Shocking Facts and Figures!
Our newspapers report almost horror stories related to sexual abuse almost every day. These reported cases are but the tip of the iceberg, because many more cases go unreported.
In clinical practice we encounter many who have been abused in childhood and carry the consequent trauma into adult life. Most of this abuse happens in the home by a family member or someone else known to the child.
- Shivani (survivors’ names in this article are changed, though all incidents reported are real) is a recently married young woman. She had been sexually abused almost every night by her brother from the age of nine until she reached puberty. She was scared to tell anyone and endured the onslaught in silence. Today she has such an aversion for sex that she tries every excuse to avoid intimacy with her husband.
- Julian was a boarder from the age of eight. The boarding director would come at night to his bed and fondle him—and threaten him with dire consequences if he told anyone. Julian’s academic performance deteriorated; he began to get into fights quite often. Finally, he was dismissed from school for indiscipline. He left broken and disillusioned, seething with anger and plagued by a sense of worthlessness. As an adult he went into depression; his marriage unraveled. It took him some thirty years before he sought counselling.
- Jessica was a nursing instructor. She would groom her brightest students toward a sexual relationship with her by initially granting them extra attention. She invited Ranjana, a young nursing student, to her room and initially encouraged mutual fondling. Ranjana enjoyed the attention from the Instructor as well as the sexual pleasure. After a while the instructor would present hardcore pornography on her laptop and encourage Ranjana to enact the same…. Today Ranjana is plagued by self-loathing, leading to thoughts of suicide.
These real life incidents point to the horrendous reality. These also show that it is not just men who abuse; women are abusers, too. It is not just girls and women who are victims; boys and men are also abused.
Research data indicate that prevalence rate of sexual abuse both of males and females in India is alarmingly high, higher than international prevalence rates.
Disturbing Facts
In her book Bitter Chocolate (published in 2000), Pinki Virani reported various studies showing a high prevalence of sexual abuse in India—close to 50 % for girls and 30 % for boys under the age of 16.
Sakshi, the Delhi-based organisation which spearheaded work on child sexual abuse in the early 1990’s, did a study of 357 school-going girl children. Of them, 63 percent admitted having been victims. Around half the abusers were from within their homes and close family circles.
RAHI, another Delhi-based NGO, did a survey specifically among non-lower-class women. Seventy-six percent of the 600 English-speaking middle-and-upper-class women who participated in the survey reported they had been sexually abused in childhood. Seventy-one percent were abused by relatives or family friends, 40% by a family member.
More recent studies show greater prevalence of abuse both among girls and boys in India than that reported by Virani. Some also report a higher prevalence rate of sexual abuse among boys than among girls.
The Study of Child Abuse India 2007 prepared by the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare of the Government of India reported:
“Out of the total [12447] child respondents, 53.22% reported having faced one or more forms of sexual abuse… Among them 52.94% were boys and 47.06% girls….. The significant finding was that contrary to the general perception, the overall percentage of boys was much higher than that of girls. In fact, 9 out of 13 States reported higher percentage of sexual abuse among boys as compared to girls, with states like Delhi reporting a figure of 65.64%.” (pp. 74-75)
A 2017 World Vision survey of more than 45,000 children in the 12-18 age group, across 26 states in India, revealed that one in every two children in India is a victim of child sexual abuse. It also showed one in four families do not come forward to report child abuse.
According to data released by The National Crime Records Bureau of the Ministry of Home Affairs in November 2017, there were 39,068 reported cases of sexual assault against girl children and women in India in 2016. Of these 16,863 (43.2%) were against girls under 17 years and 22,205 (56.8%) against women aged 18 and above. Of 19 cities with a population of more than 2 million, Delhi topped the list with 13,260 sexual assault cases against girls and women.
