Here are ordinary people like you and me who made a difference—without waiting for acclaim or wasting their life complaining.
A mother with 1000 children
This year, the DY Patil Institute of Technology and Research conferred the prestigious D.Litt. degree on a woman who has studied only up to class four. How come?
Courage and compassion combine beautifully in Sindhutai Sapkal, known as the mother of orphans.
Born to a very poor family in Maharashtra, she went to school against her mother’s wishes, using a leaf as a slate. Extreme poverty and marriage to a thirty-year-old man when she was just ten made her quit school. By age twenty, she had three sons. When nine-months pregnant with their fourth child, her husband—under pressure from a corrupt local leader—abandoned her. She gave birth to a daughter in a cattle shed, and walked a couple of kilometres to the house of her mother, who refused to take her in. She thought of suicide, but decided to support herself begging. Then she realized there were so many children who had no one to lean on. She decided to be a mother to them, and to support them by begging.
She has looked after over a thousand orphans. Today, her family includes 207 sons-in-law, 36 daughters-in-law and over one thousand grand children. Many of the poor children she adopted are well-educated now, and some are running orphanages.
Sindhutai has received over 270 awards. She used the award money to make a home for children.
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A Farmer and a Starving Boy
One day, at a bus stand in South India, Mr. Mathew saw a poor boy searching for food in the leftovers thrown out by roadside restaurants. Before he could anything, his bus took off; but the memory of that hungry boy remained in Mr. Mathew’s mind.
What did he do?
Thinking of that hungry boy and others like him, Mathew decided to pay for three children—in three orphanages run by different religious groups. Years later, when his children found out what he had been doing, and expressed surprise, his simple reply was: “Why should we tell others when we do something good?” After he died, individuals and institutions would tell the family of the constant help he had been giving them—all without their knowledge.
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Moving to the Peripheries
Sr Martha pleaded with her superiors to free her of the principal’s post and let her work among the poor. She has lived in slums among the poorest, who often wondered why this educated woman came and lived among them. But gradually, her love became more and more apparent to them.
This is the kind of initiative that the Pope speaks about when he invites religious to move “to the peripheries.” May more of us move from the security, comfort and prestige of holding posts in famous institutions to reaching out to the truly destitute.
Fr Gerry (name changed) manages to rescue about fifty children every day from bus stands and railway stations in Bangalore! Those of us who know him are struck by his love for poor children, his joyful spirit and his deep trust in God.
In railway stations (such as Bangalore or Chennai Central) which have a help desk named “Bosco,” there are always staff members ready to help any child. Many children go to cities to escape hunger, ill-treatment and neglect at home. They do not know the dangers awaiting them in the city, beginning with touts who promise them jobs, then sell them for bonded labour or worse. Initiatives like “Bosco” welcome such kids, give them a safe shelter, see to their education and skills training, and try to get them back to their families.
Navajivan, one such Bosco Centre in Vijayawada, Andhra, has rescued and settled nearly 24,000 children.
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A Poor Man Looking after Poorer Patients
Devassy, a poor man, used to cycle up to fifty kilometres every day to take free food to destitute patients in the Medical College Hospital, Alleppey, Kerala. Apart from providing free food, he would help to clean and bathe them, and help them in their toilet needs. Seeing his loving service, his parish and some good people started providing food for him to distribute in the hospital.
If a discharged patient had nowhere to go, Devassy would take them home and look after them, with the help of his wife and his two children. He had done this for hundreds of poor patients. Examples:
Perumal, aged 50, from Dindigul, Tamilnadu, was paralyzed after a fall. Devassy looked after him for three years in his own home.
Sixty-nine-year-old Narayanan came in with head injuries and fractured legs. His relatives did not want him back. Devassy took charge.
Navaneen Krishnan, 68, abandoned by his sons, was taken in by Devassy.
How did he get into this?
“I was once hospitalized with chest pains. I noticed that an old man next to me had no one to look after him. I started with him. Later, I helped someone else. Then I thought: Why not help more people?”
With disarming simplicity and conviction, Devassy would share his outlook: “to see others’ bodies as our own body.”
