It is quite likely that assessment of life, particularly of our dreams, can lead to de-illusioning – a shattering of our unrealistic and idealistic notion of life, our illusions. As we come to midlife, we recognize that long-held assumptions about self, others and the world are not really true. We recognise that many things that were taught to us as truth were actually lies.
At midlife we recognize that life does not move the way we would want it to, that there are things over which we do not have control, that people are not who we thought they would be.
We realise that we are not able to do what we want to, change what we would like to change. We recognise our limitations.
As psychologist C. S. Pearson observes, “We are called to give up the illusion that we can force life to fit our scripts, that we can shape other people to match our expectations, or that we can make ourselves fit our own image of who we want to be (The Hero Within, p. 118)
Reality smashing our dreams
In the first half of life we are driven to pursue idealised dreams, the impossibly high goals and standards we set for ourselves, often as compensation for the powerlessness we experienced in childhood. We are lured by an immature mind to believe in fantasies of limitlessness, that we can achieve anything if only we try hard enough. This is a lie that is told to us often, and by many people around us. By midlife we may have tried very hard indeed, and we only experienced failure, may be again and again.
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Fr Jose Parappully SDB