International studies, as reported by David Finkelhor, the leading researcher on sexual trauma in the world, have found abuse rates ranging from 7% to 36% for women and 3% to 29% for men. Most studies have found females to be abused at one-and-half times to 3 times the rate for males. The average is taken to be 30% for girls and 15% for boys. Compared to these rates, the prevalence of sexual abuse in India is much higher.
There is a great deal of secrecy around experiences of sexual abuse. In this context, the actual prevalence of sexual abuse in India could be much higher than what is reported.
Candidates to Religious Life and Priesthood
There is also anecdotal evidence that a large number of candidates now entering religious life or priesthood have been victims of sexual abuse before entering.
At recent meetings of the Conference of Catholic Psychologists concern was expressed about the prevalence of sexual abuse (prior to joining) among girls applying to join convents. A couple of speakers shared their belief—not based on systematic study, but on their impression—that more than 50% of new recruits seem to have been sexually abused before entering religious life.
Denial or Ignorance?
Recently a woman theologian was invited to make presentation on “Affective Maturity” to the students of a well-known Catholic theological seminary in India. As she began speaking about the prevalence of sexual abuse in India, one of the seminarians said with some annoyance: “Sister, this is not really our problem. So, why discuss it?” “You may be right,” the sister replied. “But it might be worthwhile to get others’ opinion too.” She then gave a piece of paper to each one present and told them to only write a “Yes” or a “No” answer to the question, “Have you ever experienced any form of sexual abuse?” After tabulating the results, she was amazed to find that about 45 per cent of them had written “Yes.” She later repeated the same exercise in another theological seminary. About 42 per cent of the seminarians there wrote “Yes.” (Please note: The question was whether they had ever been victims of sexual abuse. It does not imply that they were abused in the seminary.)
A ready conclusion that we can draw from these anecdotes as well as research data is that a large number, nearly one in two, of young men and women entering religious formation houses or seminaries today have been victims of sexual abuse before joining.
WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE?
Child Sexual Abuse (CSA)
There isn’t a generally accepted definition that clearly demarcates which behaviours are considered sexual abuse and which are not. These behaviours range from a single act of nude exposure to repetitive coerced intercourse. The degree of severity is not a criterion for a behaviour to be labelled abuse. Most definitions include an element of force or coercion and age difference (generally five years) between the victim and the perpetrator. However, abuse can also happen in contexts where force or coercion is lacking.
The World Health Organisation defines child sexual abuse as “the involvement of a child in sexual activity that he or she does not fully comprehend, is unable to give informed consent to, or for which the child is not developmentally prepared and cannot give consent, or that violates the laws or social taboos of society. Child sexual abuse is evidenced by this activity between a child and an adult or another child who by age or development is in a relationship of responsibility, trust or power, the activity being intended to gratify or satisfy the needs of the other person”
Sexual Abuse of Adults
A generally accepted definition of adult sexual abuse in research literature is the following: Any form of sexual exploitation and/or unwanted sexually-oriented contact with a person of the same or opposite sex, including hugging and kissing (with a sexual intent), genital display, genital fondling, and/or sexual intercourse (attempted and/or completed). Included here are any forms of sexual contact between two persons with unequal power status (e.g. Superior-subject, parish priest-parishioner, teacher-student, counsellor-client) even with mutual consent.
One thing to be noted in regard to adult sexual abuse is that, even when an adult man and woman engage in consensual sexual activity, if there is power differential between the two because of his or her status, position or role in society, free and full consent is deemed to be non-existent. Thus, if a principal of a school and a teacher engage in sexual intimacies through mutual consent the teacher’s consent would be seen as not free because of the power differential between the two.
The same can be said of a counsellor engaging in sexual intimacies with a client. The counsellor because of the superior power status he or she enjoys within the counselling relationship would be seen as abusing the client even if there was mutual consent.
Incest
When the sexual abuse is perpetrated by a close family member, it is termed incest. A large number of children are abused by their siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins. A smaller percentage is also abused by their parents. Brother-sister incest is the more frequent form.