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Not Abandoning the Abandoned
Gurmeet Singh, an elderly Sikh shopkeeper, visits the poorest patients in a hospital in Patna every evening, bringing them food and medicines. How does an ordinary man find the money for this? His moving answer: “There is a donation box in our house. Our family of five brothers puts away 10 per cent of our monthly earnings in it. Our children do not celebrate birthdays or burst crackers during Diwali.” (For details, see The Hindu, September 25, 2016)
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Kidney Donation
Fr Lionel (name changed), a parish priest in Telangana,saw a woman kneeling in the church and weeping. Finding that her husband needed a kidney to survive, he asked for his medical records. He got himself tested. His kidney matched the husband’s. He collected money from his family members—without telling them what it was for—and told the woman to get her husband ready for surgery. He donated his kidney for this stranger, meeting the expenses of his own surgery.
He does not speak about this, nor draws attention to his extreme generosity.
India has a tremendous shortage of organ donors. If more of us came forward to donate our organs—at least after we die—each one can give new life to eight other people. For more information, see the government website NOTTO (National Organ and Tissue Transplant Organization).
A doctor who addressed a seminar in CRI House, Delhi, on this issue told us how she got involved in this. Her son, who died at the age of twenty-two, had insisted with her that he wanted his organs to be donated.
Project Vision organized a Blind Walk on 13 October 2016 at 55 locations in 5 countries, to make people aware of the situation of the blind, and promote eye donation.
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A Poor Girl’s Wedding Expenses
A wedding I attended recently had this beautiful loving “footnote,” unknown to most of those who attended. The bride’s parents had decided to cut down the expenses of their daughter’s wedding, and use the money to help a young woman from a poor family to get married. They approached the parish priest about this. He gave them the name of a family and the amount required, and they handed that sum over to him. So, without stress or humiliation, a young woman without means could get married.
There are so many families struggling to get their daughters married. In their pain and humiliation, they often do not know whom to turn to.
Can’t many of us cut down on the “show” at weddings and other celebrations, and help another human being to meet the necessities of life?
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Helpers and Non-Helpers
During the infamous Nazi rule in Germany, millions of Jews were murdered. Christians who helped Jews would be arrested. And yet, a number of people hid or helped Jews.
Psychologists made a study years later to find out what kind of people tended to take such a huge risk and help the Jews.
Were church-going people more likely to help than non-attendants? No.
Were the Catholics more helpful than the Protestants, or vice-versa? No.
The determining factor was this:
Those who came from families in which the parents helped others, were most likely to help people in trouble. Parents’ example counted more than church-affiliation or religious practice or any other factor.
Parents, please take note.
(Note to religious and priests: We may call ourselves Franciscans, Salesians, Sisters of Saint X, etc, but, more truly, we are products of our families. The example and teachings of our parents and siblings influence us more than founders or novice mistresses can.)
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Going Beyond Rules
Two little children knock at a convent door in Chennai. Thin, sad, frightened. The sisters recognize them. They are pupils of their school.
The kids tell them their tragic story. Their father, a drug-addict, sends them out to steal and bring him money. Their mother, unable to stand the situation at home, has run away.
The children plead with the Sisters: “Please don’t send us back home. Give us a place to stay. Don’t tell Daddy we are here.”
The Sisters talk this over. They have no boarding. The children’s story is true. What should the convent do?
The sister principal—a kind-hearted woman—suggests: “Till we can find their other relatives, let them sleep in one of the class rooms. I am ready to sleep in that room to keep them company. As for their food, I will find some friends to meet that expense.”
They do this.
Mercy or love means going beyond rules and obligations. Often when we say, “We can’t,” what we really mean is: “We don’t care enough.”
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“Give my eyes to my cousin!”
Some years ago, a sixteen-year-old girl in Tiruvannamalai, Tamilnadu, was hit by a lorry and died soon after. What she did shortly before her death is worth narrating.
Rajalakshmi, daughter of a daily labourer, was taking her father lunch on her cycle when she was hit by a lorry. The hit smashed both her legs. Bystanders took her to the government hospital, where she struggled for life.
In the midst of her agonizing pain, and realizing that she was going to die, Rajalakshmi asked that her eyes be donated to her cousin Bhuvana.
This was done.
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A priest in need of compassion
When Father Frank, a gifted but lonely priest, felt inadequate and lost, he did not receive much support from other priests. Mrs. Virginia, an elderly parishioner, would always tell him sincere words of appreciation for his homilies (which were excellent), and bring him home-made sweets, which he loved. But she knew that food is not what he really needed. “What he needs is someone with whom he feels free. However, the Lord knows better than I what Father Frank needs.” Virginia never condemned anyone. Her kindness was one of the bright spots in Fr. Frank’s otherwise lonely life.
