Some time back I lost my residence permit. I searched for it everywhere but could not find it. In my mind, I played back again and again my movements during the twelve hours preceding the realization that I had lost the permit trying to ascertain where and how I could have lost it. I recalled time and again all the difficulty I had in procuring the document and all the trouble I would have to undergo in the future to get a new one. I told myself what I should have done and how I should have carried it so that I would not have lost it. I blamed myself for being careless. I felt sad, angry, anxious ashamed and discouraged. It was a day on which I had to attend an international seminar, but I could not concentrate. The thought of the document, how I had lost it, what I should have done in order not to have lost it, how I should be careful about the other documents, these thoughts and the feeling of being foolish and miserable kept on repeating themselves in my mind. I saw some old friends who had come for the seminar but did not feel like talking to them. I had no enthusiasm, no appetite. I felt almost paralysed. In the afternoon I lay down exhausted not knowing what to do. Somehow, I lived through the day. But at night as I lay down to sleep, I began repeating to myself the same things. I woke up earlier than usual and continued lying on my bed replaying once again the same things.
Experiences like this are quite common in our life. They may not have the same intensity but they are similar in as much as the mind keeps replaying and repeating to itself the same things endless number of times. As a result, we feel stressed, exhausted and unable to concentrate.
Jose Kuttianimattathil sdb
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