International prevalence studies show that incest experience is consistently more common for girls than for boys. These studies also report that the offenders against girls were disproportionately men (about 90%). Incest is more common in what is known as re-constituted families, that is, families in which remarriage occurs after divorce or death of a spouse.
A 2008 Delhi Police Report showing figures for the year till October found that “of the total of 421 rape cases recorded in the city, a shocking 377 incidents took place in the safe confines of the home.” Of the 509 accused who were arrested, at least 497 were known to the victim.
Paedophilia
A particularly destructive form of child sex abuse is paedophilia. This is abuse perpetrated by adults whose preferred or exclusive method of achieving sexual excitement and gratification is through sexual fantasy or activity involving children (within the age range up to 11 or 12), as compared to the subject’s erotic inclination toward physically mature persons. Hence, not every form of child sexual abuse can be considered as paedophilia.
The common profile of the paedophile shows that he or she is an immature and sick person. The typical paedophile is shy, timid, passive-dependent, lacking self-esteem, impulse-control and social skills, and is insecure. Many of them harbour deep seated anger and resentment, but have difficulty in expressing them. Many have experienced emotional and sexual abuse in childhood.
One reason they select a child for sexual gratification is the emotional congruence between the two. They have childish emotional needs and feel more comfortable relating to children than adults.
Compared to the paedophile, the child molester (who abuses children while his or her preference for sexual interaction is with adults) is most commonly a respectable, professionally successful, otherwise law-abiding person, even considered to be a paragon of virtue and beyond any suspicion and who for exactly that reason may escape detection.
Rape
The most violent form of sexual abuse is rape. Rape is the forceful vaginal or anal penetration imposed upon an unwilling victim, male or female. A person forced to be the object of fellatio (oral stimulation of the male genital) or to perform cunnilingus (oral stimulation of the female genital) is also a victim of oral rape.
Even when violence is not used, coercing an unwilling person to engage in sexual intercourse is also rape.
Some forms of non-coercive sexual intercourse are known as Statutory Rape. These are situations in which a man has sex with a girl or a woman even by mutual consent, wherein the girl or woman is deemed incapable of giving free and full consent or whose capacity for free consent is impaired. Examples include a man having sex with an under-age girl or with mentally ill persons, and a woman having to consent to sex with a prospective employer who offers a job on condition of sexual submission.
Although most often girls and women are the victims of rape, boys and men are also raped. Rape of males remains one of the most under reported crimes, because of the stigma attached to it, the ostracisation of the victim that often follows it, the embarrassment involved, as well as fear that the law enforcement authorities will not believe it.
Rape is an awfully terrorising experience. The victim is not only terrified by the violation of their self but also by the prospect of physical injury and loss of life itself. The possibility of the rapist killing the victim after the violation is a real possibility. Such terror of injury and death often makes the victim give in and get it over quickly rather than resist. Unfortunately, such coping technique is interpreted as consent and used against the survivor in court cases.
AFTEREFFECTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE: BROKEN BODY AND CRUSHED SPIRIT
Sexual abuse affects a person in profoundly negative ways. Survivors are affected physically, psychologically and spiritually.
Physically, their energy level is often low. Sleep is disturbed. Night terrors, insomnia, and fears of sleeping alone or with lights off are typical symptoms.
Survivors experience psychosomatic reactions such as headaches, colds, allergies, rashes, abdominal pain, digestive problems and, in the case of women survivors, frequent gynecological disorders and itching or pain in the vaginal area for which often physicians cannot find any organic cause. Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are common among female survivors.
Damaged Self-Concept
The most pervasive and damaging effects of abuse are related to self-esteem and self-concept. Survivors are plagued by feelings of inferiority, inadequacy and insecurity. They feel there is something wrong deep inside them. At a deep level they feel that the abuse happened because they are bad persons.