You will find gifted and “successful” people who are lonely and without close friends. Success or fame or talent cannot fill our heart. Only love can do that. As the saintly Cardinal Joseph Bernardin of Chicago used to say: “To be good priests we must first be good men. This requires that we seek to understand the mystery of our whole humanity. We must make provision for our physical, emotional and psychological health. We cannot hide from life. Only by living life in all its complexity will we be able to serve our people with compassion. Our genuine interest and authenticity should be manifest. If we are truly comfortable with ourselves and have a deep appreciation of our celibate commitment, we should not fear opening ourselves to others in love and lasting friendships. Like everyone else, the priest needs affection.”
Priests and religious, being normal human beings, need to receive and give affection. We need forgiveness and mercy for our weaknesses. This will help us to reach out to others, not in condemnation, but in kindness and compassion.
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Personal tragedies
Philosopher Bertrand Russell wrote: “To understand a person means to understand the tragedy of his life; for it is around it that his life is organized.”
Isn’t this so true? I heard a good illustration of that truth from a priest friend who worked in an orphanage.
“These boys are so difficult,” he said, “Some are really a pain. Many do not want to study. They do not listen to what you tell them. It is so easy to get frustrated and angry. But, then, when you meet them in private, and listen to their stories, you feel like weeping. Many come from broken families. There is so much pain in their hearts. I can understand their restlessness and why they find it so hard to concentrate on their studies.”
Many counselling and therapy sessions have brought this central truth home to me in powerful and often moving ways. Persons whom we had judged without understanding touched our hearts when they shared their pain with the group. In therapy groups, we have wept with participants as they went through painful self-revelation, rejoiced with others who finally felt free to be themselves and show their “weak” side. In a setting where they feel secure and understood, without condemnation and comparisons, people grow up and really blossom. Isn’t that the kind of setting all of us are looking for? We look for people who provide us a safe and loving space where we can be ourselves, where we can look at our worst fears, where we can ask the questions burning within us, where we look into eyes that see us with love and compassion, not with suspicion and condemnation.
While we long for such a loving space, we can begin by being that sort of loving space for someone else. From being judges, we can graduate to being healers. A better choice any day, don’t you think?
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The best-loved woman in France
A nun in her eighties was voted the most popular woman in France. Why?
Sister Emmanuelle, a French Catholic nun, taught literature for twenty-eight years in different places—Turkey, Tunisia, Cairo. In Cairo she came across the miserable plight of the rubbish collectors. She felt that her vocation was “to be poor among the poorest, in imitation of Jesus.” As she was nearing retirement, at the age of sixty-two, she was allowed to leave the convent and live really among the poor as one of them, surrounded by mountains of rubbish. Living among the rubbish collectors, she achieved the near impossible against great odds, constructing houses and schools, as well as medical centres. Her work then branched out to other nations as well. Her foundation has helped over 60,000 children.
She referred to her life among the poor as one of deep joy. “Joy sings there, where we live without water, without electricity, without conveniences, but with real fraternity, and where love and friendship is the basis of daily life.” The real shock, she said, was being called back to France in her old age.
Sister Emmanuelle returned home to France in 1993, at the age of 85. She soon became a hit with the media. People wanted to hear this frail, elderly nun who challenged the conscience of the nation.
When people compared her to Mother Teresa, she rejected any such comparisons as ridiculous. “It’s like comparing a mouse and a mountain,” she said.
Those who knew her speak of her tremendous energy and her bubbling sense of joy.
She would tell people, “If you want to be alive, you must love.” She died in 2008, at the age of 99.
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Spiritual Works of Mercy
“When I was in my late teens,” reminiscences Archana, now employed with a software company, “What I really needed was wise and correct direction. I was quite messed up, and did not have someone in my family to turn to. In fact, a good part of the problem was my family. I could have taken some very wrong turns and damaged myself seriously. But, then, by God’s grace, I was blessed with a good teacher, who was also a good and wise person. She listened to me. She guided me. Her example inspired me. She made a world of difference. Had it not been for her presence and timely help, I would not have become the person I am today.”
A good teacher can make such a difference! That is a truism too well known well to need repeating here. When Ranjith went to thank Mr. Nathan, a very dedicated and strict teacher, this is what he told him: “Sir, I came to thank you, because you were dedicated and really interested in us. Although I failed in your subject, I am grateful to you, because you tried your best to help me, and you took me seriously. You never laughed at me, or made me feel worthless. And you were never partial.”
Mercy does not have to be expressed only or always in material help. Teaching, listening, counselling, encouraging, guiding—all these are excellent spiritual works of mercy. Human beings have many needs beyond the physical.
