly than what you have, or what others think of you. If you are gripped by something worthwhile you really believe in, and sacrifice yourself readily to achieve that goal, you will be among the happiest of human beings. For it is purpose, not pleasure, that supplies us happiness in a steady dose.

4. Gratitude

Want to be Happy? Be Grateful

We were about to start our supper, when Katherine, the mother of the family, turned to one of her sons and said, “Tommy, you start today.” Tommy told us: “I am happy because I met one of my good friends today.” Then, each of them shared with the rest of the family something good they had experienced that day. This is what they do every evening, as they sit down for supper. Katherine taught the family this wise and beautiful practice—to end the day on a note of gratitude. The easiest and most accessible road to happiness is gratitude. Right now, as you are reading this page, you can be grateful for eye sight and health, for life and family, for friends and freedom, for so many other blessings you normally take for granted, or you can ruin your mood by recalling something unpleasant, or be settling scores in your head. Another happy family I know learned from their mother to count their blessings. She herself is an example of this. Once, when she had gone to the shrine of Our Lady in Vailanganni and come back, I asked her what she had prayed for. I thought she had gone there to pray for her seriously ill husband and their six children. The answer she gave me was a lesson in wisdom. “I had so many things to thank God for, that I did not have time to ask for anything,” she said. Suppose you miss a bus. What is your normal reaction? To feel irritated and grumble, or to think: “Thank God I have enough health. I can walk.” Or: “This is no major tragedy; there are always other options.” Every one of us gets a mixed bag. Life is not all pleasant for some and all hardship for others. Each person is handed a bag made up of easy, pleasant, hard, trying, enjoyable and painful experiences. The art of happiness is to consciously notice the good—e.g., health, family, loving people, safety, talents, freedom, opportunities—and to be grateful to God and to people, and to know that we have the resources for handling the hard part. The happiest people are not those having an easy life. They are persons who have learnt to count their blessings, and not waste precious energy focusing on the negative. An experiment on the link between gratitude and happiness is found on Youtube. Those who recalled the person they were grateful to, and phoned and told the person about this, showed a remarkable increase in happiness. An Austrian artist-psychologist called David SendahlRast became a monk. He writes and speaks on happiness. Every night, before going to sleep, he writes down something for which he has not yet thanked God. He has been doing it for years, and yet—this is striking and beautiful—he finds something new every day. Think of that: something new every night for which he has not yet thanked God. Aren’t we, in comparison, blind and unaware? Want to try what Brother David has tried? Try it tonight to begin with, and you will notice how incredibly blessed you are, and how much there really is to celebrate. Happiness will follow.

5. Forgiveness

If you want to be happy, learn to forgive!

When we forgive, we get rid of poison. We get rid of one of the major obstacles to our happiness—the tendency to keep grudges, nurse hatred and fill our hearts with bitterness and rancour. When we say things like, “But I have every reason to be angry!” or “If you knew what happened, you would know why I hate him so,” we may be “right” logically, but we are damaging ourselves. Hatred and bitterness burrow deep into our soul, and take away our peace and happiness. A priest friend of mine, whom I have always found to be serene and happy, shared his secret with me. At his golden jubilee celebration, he told us, with evident sincerity, that he had never been unhappy. Once, when he had been unfairly criticized and even calumniated, I told him I admired the serenity with which he faced the unjust attacks. His answer was deep and simple: “When someone speaks ill of me, I pray extra for that person.” Much unhappiness is rooted in our selective memories. (This is true of happiness as well.) If I come to the end of the day, and tend to dwell on the hurts I received, and forget the goodness that came my way, I cause my own misery. It is not the hurts that bear fruits of bitterness; it is, rather, my foolish habit of dwelling on negative experiences, forgetting all the good I have seen and received. The memories we tend to relive are the main cause of our high or low moods; they slowly turn us into positive or bitter individuals. No doubt the Buddha said, “our own unguarded thoughts can harm us more than our worst enemies.” Once I understand that God uses both pleasant and unpleasant settings to form me, that everyone around me need not treat me as I like, that, rather than wait for others to understand me, I need to see God’s plans for me, my whole way of looking at life is transformed. Life does not become easy overnight; people do not become angels. But, I find a new vision that transforms my inner world and makes it radiant. To quote the Buddha again, “Being angry is like carrying burning coals in your hand, and expecting others to get burnt.” Some psychologists use a half-humorous and wise expression: “Don’t give your enemies free accommodation in your head!” You and I would not invite the shadiest or most violent characters to live in our house, would we? Much less would we do this free of charge! And yet, when we entertain hatred, or refuse to let go of hurts, we are giving free board and lodging to precisely the experiences and memories that damage us most. Is this wise?

6. Simplicity

of Life Don’t confuse “needs” and “wants”

“What can we give a man who has everything?” asked Tim’s son. We all laughed. Tim was one of the happiest people in the parish, a person held in high esteem by most, who had come up the hard way. Tim kept his life very simple. Everyone who knew him was aware of that. With his usual happy expression, Tim responded: “It is not that I have everything. But I learnt early in life to distinguish between what I want and what I need. That has kept me happy.” His is one of the hardest stories I know, and one of the most inspiring. It was no joke losing your father when you were just seven and having to promise your dying dad that you would look after your mother, your paralyzed granny and your younger brother! Tim promised, and he kept his promise. Watch the short video of Mrs Sudha Murthy of Bangalore being interviewed. The interviewer is shocked to see that this woman, who could have all the luxuries she wants, leads an utterly simple life. She dislikes shopping, and wants nothing that she does not need—and she is very happy being this way. While travelling with one of the Brothers of the Taizé Community (an ecumenical group based in France), I was struck by his very simple life-style—dress, demeanour, food, travel. He then shared a personal conviction, “Whenever I get back to France from India, I get rid of some more things in my room. I am convinced that affluence leads to unhappiness.” Affluence leading to unhappiness? Aren’t our TV commercials telling us the exact opposite of that? And don’t many of us—lay people, priests, religious—end up swallowing the commercials? We add more and more unnecessary things to our life, often justifying the luxury with the excuse they were gifts. Slowly our witness goes down the drain; our peace of mind vanishes. When Jesus spoke the Beatitudes, he was really talking to the poor. “Happy are you, poor!” must have sounded like absolute nonsense to many. A priest working in an urban U. S. parish told me, “The highest rate of suicides in our town is in the most affluent areas.” I am not staying that material things are bad. No, we need them to a certain extent. We all need food, clothes, a home, medicines, books and means of travel. What I am saying that is that there is no end to the list of things we would like to have—the many “good” things that can clutter our life or even become on obsession. Have you realized that, to enjoy the beauty of a rose, that flower does not have to be in your garden? To enjoy music, you need not the one singing on the stage. One of the greatest blessings of my life has been to meet and know truly good people—genuine, happy, loving men and women who are a joy to be with, an inspiration worth emulating. I find, almost invariably, that they are wise women and man who are content with little, with no greed to have more, who enjoy giving more than grabbing, and who are rich enough deep within, so as not to need the trappings that money can buy. They do not seem to have an inner void which must be filled up with things. If you are worth much, you will not need things to prove that you are worth something.

