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Mary and Peter have been married for five years. Fights more than closeness mark their life. s. Mutual love has given way to mutual blaming. What will help them better—marriage counselling or a good retreat?

Imelda is a twenty-year-old novice. She carries a shameful secret that makes her tense, angry and afraid of men. She was sexually abused by her uncle at the age of thirteen. What does she need for healing—counselling, spiritual direction, a good confession or psychiatric help?

Ever since he lost his wife and children and house in the tsunami, Alphonse has no interest in anything—meals, work, talking, or even in living. How can we help him best?

Any of us can go through such situations. No one knows for sure which approach will give us the best results. How do we know what each approach can do?

Here are the four basic ways of helping people with personal or interpersonal problems.

1. COUNSELLING

Counselling takes place when a person under distress meets someone he/she trusts and shares the problem, and finds relief and renewed strength. I have seen great changes in people (including myself) as a result of counselling. I remember a priest in his thirties who always looked depressed become a joyful and vibrant person after just one good therapy session.

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Fr Joe Mannath SDB

There is more joy in giving and serving.

For me, being a religious means meeting God in giving and serving. How and what do I give? How do I serve? These are the serious questions I ask myself very often.

I was fascinated by religious life, especially by the fact that there’s so much possibility to give and serve. Here I dedicate myself totally for others in a specific way of life led by a particular charism. There’s no personal agenda; my time, my talents, my energy and my life are dedicated for a passion that I have.

I have been inspired by many religious whom I have met while I was in school. The glow on their faces, the sacrifices they made to tour our villages and the joy with which they instructed people—all these were attracting forces for me, and an inspiration. I was particularly touched to see them distributing Holy Communion during Mass. I can still feel the same burning desire that I had then: to be able, just like them, to give the consecrated Body and Blood of Jesus to others.

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Sr Vanisha Sympli FMA

A large scale influx of illegal migrants from Bangladesh to Assam after Independence made the student leaders in 1979 to come out in fierce protest demanding detention, disenfranchisement and deportation of illegal immigrants from Assam.  The “Assam movement” initiated by All Assam Students’ Union (AASU) and All Assam Gana Sangram Parishad (AAGSP) lasted over six years.

ILLEGAL MIGRANTS (DETERMINATION BY TRIBUNAL) ACT 1983 (IMDT)
Meantime, the Illegal Migrants (Determination by Tribunal) Act 1983 (IMDT) was enacted by the Parliament, which described the procedures to detect illegal immigrants from Bangladesh and expel them from Assam.  At the same time, the Act provided special protections against so-called undue harassment to the persons affected by the Assam Agitation.  It was made applicable only to the state of Assam, while in rest of India the detection of foreigners is done under The Foreigners Act, 1946.

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Fr Ravi Sagar SJ

In 2000, as I began my studies at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago, I was informed that one of the requirements of participating in the Masters program was to begin meeting with a spiritual director. Without any clear understanding of what this might entail or what was required of me, I obtained the name of a woman who had just recently completed her certificate as a Spiritual Director. At our first meeting, she explained that she was not there so much to ‘direct’ me as to ‘accompany’ me on my faith journey.  With very few guidelines and parameters, we started to meet on a monthly basis until I became increasingly frustrated with what I perceived as a lack of direction on her part, and certainly confusion on mine as to what sort of conversations we were supposed to be having. After a few months, she and her husband moved out of town and I needed to find another person to accompany me on my faith journey.

My next spiritual director was a former nun who was a very kind and loving woman. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that she had some major issues with the Catholic Church, specifically with the male-dominated hierarchy. The advice she gave me often centered on the need for change in the spiritual practices of the church and the role that I, as a woman, would need to make to move the Church forward. This left me with feelings of confusion rather than encouragement.  Ultimately, due to her physical illness, I needed to find another person to fill the role of spiritual director.  Some months later, I started meeting with my pastor, whose approach seemed very judgmental and harsh. Much later, I realized that the wisdom that he had regarding my spiritual life was sound, but the manner in which he presented that wisdom was so off-putting that I dreaded continuing.