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Heroism of a Policeman
Some years ago, Prince, a five-year-old boy in Haryana, fell into a tube well that was 60 feet deep and 1.5 foot wide, and spent 49 hours at the bottom of the well. Amar Nath, a 57-year-old assistant sub-inspector, went into the well to save the child. He was underground for most of the 49 hours that the child was underground. Taking off his khaki dress, he went on to dig for hours, to rescue the kid. Why did he do it? His reply: “It was the call of my conscience. I wanted the kid to survive.”
Amar Nath had done such things earlier, too. He saved two women from drowning. Another time, he looked after a six-year-old child (who was lost) for three months, until his parents found him again.
I liked the humanity and the humour in the man’s reply when asked what he wanted as a reward for saving Prince: “A bath!”
This type of loving engagement helps us to understand Pope Francis when he says that mercy is different from pity (as when we say, “Poor fellow!” and walk on) or philanthropy (giving money out of our abundance). Given our tendency to generalize from a few negative reports, we need to hear about our Amar Naths and other normally ignored heroes, who are many more than we would think.
What makes a country—or the world—great and a good place to live in, is not the foibles and speeches of the politicians or the stories of film stars or the thrills provided by sports teams, but the decency and goodness of the ordinary person. So many do so much good, even though they get neither publicity nor material rewards. This is not what we usually hear about; what we more easily read about, or see on TV, is murder and mayhem, terrorism and war, stories of cruelty and greed. And we easily forget that persons doing such things are the exception, nor the norm.
There are, thank God, very many caring persons, in every religion and ethnic group. I am an optimist about human beings, despite the abundance of chilling stories in the media. I believe there are more Amar Naths than suicide bombers and their inhuman masters—and that goodness, though less sensational than evil, is stronger and more lasting. What will you and I do to make it the major force?
What are YOU doing? What will you do?
Reading inspiring true stories touches the heart, but it is only a small step.
The real issue is:
What are YOU doing to make the world a better place? To make God’s loving tenderness real for those who suffer? How will you use your God-given gifts to bring healing and hope to those who need it? Will you walk through the world as an angel of mercy or an indifferent egoist or promoter of hatred?
May you make the right and life-giving choice.
Lest you think that mercy is something only “some people out there” need, read our last story.
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The Other 98 Points
This charming parable was narrated by Patty, a school teacher, at a prayer meeting in Chicago.
Sylvester, a “good Christian,” dies and meets the angel at the gates of heaven. He is sure of entering heaven, since he has lived a “good” life—kept the rules, committed no great crimes, been faithful to his wife, helped some poor people.
The angel tells him: “All you have to do to get into heaven is to earn one hundred points. Tell me how you have lived.”
Confidently, Sylvester tells the angel about his “good” life—dutiful husband and father, regular at church, free of addictions and scandals.
“Good!” the angel tells him. “You get one point.”
“Just one point?”
“Ya. Go on. Tell me more. All you need to do is to earn another ninety-nine points.”
“Ah, yes, I gave money to the poor. I supported an orphanage.”
“Very good! You get one more point.”
“Just one more point?”
“Ya. All you need is to get another ninety-eight points.”
“Another ninety-eight points? I do not know what to do. All I can do is to throw myself into the merciful arms of God.”
“Excellent!” the angel replied. “You get the other ninety-eight points.”
Great story. Deep truth.
We exist and move and grow up and achieve what we do by God’s mercy. If I can think and type these words, and if you can read them, that is by God’s mercy, not by our smartness. If we will be alive the next minute or the next day, it is a gift from God’s mercy. If one day we get to our Home in heaven, that, above all, is by God’s mercy. I cannot deserve such an incredible gift.
Thank God for the ninety-eight points.
May we throw ourselves into God’s merciful arms each day—or better, be aware that we are held in God’s merciful heart and tender embrace.
Each of us, as our great “fellow-sinner” Pope Francis reminds us, is a sinner who has experienced much mercy. May we be aware of this truth, never deny it, and extend a bit of that mercy to other fellow-sinners.
“When we judge people, we have no time to love,” as that angel of mercy, Mother Teresa, reminds us. The less we condemn, and more we share the healing balm of mercy, the more beautiful the world will be.
And the more meaningful—and honest—our journey through life.
May you be a healing beacon of goodness.
May we, together, fight the “globalization of indifference” with an onslaught of mercy.
– Fr. Joe Mannath SDB is the National Secretary of CRI and the editor of this magazine
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