7. Enjoy the Ordinary Pleasures of Life

And do it now!

Cartoon of a tombstone: “Here lies someone who was going to be happy tomorrow!” Don’t wait to be happy. Now is the time! What are the simple, ordinary pleasures you can enjoy right now? Here are examples. I got up in good health and am free of aches and pains. I can breathe and walk and eat normal meals. I can open my eyes and read what I am writing now. I can enjoy the fresh air and sun and taking a bath. It would be foolish to start appreciating all this after losing them! So, too, so much can be enjoyed by having people around me. Jokes and chat and meaningful conversations. Being able to travel and see people and places. Phones and computers and the Internet. As a senior woman told me when talking about being grateful, “Appreciate not only the water or the coffee on the table, but also your able to stretch your hand and hold the cup.” Suresh, a computer engineer, beams as he tells me: “The nicest part of the day is when I am falling asleep, holding my little son. I can feel his breath on my cheeks. Ah, this is the best of part of my day.” Nothing extraordinary in this—a man holding his child and falling asleep. Any of us can enjoy such ordinary pleasures. We can learn to be consciously enjoy the ordinary events and experiences of any typical day. We do not need to travel far, or see new places, or be famous, or wait for some unusual event to be deeply happy. And we can learn to enjoy this moment. Happiness (or unhappiness is something I construct and enjoy right now, not a golden rainbow that waits for me in some distant future or in some faraway place.

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The Best Advice about Marriage

So, rather than wait, want to be happy today? But, be honest! Do you take responsibility for your happiness? Or, are you waiting for others to do it for you? Just as there are patients who would rather be sick or sickly, rather than do what they need to do (diet, exercise, give up smoking, etc.), there are many who would rather be miserable, complain (and seek sympathy) than take the demanding steps that would make them happy. This is why I am asking you: Do you really want to be happy? Are you ready to take the steps for it? It will be easier to grumble and moan, blame others and drown in inertia, than take your life in hand and see what you NEED to do to be a happy, positive person. Let me quote Anne, a married woman: “The best sermon I have heard about marriage is what my husband told me on the day we got married. He said, ‘During the reception, the waiters came around with tasty items on a platter. All we had to do was to stretch our hand and pick up what we liked. If you and I want to be happy, let us remember that happiness won’t be served us on a plate. We will have to work for it.’ So true.” Anne’s words remind me of another oft-forgotten truth: Happiness has more to do with showing love to your family and close friends, and spending quality time with them, than with fame or with what strangers think of you. Happiness, therefore, is a by-product. Like our shadow, it cannot be chased and won directly. Nor will it land in our lap through our wishful thinking. We have to work for it, yes; but it is largely a by-product—of faith, of love, of gratitude; of the wisdom to sort out needs from wants; of the readiness to forgive rather than nurse hurts; of being committed to worthwhile goals; of the hard decision to do my part today rather than wait passively for a happy future. There are little, concrete steps I can take today that will help me fill this day with much happiness. In that sense, it depends more on my decisions than on luck (or fate). Anything worthwhile demands effort. Happiness is no exception.

Why wait for the moon?

All of us live in an imperfect world, surrounded by imperfect others, and we ourselves are far from perfect. The secret of happiness lies in finding joy in the midst of life’s ups and downs. There is no golden tomorrow where everything will be easier than now. The time to be happy is now; the place is here. I end with the lovely, wise words on a card I once received from a friend. The picture showed a man standing on the moon and looking at the earth. The words were: “Only on the moon will some people realize how happy they could have been on the earth.” Don’t wait until you get to the moon. Far better, far wiser, to learn to be happy right here, today! Learn to be happy on this our imperfect earth! You know the secret. The seven pillars need to be strong—loving relationships, closeness to God, commitment to something worthwhile, gratitude, forgiveness, simplicity of life and readiness to enjoy simple pleasures. Make sure the pillars are strong and in place. Happiness will follow. Are you happy right now? If yes, you will be such a lovely gift to those around you. If not, what are you waiting for?

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Instead of reviewing one book, why not present ten good books on happiness, I thought. Looking at lists found on the Net, I found hundreds of titles.

Please do not take anyone’s list as the Gospel truth. You may go ecstatic over a book, which does not impress me, or vice-versa. What you and I are looking for, may be different.

Having mentioned this caveat,   let me present a list of ten good books which many people have found useful and inspiring.

One more word of caution: Reading a book will not make you happy, just as reading a book on fitness will not make you physically fit. You need to DO what the book talks about. Happiness is not something a person or a book can bring us. People or books can tell us what they found helpful in their pursuit of happiness. Becoming happy is my choice and responsibility. Books and experts cannot give it to me.

Want to learn more? Here are ten books, in alphabetical order.

1. The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama is a simple and practical exposition of the Buddhist philosophy of peace and compassion as a foundation of “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” (Available also in Indian languages.)