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Crystal and Kevin Sullivan

I was just turning thirty-five when I became quite disillusioned with my priesthood and religious life. I had returned to my province after my studies in spirituality in England. With new people in authority who did not know me well and with two sudden unexpected transfers, and not being given an assignment where I could use my newly gained knowledge and expertise, I felt rejected and hurt.

After a while sexual urges became intense. Fantasies of marrying, enjoying sexual intimacy and raising children began to crowd my mind. There was inner pain, confusion, emptiness and loneliness. I began to doubt my vocation. May be, I was not meant to be a religious or priest.

After a few months of struggling on my own, I told everything to my spiritual director, who offered guidance and support. I began to make sense of and be at peace with all that I was experiencing. I was able to recommit to my religious and priestly life and find it again very meaningful and satisfying. I have accomplished a number of worthwhile things in the years that followed.

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Fr Jose Parappully SDB

The article on “Statutory Compliances …” in the previous issue was limited to the matters concerning income tax. This second article, instead, was meant to deal with the statutory compliances seen from other angles.  However, the Finance Bill of July 2019 has introduced two more requirements that registered societies must comply with. This article will first deal with those two new regulations and then consider the statutory compliances from other points of view.

Compliance with All Laws:

When the Finance Bill of July 2019 is passed, there will be a great change in the way income tax exemption u/s 12AA will be looked at by Income Tax Department.   Every registered Society exempt from income tax has to comply with all “laws that are material for the purpose of achieving its objects.”

What would this change mean for us?

The Income Tax Department will now check if the registered Societies comply with all laws. How will it do that? There is a lot of ambiguity about it.  However, this means that we have to make sure that we comply with all laws of the land, whether they are to do with taxes, filing the returns and reports on time to the concerned authorities, follow all procedures and maintain all the required  records, have permissions as per law.  This seems to be the most dangerous of all provisions related to registered societies.  Any lapse in any of the laws may result in the loss of 12AA.  Perhaps it may include the statutory requirements of the article in the previous issue as well as the following statutory requirements.

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Fr Alex Gnanapragasam SJ

Annoying Notifications

A few years back, my cousin initiated a WhatsApp Group for all the family members who use WhatsApp.  It helped us to be up-to-date on all the happenings in the family circle, instantly.  One fine day, during a busy schedule of work in the office; I was annoyed with the WhatsApp message notification sound – for about 100 times, of which only one message was an information or reminder to me.  It all started when one of our brothers celebrated his birthday.  In the morning my sister had posted a birthday wish to him in the WhatsApp Group.  He thanked her in the group.  Now you can just imagine that almost all in the group wished him individually and he thanked each of us individually – all in the same WhatsApp Group.

How to use WhatsApp effectively, especially WhatsApp Group:

Group Message Settings (Preferable)

• Be part of the Group(s), you wish to; or else EXIT the group. Even if someone is adding you again and again, please exit repeatedly until you are not added in the group.
• Keep the Group contact (or even the individual contact) in MUTE, so that the notification will not disturb; and may check the messages when you have time.

GROUP ETHICS

DO’s

• Send messages for all in the Group; and not for an individual or to only some in the Group.
• To wish, thank or acknowledge anyone, please use their personal WhatsApp contact.
• The FIRST wish on a birthday or anniversary or any special occasion is permitted in the group, as it is also an information or reminder to the others.
• Keep to the purpose of the group. Send only relevant messages.
• Keep in mind that your words can be interpreted in multiple ways, so use short sentences that can’t be misinterpreted.
• Circulate only authentic and true messages. Ask yourself these four questions before posting: (1) Is it true? (2) Is it relevant?  (3) Is it necessary?  (4) Is this a good time to post?
• If someone asks a question and you don’t know the answer, solution, or suggestion; just wait for someone who knows the answer to reply; and don’t respond with “I don’t know.”
• Check the date of the news that you want to forward in the Group; and ensure it is not very old.
• It is better to be a silent spectator in the Group, than being a nuisance by responding to every message of the Group, in the Group.
• Politely excuse yourself before you leave a group.
• If you are the Group Administrator: offenders in the group should be warned personally; and repeated offenders can be removed permanently.