Survivors have a particularly hard time loving their body and taking care of it. They often consider their body as dirty and defiled – “damaged goods.” Consequently, they neglect their body-hygiene, grooming, dressing, etc. One woman survivor, who fought back and avoided an attempted rape, felt so ashamed and dirty that for years she would use the roughest washing soaps available and even a hard brush to scrub herself during bath.
Sometimes adult survivors believe they were targeted because they had an attractive body and try hard to make themselves as unattractive as possible to ward of any future unwanted attention. One way they do is by putting on weight. One particular woman survivor put on 25 kilos following her abuse.
In other cases, to overcome the inner suffering and the shame, survivors resort to alcohol and drugs and may become addicted to these substances. Some seek to numb the pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves through self-mutilation, such as cutting and burning. One woman who had been severely abused by her brother as a girl would burn herself with a hot iron, particularly the genital and breast areas.
Emotional and Relational Problems
Survivors find it extremely difficult to relate in healthy ways to people. Their ability to trust people particularly is seriously undermined. Because of impaired trust, engaging in intimate relationships becomes especially difficult.
Emotional upheaval is frequent. Fear is a common consequence. Survivors become hyper-alert to threats and constantly scan the environment for possible danger. Their life becomes dominated by the effort to ward of danger.
Dealing with anger becomes particularly problematic. Sexual abuse can produce chronic irritability, unexpected or uncontrollable feelings of anger, and difficulties associated with the expression of anger. Because intense anger is largely an unacceptable emotion, its expression is often suppressed or misdirected. Angry feelings can become internalised as self-hatred and depression, occasionally providing a strong motive to engage in self-harm.
One of the hardest things for survivors is to confront their shame and guilt about the way they behaved during the traumatic incident. They often hold themselves responsible, even though it was something done against their will, something that was forced upon them. Many of them feel agonising shame about the actions they took to survive, including not offering enough resistance or keeping silence. The result is self-blame and self-hatred.
Distorted Sexuality
Survivors’ attitude toward sexuality gets distorted. They find it extremely difficult to have a positive attitude toward or acceptance of their sexuality. Sexual arousal gets linked to feelings of shame, disgust, pain and humiliation and they seek to avoid any sexual contact and may even be unwilling to marry for the same reason. Others become sexually promiscuous with the attitude “Anyway, I am ‘damaged goods.’ Let people use me whichever way they want!” Some victims say, “I am only fit to be a prostitute.”
Because they have been prematurely sexually stimulated, many experience hyperarousal (being very easily and frequently sexually aroused). This can lead to compulsive masturbation or to sexual promiscuity.
Helplessness, Hopelessness, Despair
Survivors can feel helpless and hopeless. One major destructive consequence of abuse is a loss of personal power and sense of control over their own lives. During the abuse they felt totally controlled by the perpetrator. The feeling that they have no control over themselves can continue into adulthood and manifests in feelings of being easily overwhelmed.
Survivors often lose meaning and purpose in life. They get tired of the distress caused by intrusive flashbacks (scenes of the abuse coming into consciousness unbidden), shame, guilt and anxiety and wish they were dead. Many consider suicide as an option and quite a few attempt it.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Some survivors go on to experience what has come to be known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) manifested especially as complex re-experiencing of the abuse in flashbacks, great difficulty in regulating their affect, and dissociation, that is, cognitive and emotional distancing from the original experience and a defensive disruption in the normally occurring connections among feelings, thoughts, behaviours, and memories, popularly termed “splitting off,” de-personalisation (sense of total loss of self, detachment from sense of self) and a combination of numbing (shutting down feelings) and hyper-alertness (being wary of people and surroundings and extreme alertness to the possibility of danger).
Re-Victimization
Survivors often face serious risk of being raped or victimised again. Reasons for re-victimisation, according to John Briere, an expert on sexual abuse trauma, include: (a) survivors’ low self-esteem may lead them to assume that abusive individuals are all that they deserve; (b) the learned helplessness and powerlessness arising from sexual abuse may lead to survivors becoming passive in the face of impending victimisation; (c) abusive men may learn to identify women who have been previously abused and thus are seen as easy prey; and (d) the frequently impaired self-functions of the severely abused survivor may result in a decreased ability to detect impending boundary violations or to reject the persuasiveness of the sexual victimiser.