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2. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman. Seligman is the “father” of what is known as Positive Psychology, which explores the positive aspects of life rather than focus on what goes wrong.

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3. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown. She calls herself a “researcher-storyteller” who has researched, written and spoken about vulnerability, shame and ways of leading happier

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4. Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, who teaches a very popular course on happiness at Harvard University, which thousands of students have attended. The author sees happiness as something we can learn to cultivate. One of the chief obstacles Ben-Shahar sees to happiness is perfectionism.

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 5. Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill by French scientist-turned-Buddhist-monk Matthieu Ricard. He has a degree in molecular genetics, and later turned his attention to Buddhism. Became a monk, and lives in Nepal. His book combines the wisdom of the Buddhist tradition with the findings of Western science.

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6. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom,   Jonathan Haidt unearths ten great theories of happiness from ancient times until today. Combines ancient and perennially valid spiritual teachings with the insights of contemporary science.

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7. The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin is based on her experiences which she wrote down in a blog. It is humorous, practical and also based on scientific data.

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8. Stumbling On Happiness by Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbertis rated by some as the best-researched yet easily accessible book on happiness. It explains some of the common misconceptions about happiness and ways in which we limit ourselves in our quest.

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9. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky. Her current research addresses three critical questions: 1) What makes people happy?; 2) Is happiness a good thing?; and 3) How and why can people learn to lead happier and more flourishing lives? Why Are Some People Happier Than Others?

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10 % Happier by Dan Harris. A straight-forward, humorous, intelligent book on what meditation did for his busy media man. He shares his struggles and the changes he has noticed in himself as the result of meditation. According to Harris, even a few minutes of meditation can make a difference.

(Apart from these books, it is worth watching the videos of the TED talks by Seligman, Ricard, Brown and Gilbert, which are among the highest-rated TED talks ever.)

 Deeper and more lasting guidelines for finding happiness and peace are found in the world’s great religious and spiritual traditions. The Beatitudes given by Jesus, for instance, are a blueprint for happiness very different from the ways of the world. The lives of the saints, who lived out these gospel teachings best, are vivid illustrations of happiness. People found deep joy in the midst of rejection, pain, illness and when facing death. There are far deeper truths about human life than what psychology can explore or teach. Thus, a person who has never read any book on happiness, nor heard of therapy or positive psychology, may be deeply happy because of a profound sense of God or a deeply committed life. Such lives are probably the best “books” on happiness. Meet them! Read them!

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 – Fr. Joe Mannath SDB is the National Secretary of CRI and the editor of this magazine

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You are reading this article now, because you took a decision to do it. You could be doing many other things right now. But you chose to read.

Decisions are something we cannot avoid. From the time we get up until we go to bed, we take many decisions. How do we learn to make GOOD decisions—decisions that increase our happiness and well-being, and do not do us or others harm?

Here are five tips that I have found useful.

1. Seek God’s guidance.

Jason, a married man with three grown-up children, was preparing for his eldest son’s wedding. He told me that every morning, before meeting friends or taking major decisions, he would go the church, kneel and talk to God. While being brilliant and well-educated, he was convinced  that “God has a thousand solutions where I see only one. God’s plans are much better than mine.”

This is wise.

God knows me better than I do, and God’s plans for me are much wiser than mine. He is close to me, and cares about my well-being far more than I do. So, before taking any important step, it is a very smart thing to seek God’s guidance.

How do we do it?

Simply by saying a prayer in our heart, calling on God by any of your favourite names for Him, “Help me to take the right decision, according to your plans for me. May my decisions do much good, and never harm anyone.”

Or, you can ask yourself: What would Jesus do in this situation?

Those who seek God’s will and guidance regularly, and try to live by it, develop a wisdom that comes from God. Their decisions tend to be enlightened.

2. Consult a wise person:

Do this especially if the issue is important, e.g., a vocation choice or deciding on higher studies, or seeking serious medical treatment. In such crucial matters, it would be foolish to go by our limited knowledge alone. None of us knows our strengths and weaknesses fully, nor the possibilities open to us.

When Patrick was a novice, he had thoughts of joining a contemplative order. He did not realize that he was idealizing contemplative life, and not looking at himself realistically. A senior priest, known for leading a good life, and guiding others, told him, “Patrick, from what I know of you, you are better suited to an active religious order.”

Patrick would later say that this guidance proved to be wise.

If the issue is minor (what to eat for breakfast, or which TV show to watch), we need not waste others’ time by consulting them, of course! But serious decisions affect our happiness and the well-being of others. Talking to a wise person clarifies matters, helps us to see options we had not thought of, and leads us to discover gifts we did not even know we had. A good parent or formator or counsellor gives us loving attention, and frees us from undue anxiety, and help us to take decisions with greater clarity and confidence.

3. Check how you would advise someone else:

If someone else were to come to me with this problem, how would I advise him/her? That may be the advice I need to give to myself.

4. Write down the pros and cons:

If you are confused about the choices before you, writing can clarify matters. Write down three things: OPTIONS, OUTCOMES, FEELINGS. That is: What are the options available to me? At times we say silly things like, “Oh, there are a hundred and one things to think of!” No, there aren’t. Write down your real options. They will probably come down to two or three. Next, write down the possible outcome for each option. An example would be: If I leave the convent, I will have to find a job and look after myself. Thirdly, how am I likely to feel in each option? Where do I think I feel happiest and most at peace? Where do I think I will be more troubled or restless? Our feelings are (often, not always) good indicators of what is good for us.

There are no perfect choices in life. We will not like everything about any option, but writing helps to clarify our possibilities.

