I was just turning thirty-five when I became quite disillusioned with my priesthood and religious life. I had returned to my province after my studies in spirituality in England. With new people in authority who did not know me well and with two sudden unexpected transfers, and not being given an assignment where I could use my newly gained knowledge and expertise, I felt rejected and hurt.
After a while sexual urges became intense. Fantasies of marrying, enjoying sexual intimacy and raising children began to crowd my mind. There was inner pain, confusion, emptiness and loneliness. I began to doubt my vocation. May be, I was not meant to be a religious or priest.
After a few months of struggling on my own, I told everything to my spiritual director, who offered guidance and support. I began to make sense of and be at peace with all that I was experiencing. I was able to recommit to my religious and priestly life and find it again very meaningful and satisfying. I have accomplished a number of worthwhile things in the years that followed.
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Fr Jose Parappully SDB