DON’Ts

• Do not share irrelevant messages about other topics in a particular group.
• Do not send one-on-one (personal) conversation in WhatsApp Group. Switch to private message by tapping the name / number above the message of the person with whom you want to reply.
• Good Morning / Good Night messages are irrelevant.
• Do not post negative messages on religion, community, region, political party because it may indirectly hurt others.
• Do not shame fellow member in the group.
• Do not forward advertisement messages or offer messages in the group, as most of them are fake and will collect all the contacts in the group.
• Avoid sending prayer-chain or surprise over recitation of prayer(s) in the group, as the purpose of the same is like the previous point.
• Don’t be offended if others leave the group. Not everyone wants the same information.

 Now our family-WhatsApp Group has 105 participants; and all of us follow the group ethics, thus making our group more informative and bonding our relationship.

Design and Concept: Rocky & Rakesh

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A brief, clear explanation of the five hurdles that make novitiate (and religious profession) invalid.

“Helena had made her first profession in a particular institute.  After four months she strongly felt that it was not the mission she had been called for.  With the permission of her superiors, she went back home and completed her college studies.  After completing post-graduation studies, she applied to our vocation promoter and was admitted in our congregation.  She went through the pre-novitiate and novitiate programme and excelled in everything she did.  A week before her first profession our provincial came to know about her incorporation in another congregation and asked her to leave only on the ground that she had not revealed this incorporation.  Was that a right decision? Helena would have been an asset to the province!”

The Codes of Canon Law proposes certain impediments or invalidating factors for the admission into novitiate.  The presence of an impediment makes the novitiate invalid.  An invalid novitiate makes the subsequent profession of vows—first profession, renewal of vows and the perpetual profession—in the congregation invalid.  Concealing one’s incorporation in an institute of consecrated life is one of the impediments.  CIC c. 643 §1 and CCEO cc. 450, 4º-7º, 517 §1, 559 §1 specify five invalidating impediments.  Let us look into them one by one.

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Sr Licia SMI

The only language she could communicate in was Tamil. When I met her—I had just reached India—I could neither understand nor speak any Indian language.

After I started moving around India, I lost touch with her and, sadly, forgot her name. In this article, I shall refer to her as Anbu Aasiriyai (loving teacher).

I had started learning Tamil with a small book, Learn Tamil in 30 Days, but had soon realized that I wouldn’t make it even in thirty months! I seriously needed extra help. Though I could more or less read and write, it still was a series of sounds/words that were meaningless to me. I was then introduced to Anbu Aasiriyai through someone who knew someone.  Though, looking back, it sounds bit crazy, since we could hardly communicate, we both embarked on this language adventure. That was some twenty-six years ago.

She had remained unmarried and lived with her widowed brother and his adopted son. She had been teaching Tamil in a Christian High School for many years.

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Sr Marie Gabrielle SCSM

If we had to face even one third of the trials this man has encountered, we would have become basket cases by now. But this man, with a permanent half-smile on his face, goes around the world, advocating compassion, forgiveness and peace.

Dalai Lama is not really his name. It is the name of the position he holds. He is actually the 14^th Dalai Lama. After the 13^th Dalai Lama died, Tibetan Buddhist leaders searched for his successor for several months.  Their search led them finally to a two-year old boy called Lhamo Thondup in Taktser, China. He had been born in a peasant family two years earlier, on 6 July 1935. Identifying him as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama, they proclaimed he was the 14^th Dalai Lama.

Separated from his family, he had to begin his religious education at the age of six. He learnt logic, Tibetan art and culture, Sanskrit, medicine and Buddhist philosophy, monastic discipline, metaphysics, and epistemology. In 1950, at the age of fifteen, he assumed full political power as the Dalai Lama. In October of that year, China invaded Tibet and occupied it. In 1954, Dalai Lama went to Beijing for peace talks with Mao Zedong and other Chinese leaders. The talks did not stop the continued suppression of the Tibetan people by Chinese troops, and that led to a Tibetan uprising in 1959, which was brutally put down. Learning of the Chinese government’s plans to kill him, Dalai Lama fled with his closest advisers and several thousand followers to Dharamshala in Northern India, where he set up a government in exile.

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Fr M A Joe Antony SJ