5. Do not decide when moved by intense emotion:

When we are moved by intense anger, or deep sadness, or bitter jealousy or strong sexual attraction, our judgement is clouded. We tend to make stupid decisions that we later repent of. Thus, for instance, a jealous person may go around pulling down the person s/he is jealous of; the speaker is only cutting one’s own throat, winning the contempt of people. Or, if I am intensely angry, I will get into fights, abusive language and physical violence, and make enemies unnecessarily. Or, if I feel depressed, I may want to run away from my present setting, or get drunk or even think of suicide. Or if a boy is strongly attracted to a girl, he may imagine her to be more perfect than she really is, and decide to run away with her, without thinking of the consequences. Marriages based mostly on strong sexual attraction are on the rocks very soon.

When we are under the sway of strong (especially “negative”) emotions, that is the time to wait, say a silent prayer, and talk things over with someone we trust. It is probably the worst time for  taking decisions.

To conclude:

In minor matters, spontaneity is fine.

In major decisions: pray, reflect, consult, write down options.

Strong emotions (especially anger, jealousy, depression and lust) blind us and can misguide us. Pause, pray, confide in someone.

May you learn to make wise decisions—choices that lead to your happiness and integral well-being.

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– Dr Jeff T. Manning 

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While appreciating the many positive trends in recent years, we cannot deny the fact there is an erosion of credibility in the way religious life is lived in India. The absence of a vibrant spirituality can be sensed very often. Hard options remain often on paper. The vast majority are cocooned in comfort zones of security. This has resulted in a lot of cynicism and disillusionment, both within and outside religious life.

Here are some of  the main challenges religious in India need to address:

1. Challenges in Formation: The sudden decline in the number of entrants into Congregations affects the model of formation. There is also confusion about the theology of religious life, forms of prayer, types of ministry, life style, dress and spirituality. Finding a suitable model of formation is a big challenge.

2. Cultural Alienation: There can be no authentic Christian consecrated life without its being rooted in the Gospel and in the culture of the people. India is known for its wealth of spiritual experiences. It developed a style of consecrated life many centuries before Christianity. Yet, it is unfortunate that Christian consecrated life here has largely ignored the religious traditions of this country.

3. Piety vs Spirituality: I have no doubt that there is a lot of piety among us, but I am not sure whether there is enough spirituality. We are multiplying novenas, vocal prayers and the hours of adoration. But a spiritual person is one who sincerely tries to live by the values of the Gospel. We cannot claim to be truly spiritual if the fruits of the Spirit are not visible in one’s life (Gal.5:22-23).

4. Traditional ministries: Once upon a time we were the owners of schools and hospitals. We were seen as missionaries, and not just professionals. But today, in some congregations, the institutions have become money-making rackets. As the needs of the people are changing, our responses should also change. In a number of cases, excessive institutionalization seems to have sucked out the spirit and vitality of religious life. The Religious are seldom seen as prophets on the cutting edge.Around the world, there are millions of people working for justice. Are we in their number? Are we giving a lead in this area? Are we joining hands with them?

5. Commitment: People expect us to be more than efficient administrators or competent professionals. They want humble, happy and spiritual religious rather than just achievers, specialists or professionals. Our life, by and large, is no longer attractive to our young people. Today we see extremely committed and extremely generous lay people around us. Living in the world, we are asked to make a real difference in the lives of people we deal with. That is a real challenge for consecrated life.

6. Multi-culturality: A major challenge posed by multi-culturality within religious communities is the question of “unity in diversity” and appreciation and lived acceptance of its consequences.

In international religious congregations, the insight began to develop that there was not just one way of being a religious and that the charism of the founder/foundress could find different expressions among the various cultures of different peoples. A genuine intercultural community is usually characterized by three things, namely: the recognition of other cultures, respect for cultural difference and the promotion of a healthy interaction among cultures.

7. Multi-religious context: Dialogue is a key issue in Asia. The vast majority of the religious work with people of religions other than Christianity. Hence, the possibilities for inter-religious dialogue through “dialogue of life” and “dialogue of action” are immense.

8. Partnership in Mission with the Laity: Certainly, one of the characteristics of today’s Church is the emergence of an educated, highly motivated and active laity. Many lay persons are very committed, knowledgeable and generous. They are not there just to pay, pray and work. They should be consulted and included in the decision-making process. There are now “new lay movements” through which lay people take it upon themselves to evangelize culture and transform society. We need to foster forms of collaboration and partnership with the laity.

9. Technology and the Media seem to affect the life of religious congregations very seriously today. Religion is drowned under science, and relationships under technology. Gadgets are given to reduce our work load. Between completely rejecting and totally accepting their use, there lies a third way of discernment. Technology is a boon, because it has made the written word far more accessible and economical as it does away with middlemen and the use of paper, etc. Evidently, some sort of education in their use is a must.

10. The final challenge that imposes itself on us at the beginning of this century is a more authentic, a more credible, and a more “readable” witnessing.A presence that is holy and authentic is the key. Religious members are shocked by the personal scandals among those in high positions: money handling, connection to their family members, not being available to the needs of the members, not being accountable, justifying their life-style and values, taking undue advantage of their position and freedom. While such behavior is by no means true of the majority, the issue needs to be faced and addressed. We should find new ways of leading others like Jesus, the Good Shepherd. In a word, witnessing is a key to our being religious in India today.

Questions for Reflection and Sharing:

1. Do you agree that these ten challenges are real?
2. According to you, are the weaknesses pointed out found: (a) in almost all religious orders; (b) in many; (c) in some; (d) in a few; (e) in very few cases?
3. Which of these ten challenges do you see as most pressing in your religious order today?
4. If you were to start addressing the most urgent challenge, where would you start? How would you start?
5. Do you know persons or congregations that have faced and solved some of these challenges in an inspiring way? Who? Which group? How did they tackle the challenge?
6. According to you, are senior members of religious orders inspiring for the younger ones: (a) most are; (b) some are; (c) a few are; (d) very few are.
7. How do most lay Catholics and others we deal with regularly (colleagues, employees, parents, pupils, patients, …) find us? (a) inspired by most of us; (b) inspired by some of us; (c) inspired by a few of us: (d) put off by some of us; (e) put off by many of us.
8. Does living and dealing with us help our colleagues, employees, pupils and others to deepen their closeness to God, and to become better human beings?(a) Yes, very much; (b) Yes, in some cases; (c) Yes, but rarely; (d) mostly no.
9. Are educated young Catholics whom you know attracted to religious life? Why or why not?
10. If a gifted young relative or friend were to seek vocational guidance from you, which state of life would you recommend to them? Why

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– Sr. Inigo SSA was Superior General of her congregation for two terms, and also secretary of the Women’s Section of National CRI. She represented the religious of South Asia at the Synod of Bishops on Religious Life, and is a sought-after resource person for Chapters and seminars. She spent years ministering to prisoner in Tihar Jail, Delhi.