A major reason of re-victimisation, according to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the leading experts on trauma, is the survivor’s inability to sense what is going on in their bodies which leads to a lack of self-protection. The normal mechanisms that warn people of danger is shut down in the survivor. Consequently, they often walk into danger rather than move away from it.
Damage to Spirituality
Especially in the case of religious women survivors, sexual abuse has a profound negative impact on their spirituality. Sexual victimisation affects survivors’ relationship with God, prayer and sacramental life in significantly negative ways. Women, both religious and lay, abused by a male, particularly by a father or father-figure, find it difficult to relate to God who is often represented as Father.
A question many survivors ask is: “How could God allow this to happen to me?” Another is: “Where was God?” Faith and trust are often replaced by anger toward God, who is thought to have permitted the victimisation. Their strong sense of guilt also leads them to doubt God’s forgiveness. “Will God forgive me?” is a question heard from many survivors.
The image of a punishing God instilled in childhood intensifies the feelings of guilt and fear of punishment and often leads to scrupulosity and rigid perfectionism. Survivors live a very cautious and controlled life so as to avoid any wrongdoing. They deny themselves many rightful pleasures and gratifications as a form of atonement. On the other hand, the feeling of “Everything is lost, so why bother!” may lead to an attitude of “Anything is okay!” and consequent promiscuity and re-victimisation.
When the perpetrator of abuse is an authority figure in a religious organization, the attitude of anger, resentment and inability to forgive the perpetrator gets generalised toward authority figures and institutions they represent. Survivors get disillusioned with religious institutions and authorities. They experience loss of trust in their religious superiors because often authority figures tend not to believe them or to blame them or refuse to take any action against the perpetrator. They often feel that authority figures are more interested in protecting the reputation of the institution or its officials than in the victims’ welfare.
One thing to be noted particularly as we discuss the effects of sexual abuse is that not every survivor goes through all the effects described. After all, people differ greatly in their inner strength, resilience and emotional resources. The consequences of abuse depend significantly on the pre-abuse personality of the survivor, especially his or her degree of resilience, and the supportive or unsupportive nature of the post-abuse environment. Many are able to take the abuse in their stride and go on to live happy and productive lives. But very many are indeed broken in body and crushed in spirit.
I conclude with excerpts from a letter which Anita, a survivor of childhood incest, wrote to her therapist, after attempting a healing exercise he had suggested to her. Her words express poignantly the deleterious effects of sexual abuse (the underlining is by Anita herself):
You know I am a broken person from my childhood days, as I have told you. I started doing the exercise as you have advised me…I was so disturbed I lost control of my emotions…I cried bitterly about one-and-half hours. All the events came back to my mind. Those days I did not feel anything. Now when I think I am completely exhausted, depressed. Why I am living like this? My body is lost and my life also is lost. With all this doubt today I am a broken person and I want to heal myself fully. …The thought and experience which I don’t want to come into my memory started troubling me—all confused. I don’t know what to do… I am in utter confusion…
At least four days I took to write the letter this much. Whenever I start writing, my tears don’t allow me to write. Then I sit and cry for a long time….
This is hurting me and feel to cry. It pains me. Don’t know what to do… Then guilt feelings like I should not have done all this. I am carrying a lot of painful experiences and I want to be a completely changed person. Is it possible for me? Will I be able to experience a real peace of mind and happiness?
The answer to Anita’s plaintive question is an emphatic “Yes!”
Sexual abuse can damage the body and crush the spirit. But healing and recovery is possible! Life can be good again!
The next issue of Magnet will describe the pathways to healing and recovery.
INTROSPECTION
- What are your main learnings from reading this article?
- If you are a sexual abuse survivor, how much of what has been presented is true to your own experience?
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