You have been in different forms of ministry—teaching, formation, looking after HIV-affected persons, and now leadership as provincial. What has been your main learning from each of these ministries? What have you taken away as the best lesson from each?
Learning depended much on which phase of life I was in. While in teaching ministry (more in administration than teaching) I was much younger and so in the initial years I had a lot of fear and anxiety. I was not sure of my own leadership qualities. One thing that helped me:
I often reminded myself that I had much less experience compared to most of the senior teachers and so I was ready to observe, ask, discuss and learn. This awareness made me humble and respectful towards the others too.
In my close contact with the teachers and parents I was edified by the dedication and commitment of the staff and the co-workers. It was again a great learning experience for me in dealing with the students, especially those with behavioural problems……
I was fortunate to work in a happy and peaceful atmosphere where everyone used to do his/her part for the common mission. While meeting the parents, even to settle issues, I realised that to me each student is one among many, but to the parent his/her child is the only one. I made sure that at the end of every encounter every parent feels that I am equally interested in his/her child as him/her. With a little bit of encouragement and trust we can bring out the best in each child. I learnt to listen to what they were saying rather than passing judgements. I learnt to solve problems amicably, to separate person” from the issue …… something which I practise even today.
In social ministry–working with the tribal women and caring for HIV- infected women—was a totally different experience. I had to feel with the daily suffering and pain of the women. I worked for a project called “Save A Family Plan” in North Maharashtra. Some families from Canada have adopted the poor families from India to support them financially. I had to keep in touch with the benefactors (some of them were themselves inmates in institutions) on behalf of the women. I could feel the genuine kindness and concern of those benefactors though they had never met the Indian families. Women infected by HIV have also inspired me a lot. Most of them are abandoned by their families. It is not easy for them to see any purpose in living; inspite of all the pain and sorrow, their resilience is remarkable.
In social ministry, one has to be contented with what one does, since we don’t see the fruit of our labour most of the time. I learnt to appreciate the little ways in which they would express their happiness and gratitude. There is a lot of fulfilment in supporting the marginalised people to live a more dignified life in society. They do not have too many things to take care of, to worry about or to impress others. There is a unique satisfaction that we experience when we don’t receive adulations or admiration for our hard work. No one may remember your birthday and come with a bouquet or a gift to greet you. Seeing their joy is our joy.
During my brief experience (two years) of accompanying the junior sisters, I began to be more conscious of my own inner journey. The more I was aware of myself, the more genuinely I could guide them. The benefits of my reading came to be more useful during this time. This is the time I began to seriously introspect my own life and experienced the deep inner joy, which doesn’t depend on anything from the outside. Only if we have faith in ourselves will we have faith in others and God. Helping someone to find himself/herself is itself a reward.
Loneliness is a big issue, especially among the young religious. As relationships become shallow or easily broken, most of them say, ‘I have nobody…’ First of all, they need to feel at home with themselves, only then will they be able to build up genuine relationships.
When we recruit young people to religious life, we promise or claim that this choice will help them to become more Christ-like, and bring God’s love to people. Do you see that happening in the majority of religious?
Not much of this seems to be happening. They do not often see what they are promised or what they aspired for. Role models are hard to find in religious life these days. We seem to have mixed up religiosity with spirituality. We keep up the religious practices – being present in the chapel whenever the bell rings, keeping up the community rules and regulations, performing our duties ‘well,’ but sadly our spirituality remains stagnant. Year after year we see no change in certain persons – no grace, no happiness, no enthusiasm, no creativity… Most of the religious seem to go about as though life itself is a mistake.
However, I have also seen some genuine persons who have grown gracefully old and are doing exemplary service for the society. They hardly think of themselves and are magnanimous in their self-giving.
Though the situation is at times discouraging, it is not an excuse for the young to excuse themselves from examining their lives; to ask oneself – “what am I here for?”
In your own case, what has helped you most in becoming what God wants you to become?
I do not know whether I am becoming what God wants me to become. But I feel more and more comfortable with this ‘cloud of unknowing.’ As I grow older, I realise that, if I want to be happy, I need to learn to live with such uncertainties. The present pandemic, the subsequent lockdowns and the suffering, fear and anxieties that followed—these are best evidences for that. We need to be prepared for surprises—especially the unpleasant ones.
In my childhood I used to spend a lot of time in nature. Change of seasons and the way it would transform everything in nature would fill me with joy. I would experience God in nature—in the sunset, sun rise… The beauty of hills and mountains would fascinate me. I experience the glory of God in all this.