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Recently, Ms Nancy Vaz, our manager, quoted from the book, The Path, by Lawrie Beth Jones. What stayed with me was this idea: Parenting and teaching are healing Ministries, compelling me to share the following reflection since I tick both boxes.

Parenting: A Daily Learning Experience

“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do” (Matt Walsh).  A serious statement—coming from a comedian. Parenting is a daily learning experience. Trust me. We have been at it for the last twenty-seven years, which in early childhood included not just the usual tonsillitis and chicken pox, but suspected T.B. (later diagnosed as an adenoid problem) and throat cancer (later diagnosed as an unusual lower jaw problem). As the years flew by, the tremors intensified, as it involved handling third degree burns – courtesy jumping into the ‘Holi Pit’ of smouldering ashes, and an angioplasty done as late as last year on my 25-year-old. Besides these, there were school- and college-related problems, peer pressure issues, the first crush and the more serious break-up that called for our undivided attention.

What I have shared are a few intimate revelations that have left indelible marks on our relationship with our children. In the realm of God, I believe the small initiatives taken by parents, against all odds, to bring succour to their children, can turn out to be very significant. So, yes, being a parent has meant that I learnt about strengths I didn’t know I had and learnt to deal with fears I didn’t know existed. The paediatrician who nursed me along with my two boys through the early traumatic years (God Bless you, Dr. Rouen Mascarenhas, wherever you are!) had a plaque on one of the walls of his consulting room. It read ‘All life is a story, lived forward, understood backwards, but a story nonetheless.’ I didn’t think much of the saying then but the story of my life intertwined with those of my husband and children, continues to unravel, displaying a series of events, many good, a few others not so.

With parenting there are no real answers. Instinctively you do the right thing; you do the best you can ALWAYS. Everybody goes through the joys and difficulties involved in parenting, which can be compared to a road trip, undertaken with no map and no schedule in place. … Oh! What a fascinating journey it is! Why? Until you have counted little fingers and toes, held a little hand, kissed a little runny nose, tickled a little tummy, read to little ears, powdered a little derriere, wiped away little tears, you have not known LOVE.

“One of the most important things we adults can do for young children is to model the kind of person we would like them to be,” suggests Carol B. Hillman, who spent more than twenty years in the classroom and has been an educational consultant and an adjunct professor of early childhood education. Children close their ears to advice, but open their eyes to example. It is not only children who grow;  parents do, too. As much as we want to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. We can develop a future society of caring individuals if the young ones of today find in their parents to be spiritual individuals, persons who are ready to reach out with their time and resources to those in need, persons who show kindness to animals and who care for the environment.

Priceless Nuggets

Here are some priceless nuggets on parenting.

When they cry, kiss them. When they are afraid, hold them. When they speak, listen.  When they ask, answer.

Let them explore; dirt washes off.

Allow them to be goofy; silly is a good thing to be.

When you say, “Please” and “Thank you” to them, they will say it back to you.

Always do the right thing even when no one is looking; they will follow suit.

There are many crises in the world; scribbling on the walls is not one of them.

Reiterate that ‘Faith opens many doors”; they too will believe.

The Teacher as “Second Chance”

“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach,” opined W. E. B. DuBois, sociologist and author. The great psychologist Alfred Adler (1870-1937) stated over and over again that, the teacher was the “Second Chance” for every student. So powerful was the influence of the teacher that Adler believed that, s/he could overcome nearly all the mistakes in child rearing that the Parents had made. The critically important role of the classroom teacher in both primary and secondary schools is being strongly underlined by new neuroscientific research.

Recent research has uncovered a group of neurons located in the brain called ‘Mirror Neurons,’ which are activated when we do something such as: playing music, dancing, moving our limbs, etc. They are also activated when we watch someone else do the same! So, when a child in the classroom sees the smiling face of the teacher, the chid responds with feelings of comfort. The important role of these Mirror Neurons makes it possible for a teacher to correct attachments that are not secure, thus laying down new and positive attitudes that help the child to feel loved, cared for and nurtured, not just in the classroom, but in the wider world.

The demography of our classrooms has changed radically. It is an indisputable fact that today a multitude of children come to us from dysfunctional homes. It is this very situation that allows the teacher to become that “Second Chance,” and help those children and adolescents who enter the classroom as a collection of rough and jagged edges to become refined and smooth.

Edgar Lee Masters, an early twentieth century American lawyer, who was also a scholar of Greek and Latin, wrote poems which enunciated the notion of the teacher being the second chance. Through them he unites, across time and space, the teacher and the student whose broken life is healed by a teacher who never gave up on him, who continued to see the good in him despite the messy reality of his life. What a wonderful vision of the healing and life-saving role of a teacher! Masters, the millionaire lawyer and poet, knew in his heart what contemporary neuroscientists are now proving: ‘The teacher IS the second chance for every child.’

How Things Can Go Wrong

The potential for the teacher to become the second chance for every child is greatly reduced by three factors: (a) an education policy that harps on ‘inclusive education,’ while paying scant attention to training mainstream teachers to handle children with special needs; (b) an education department that does very little to provide continuing professional development; (c) social factors, like accommodating a large class size in small classrooms; limited teaching resources; pressurised curriculum; an exam-driven secondary educational system that lays emphasis on how many students achieve those unbelievable percentages, as opposed to how many students leave school equipped to live a life of dignity, self-respect, self-confidence and the ability to be a contributing member of society. Really it is a wonder our children continue to come to us to be nurtured, to be groomed, to be HEALED.

Parents and teachers reading this, please meditate on the basic fact that our highest worth is not to be determined by how much knowledge we instil, but on the impact of the healing role we play in the lives of children gifted to us by the Almighty, either in the home or in the classroom—or, better still, in both places.

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– Ninette D’Souza is a teacher of high school mathematics and science at Canossa High School, Mahim, Mumbai. 

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Malhari was born in Tasgaon, a village in Sangli district of Maharashtra, on 7^th February 1992, the youngest of six children. All his elder siblings were girls.  Baburao, his father, and Gokula, his mother, worked in others’ fields. Unable to feed so many mouths with their meager income, Malhari’s parents sent all his sisters to work in the fields. Education was a luxury they could not afford.

The whole family set their hopes on Malhari, their only son. They hoped he would one day become a good farmhand and look after the family. No one in his family had ever gone to school. By the time he was nine, he was doing three jobs – selling newspapers, working at a bakery and digging in the field.

If life had been a daily struggle for Malhari and his five sisters, it soon became a nightmare. Reason: Their father’s alcoholism. He would get drunk and beat up his wife and children—every single day.

The worst day in the week was Wednesday, the weekly market day. His father would bring all his ‘bottle-mates’ home and have a party! His mother had to cook food for the whole group. Once the party was over and the friends gone, the beating and abuse would begin!

One Wednesday, when he was fourteen, he saw his father beat his mother and sisters so badly that, unable to take it any longer, Malahari shouted at his father. Now, the father turned on him and thrashed him. That very night Malhari left home, with only the clothes he was wearing and a little money. He took a bus to Pune, a four-hour journey.

He slept on the railway platform. In the morning, he got into a train and reached Vijayawada the following day. Throughout the long journey, he neither ate nor slept. He was desperately hungry. He grabbed a loaf of bread from a stall and ran away. The fear of being caught made the little boy get into a train. He travelled ticketless to Chennai.

At the Chennai railway station, Malhari met a man called Sangappa, who offered him a job — taking care of ten buffaloes. In return, Malhari could stay in the house and would be given food. The family took advantage of this small boy, and treated him cruelly. Sangappa’s wife would insult and abuse him. He was given left-over, often stale, food. After a month, unable to bear the ordeal, Malhari left the place.

Once again, he got into a train and travelled—this time to the city of Bangalore. He roamed Bangalore City Station for a day. There, as he was walking on Platform Number 4, a stranger approached him. This was Brother Noel from BOSCO (a Don Bosco organization in Bangalore that is at the service of the young at risk, and has a desk and staff at several railway stations). Malhari had lost hope of finding any job and was reluctant to trust anyone. But Brother Noel managed to convince him to go with him. The next day he was brought to a shelter for homeless boys, called BOSCO MANE. From there, he was taken to another centre where he would receive not only shelter, but also education.

Never having gone to school, and talking only his mother tongue (Marathi), Malhari found the adjustment difficult. He didn’t know even the alphabet of the local language, Kannada.

Sheeba, a counsellor at the centre, spent time with Malhari, listening to him, and making suggestions for his education. Given his lack of schooling, the staff at the centre decided it would be better for him to learn a trade rather than attend normal school. Of the trades available for study, Malhari chose welding. After eighteen months of training, he was sent for work experience. He landed a job soon after.

What about his family? Malhari had bitter memories to overcome, and little desire to get in touch with his parents. But, with the help of Ms Silvi, a staff member at the centre, he decided to contact his family. He wrote to his parents. How would they react?

His father wrote back after a few days. He phoned BOSCO. In another week, he and his wife came to Bangalore to see their long-lost son. It was a heart-warming sight to see the parents hugging Malwari, and holding him close. The next day, he went home with his parents.

 Returning to his village after years, Malhari noticed the improvements in the lives of most of the families, but not in his own family. His father was still an addict, and this kept his family in dire straits. Malhari’s sisters were no longer there; they were married now and lived with their husbands.

But how to change the sad situation at home? He called up his counsellor, Ms Silvi, and explained the whole situation to her. She suggested ways of tackling this problem. Malwari decided, with her help, to help his father get over his addiction.

He met a doctor who treated alcoholics. From him, Malwari got a medicine that helps addicts. It was to be given with tea. So, the son would personally serve his father tea with the medicine, and his father would take it. With this treatment, the father’s alcoholism has greatly reduced. This change at home has made Malhari much more positive about life.

With the new-found zest for life following his father’s improvement, Malhari took a loan and bought a house in his village. He says he does not mind working sixteen hours a day—to repay the loan on the house and to look after his parents. He holds three jobs. It is tiring, of course, but there is joy in his heart to be able to do things that he once thought impossible. There is real satisfaction in being able to care for his aging parents. He wants to lead a good life and be a responsible adult.

From whom does he get the support he needs to keep going, especially in moments of discouragement? From the staff of BOSCO centre, which had welcomed him as a homeless boy and been a real home for him. At least once a week he calls up his former counsellor, whom he calls “Silvi Aunty.” Her listening and her guidance mean the world to him. When they met, he was a penniless boy with no place to call home and no one to lean on. What transformed him was the love he received at his new home in Bangalore. About Ms Silvi, for instance, Malhari says, “From Silvi Aunty I knew what love and care meant. She loved me. She listened to me. She taught me how to behave. She has helped me to turn my trials into trails.”

At Christmas we celebrate the birth of Someone who—while being greater than the universe—had no place to call home. A cattle shed is where his mother gave birth.

There are many Malharis looking for a home and for caring hearts. Many of them—both boys and girls—are tricked into semi-slavery in back-breaking jobs or sexually and physically abused.  A few lucky ones—like Malhari—are saved in time through the goodness of caring persons. The next time you see children doing adult jobs at railway stations, brick kilns or cycle shops, see if there is something you can do to give them a future and a hope. Many are runaways from poor and unhappy homes. Some are chased away or sold by their relatives. With your help, they can move from a life of trials, and walk on trails of hope. You can bring Christmas into their lives.