I like every season. (This is probably why I always like change. I do not get attached to any place or work.) I don’t have regrets about the ‘good old days’ because there is always something to be joyful about in the present. We have the ability to create that joyful moment again.
I never feel lonely because I enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy someone’s company. When I am alone, I have books as my companions.
You are a newly appointed provincial. What do you see as the main task of religious leadership today?
Taking up a leadership to me is like running a relay race. Once the baton is passed on to you, you should be focused on what you are supposed to do. No matter how it was handed over to you, once it is in your hands you have to ‘run the race,’ knowing that one day you too will have to give it further. If our focus is diverted and we go off the ‘track,’ we are not following our Master.
I see SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP as the need of the hour in religious communities. Listening to the members and accompanying them in their inner journey is the main task of those in authority. But most of the religious leaders either get caught up in administration or are not interested in guiding others. Administration these days takes up the most important place in leadership.
In my case I took charge along with my team just as the pandemic was spreading all over the world. Many phases of lockdowns followed. It has been a ‘desert experience’ for me to prepare myself to face the many challenges that will follow. We need to move on; everything around us is constantly changing.
Is there any person or experience that has touched you deeply and made a significant difference to your life?
When I was in high school, I had a friend who was very close to me. One day we had an argument, after which we stopped talking to each other. Later she left the school and went to stay with her eldest brother who was settled far away. She continued her studies there. I didn’t meet her for years.
Then, a few years back, when I was at home for my holidays, she happened to be travelling by bus, and passed my house. Realizing that I was home, she got my number, called me and we met—after thirty-seven years! That meeting and reunion was so thrilling. Reconciliation has always given me tremendous joy. I believe that there is always a way to make things good again. I learnt to unload the burden of anger, resentment and regrets and to move on in life.
I am convinced that if we forgive an offense—even a serious one—the wrongdoer repents and changes his/her way. I say this from my many experiences. I was able to do this only when I grew in awareness of my own shortcomings, vulnerability and ego.
At home, I used to spend a lot of time alone in nature. I would study under the rubber trees. During those days I developed an intimate friendship with God. I would talk to Him as though He were right in front of me and would express my deepest feelings to Him. I experienced a deep peace—I am not able to put it into words—during those moments. I was fascinated by something larger than myself. It was also during those days that I made the decision to join religious life.
My only desire at that time was to serve the poorest of the poor.
However, I had my own ups and downs in religious life—doubts, feelings of meaninglessness, …
There was a phase in my life where I felt that I was not honest with myself when I was trying to fill my emptiness with the work I was doing. But time to time I would go back to my earlier experiences and find consolation. My inner voice would always encourage me to look forward with hope and to move on.
What does religious life offer to a woman of today who wants to lead a meaningful life and make a difference?
Those who join religious life today are mostly coming from nuclear families. They are more exposed to the world outside than the older religious. We need to update our formation programs in order to accommodate their experiences and talents.
Much depends on the leadership. Role models today are hard to find. So, no matter how much we try to convince anyone, what they see and experience is more real to them than what they hear during the recruitment.
In the initial years, most religious have the desire to live a deeper spiritual life, to be more Christ-like. Later, they are pulled into the ‘whirlpool’ of consumerism, individualism, personal ambitions, etc. What is needed is spiritual accompaniment.
Who or what is God to you? How do you speak about God to today’s people, especially the young?
It is difficult to say who God is. The more I try to describe God, the more inadequate my answer will be. For me, God is life itself. I cannot limit God to an image or a dogma. God is also not the monopoly of a religious group either.
We see God as we are. In many cases our image of God does not mature with the age. For example, a person who had a strict father will experience God as a task master; someone who was pampered by the father/mother will see God as a miracle worker. When he/she doesn’t get what he/she asked for, God doesn’t exist or God is angry.
I like to explain the spiritual growth or seeking God within, with an example. To me it’s like digging a well. Once we identify the location, we need only to remove the grit that is covering the spring of water. This spring of water is the indwelling presence of God. Over the years, the ‘grime’ above and around it, may have become so hard that it takes years of handwork to get back to that ‘spring of water’ within us. In order to take off this hard covering, we need deep awareness of what is going on within us.
Sorrow may remove it, self-awareness may remove it, or an unexpected tragedy may do it. But digging is done by removing the stuff that is covering that spring of water. Once we have reached that spring, it will ‘quench our thirst forever.’
The question is: Am I ‘digging a little more each day’ by growing in self-awareness, knowing that He is waiting to offer me the Living Water?
Sr Marina Thomas SU
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