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(Adapted by Fr. K. J. Louis SDB from the Youth at Risk Directory, Bangalore, 2012)

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What made this young Goan woman who had “everything”—wealth, freedom, doting parents, a college degree, tempting marriage proposals—give it all up (upsetting her parents a great deal), and find happiness working among scavengers and other dispossessed? Read the story of Sister Theresa Viegas PBVM, in her own words.

I was the pet of my small family, known for obedience and simplicity. Being the daughter of a flourishing businessman of the time, I did have a taste of a luxurious upbringing. A second daughter with no son in the family, I was expected to take up  the son’s role.  During my high school days.  I spent half of my evenings climbing trees and racing with boys. I was a live wire that would hardly settle down.  Though I studied in a convent school, I was not impressed by the nuns.

Things began to churn within when I was asked by my mother: Would I have the courage of St. Rita who walked over her two sons to embrace religious life when she heard God calling her?  The spirit of the young girl took a U-turn and I began to feel the emptiness deep within. Hundreds of questions about the future haunted  and made me to run away from all that would be mine. I began to feel an aversion towards material goods and developed a great empathy towards the poor.

I was too frightened to open up to any of my family members, as I knew I would be mocked at for this choice. There is no history of anyone becoming a religious from the families of both my parents. On completing the higher secondary, I expressed my desire to embrace religious life, only to see the fury of my father, who always felt that I would be the one to perpetuate the name of the family. Since he was highly diabetic and a heart patient, everyone said that my leaving the house would take him to the grave. My mother pleaded with me to complete my graduation; if my vocation was strong, she said, she would help me to fulfill my dream. Trusting her promise, I began my college studies.

Freedom, fun and a tough choice: I drove a car to the college and enjoyed excessive freedom. Speeding with the bike and playing to the tune of electrical guitars meant the thrill of those years. I was to be sent for a world tour only to entice me to the world, but the inner emptiness and the fathomless calling grew stronger, louder and clearer.  My heart never found a bonding with my college friends. At times, all disturbed, I bunked classes and spent hours in a Carmelite monastery. Now, as I understand, those were my best prayer moments. I loitered on the streets of the city alone, trying to find the purpose and meaning for my life, but there was only one answer.

On completing my graduation I began getting marriage proposals. At times I escaped saying, “Sorry I have someone in mind.” I wondered if they were interested in the girl or in her wealth. The worst betrayal was when my mother endorsed one proposal as the best choice; my father had made that decision. I felt totally shattered, knowing that the wedding date was fixed without my knowledge.

The PBVM Sisters played a major role in storming heaven for me. I was advised by a priest counselor either to run away from home or to negate at the altar. I felt both options too crude and unacceptable.  I applied for all job vacancies and said that, if I get a job, that would be the perfect sign for my future path.

When I realized that there were three more girls joining, I expressed my burning desire to leave home along with them. At this, all hell broke loose in the family. My father took to drinking. My mother had a heart attack. This time, however, nothing could hold me back. I had to turn my little heart into a rock.  A few family members consoled my mother saying that I would definitely return home in a month’s time; for the convent walls were not meant for a girl who was often seen racing with boys.

The day I left home, my father had to be kept on sedation and he never saw me off.With a strong hope of having me back, he never shaved till I made my final commitment. He shut down his business, since he felt cheated and lost. Five days after leaving home, I had a call for a permanent bank job. Wow! This proved to me how well God knows to play His trump cards.

Thirty years have passed by and I recall that auspicious day in my adolescence when I left my loved ones and all the glamorous future that could be mine, in exchange for a burning desire to be a missionary, where I would be wedded to poverty. I had no clue what chastity and obedience meant.  Leaving all that was good and familiar behind, has been a death experience. I always experienced a sense of hostility from my earthly father, and felt like a misfit in the family, and I do not know if he was ever reconciled to the fact that his daughter is a religious.

Privileged to serve the poorest: I have been privileged to spend most of my life in challenging areas of North India, among the very poor—twelve years among scavengers and eight years with rag-pickers. Material poverty has always attracted me to cling to Christ. To be in solidarity with those made poor, listening to people and living with those who have only tears for their bread  has taught me what it means to be rich in Christ. The words of St. Paul(Phil. 3: 8-14), “I count everything as rubbish because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ” keep echoing in my being. Training the ego to allow the One for whose sake I have lost everything to blossom in me has brought in a tremendous joy over the years.

‘Letting go and letting God’ has been a tough task. Self-denial and yet being cheerful has shown me what heaven on earth can be. God has shown his care for me through many simple people.

Some years ago, a handicapped man was struggling to cross a busy street, and he was being abused for holding up the traffic. I helped him to get his tricycle across the drainage.  He turned back with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his wrinkled face and whispered, “You definitely must be a Christian, for only Christ feels for the other.” I felt a deep sense of fulfillment to be recognized as Christ in a totally non-Christian place. Another time, the owner of a supermarket told me, “Each time you come to my store, I find a unique blessing and peace within.”Shanthi, a slum dweller, told the supervisor of a funding agency, “We have not seen what God Is… yet seeing sister’s concern for us, I have come to understand who God must be.” Recently a Sardarji told me, “My wife blushes and feels rejuvenated when she hears you.”  If I have been a source of joy for at least a few, then my life is not spent in vain.

As I go back memory lane, I thank God for all the experiences I have had. There has never been a dull moment in my life.  I always feel energized to reach out to anyone in need. There is always more to give.

Religious life has freed me from the slavery of possessions. I have achieved the spirituality of “enoughness.” Accepting each person and every situation with joy and cheerfulness, knowing that everything in life is passing, yet trusting God and giving my best self in whatever was asked of me for the past twenty-seven years has been the secret of my happy religious life. I always felt I must be worthy of my parents’ sacrifice. I have experienced ecstasy and agony, thorns and thistles, friendships and lonesomeness. With Christ as the centre, no storm has been too great. If there were another chance to live, I would again opt for a life of loving service for Christ and for His humanity.

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Sr. Theresa Viegas PBVM

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The Jubilee has ended and the Holy Door is closed. But the door of mercy of our heart must continue to remain wide open, says Pope Francis in Misericordia et Misera, his Apostolic Letter marking the conclusion of the Holy Year of Mercy. He calls on believers to replace the prevalent culture of indifference with a “culture of mercy”. It is a clear and prophetic roadmap for the future — for individuals, communities, societies and the human family itself. New initiatives are proposed to open up our hearts to the all loving God and, in turn to each other – to build our lives on mercy.

The title of the Letter “Misericordia et Misera” (Latin for ‘Mercy and Misery”) is from St. Augustine’s commentary on the meeting of Jesus with the woman caught in adultery in the Gospel of St. John (Jn 8:1-11). In the eyes of the law,she is to be stoned to death. Her accusers are ready with stones in their hands…. Jesus intervenes, “Let him who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her”… One by one, the stones fall from their hands and they slip away quietly. Jesus is left alone with the woman — Jesus and the woman – a poignant image of Mercy and Misery. Jesus asks her: “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.” Jesus helps the woman to look to the future with hope and to make a new start in life. This scene, says Pope Francis, could easily serve as “an icon of what we have celebrated during the Holy Year, a time rich in mercy, which must continue to be celebrated and lived out in our communities… Everything is revealed in mercy; everything is resolved in the merciful love of the Father.”

 Called to celebrate mercy

Forgiveness is the most visible sign of the Father’s love, which Jesus came to reveal by his life.  Pope Francis says, “We are called to celebrate mercy”. We celebrate God’s mercy in the Word of God, in the liturgy, in the Sacraments and “in a very particular way in the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation” (8). Pope Francis wants priests to prepare carefully for the ministry of confession, where God shows us the way to turn back to him and invites us to experience his closeness anew (8). Pope Francis lists the qualities a priest should have in hearing confessions: “I ask you to be welcoming to all, witnesses of fatherly love, whatever the gravity of the sin involved, attentive in helping penitents to reflect on the evil they have done, clear in presenting moral principles, willing to walk patiently beside the faithful on their penitential journey, far-sighted in discerning individual cases and generous in dispensing God’s forgiveness” (10). “The Sacrament of Reconciliation,” Pope Francis affirms, “must regain its central place in the Christian life” (11).

 The Family, a privileged place for mercy

The family is the first school of mercy, because it is there that we have been loved and learned to love, have been forgiven and learned to forgive,” said Pope Francis in The Name of God Is Mercy. Here he reminds us that the grace of the sacrament of marriage strengthens the family to be a privileged place for practising mercy” (14). The experience of mercy enables us to view all human problems from the standpoint of God’s love, which never tires of welcoming and accompanying. Our life, says Pope Francis, with its joys, sorrows, and struggles is something unique and complex, where many find themselves in difficult situations. This demands, especially of priests, “a careful, profound and far-sighted spiritual discernment, so that everyone, none excluded, can feel accepted by God, participate actively in the life of the community and be part of that People of God which journeys towards the fullness of his kingdom of justice, love, forgiveness and mercy” (14).

 Social Character of Mercy

Pope Francis tells us that “now is the time to unleash the creativity of mercy,” to launch new initiatives which are the fruits of grace. He wants new ways of practising “the corporal and spiritual works of mercy to respond to the new situations. Many concrete signs of mercy have been performed during this Holy Year. Communities, families and individuals have rediscovered the joy of sharing and the beauty of solidarity. But this is not enough. Our world continues to create new forms of spiritual and material poverty that assault human dignity. For this reason, the Church must always be vigilant and ready to identify new works of mercy and to practise them with generosity and enthusiasm. We are called “to give new expressions to the traditional works of mercy.”

The social character of mercy demands that we banish our indifference and hypocrisy, and contribute actively and selflessly to making justice and a dignified life a reality in our world. Mercy should impel us to “roll up our sleeves and set about restoring dignity to millions of people; they are our brothers and sisters who, with us, are called to build a civilization of love.” Pope Francis says, being unemployed or not receiving a sufficient salary, not being able to have a home or a land in which to live, experiencing discrimination on account of one’s faith, race or social status – these are all examples of situations that attack the dignity of the person. “In the face of such attacks, Christian mercy responds above all with vigilance and solidarity”.

 Towards a Culture of Mercy

The Holy Door that we have crossed in this Jubilee Year has set us on the road of mercy on which we meet so many of our brothers and sisters who reach out for someone to take their hand and become a companion on the way. By its very nature, mercy becomes visible and tangible in specific acts. Once mercy has been truly experienced, it is impossible to turn back. “It grows constantly and it changes our lives. It brings about a new heart, capable of loving to the full, and it purifies our eyes to perceive hidden needs.”

Like St. John Paul II who called for “a culture of life,” Pope Francis calls us to promote in our society “a culture of mercy, a culture in which no one looks at another with indifference or turns away from the suffering of our brothers and sisters” (20). The culture of mercy urges us not to overlook situations that call for our involvement. Thus we can set in motion a real cultural revolution, says the Pope, beginning with simple gestures that touch people’s very lives. This is a commitment that the Christian community should take up.

Pope Francis concludes his Letter with a concrete suggestion: “The entire Church might celebrate, on the Thirty-Third Sunday of Ordinary Time, as the World Day of the Poor” (21). This is the Sunday before the feast of Christ the King. This would be the worthiest way to prepare for the celebration of the Solemnity of our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe, who identified with the little ones and the poor and who will judge us on our works of mercy (cf. Mt 25:31-46). It would be a day to help communities and each of the baptized to reflect on how poverty is at the very heart of the Gospel and that, as long as Lazarus lies at the door of our homes (cf. Lk 16:19-21), there can be no justice or social peace.

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– Fr. K. J. Louis SDB is a well-known writer, editorial and preacher

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