CRYSTAL
Love is one of those words that is used so often that it could mean just about anything. “I love those shoes you are wearing!” “Don’t you just love this pizza?” “I would love to go on a safari to Africa and discover a whole new world” “I met someone last night and I just love her!” Apparently, love is in the air for everyone in all sorts of ways. Unfortunately the overuse of the word has watered down the understanding of one of the key truths of our faith as Christians: God is love. Surely, the essence of God is better than some beautiful shoes, an appealing meal, an exciting vacation or even a wonderful human relationship. What can help us better understand the word ‘love?’
Many years ago, O. Henry wrote a short story called The Gift of the Magi. It revolves around a young couple, Della and Jim, who are very much in love despite their material poverty. There are only two things that could be considered their treasures: Della’s beautiful hair and Jim’s shiny gold watch, which had been given to him by his father. On Christmas Eve, this young couple wanted so desperately to give each other a very special gift as a symbol of their love. With no other means to get money, Della has her hair cut and sells it, receiving just enough money to buy a chain for Jim’s watch. In the meantime, Jim has sold his watch in order to buy beautiful combs for her hair. Obviously, as soon as they are together to exchange their presents, they realize that they are now left with gifts that neither one can use. But they have given each other a far greater gift than they ever had, and as a result of their ‘mistakes’ they have become the wisest of all. They now realize how far they are willing to go to show their love for each other, and how priceless their love really is.
Here then is the essence of love—the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the happiness of another. Jesus tells us over and over in the Gospels that if we want to show our love for Him, we should love one another. Clearly, this self-giving love should be at the core of every relationship, beginning with our relationship with God and extending to our family members, our communities and all people of the world.
Unfortunately, our human nature often leaves us with the tendency to focus more on our own needs and desires than on fulfilling the needs and desires of others. This brings to mind a conversation I had with a young woman named Kathy, whose marriage was suffering with issues of addiction and lack of trust. When Kathy confided her struggles to a single friend, the friend proposed that Kathy should simply leave her husband, because she deserved to be happy. Kathy lamented “But marriage isn’t always about being happy,” an understanding that, God willing, will bring her through this time of trouble and allow her to embrace the suffering that sometimes visits us in our vocations.
Our greatest challenge is to be willing to work through the imperfect situations in our lives and love generously. Jesus tells us (John 15: 12-13): “This is my commandment: love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” We have all heard this teaching over and over again, but in the moments of life when others are hurting us, rejecting us, or simply rubbing us the wrong way, it is so difficult to live out.
We all KNOW what we should do. In every day circumstances, laying down our lives might mean living out the virtues of patience, empathy, confidence in the other’s goodness, humility, and kindness. What I am learning is that I have to constantly ask for the grace to employ these virtues because I am simply too weak and proud to do so on my own. I can think of no better help to move in this direction than to be constantly and acutely aware of the fact that God loved us into existence.
At a retreat recently, the speaker reflected on Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” We are not here on earth by accident! God created us out of an abundance of love and delights in our very existence. He created us to live in a deep union of love with Him for eternity. He is so eager to see how we might be in relationship with Him so that we understand how loved we are as His cherished child. This is our ultimate vocation. Our very existence is a call to love God and love others. Since we can’t give to others what we do not have ourselves, we have to pray for the great grace to truly know and trust in His love for us. When we live in the realization that we are loved unconditionally by the Lord of the universe, despite our many imperfections and failings, we will find it easier to love others in the same way.
KEVIN
When Crystal shared with me this month’s theme, I was intrigued and challenged by how to best define love, especially in the context of the spiritual reality that ‘God is love’ so beautifully expressed throughout Scripture and in Benedict XVI’s encyclical Deus Caritas Est. As she talked about how love means placing the happiness of another in front of our own immediate desires, I was reminded of my High School English teacher who defined love as simply desiring the happiness of another. Father Dunne’s definition is one I have carried in my heart for decades, even as I have encountered other definitions both cultural and spiritual.
All of the definitions and examples of love, including that of the crucifixion, found room in my head, my heart and my soul and helped me to become a more loving person. Yes, what greater example of unconditional love could there be than Christ’s passion and death on a cross? I understood it intellectually and spiritually but I wasn’t a witness to it.
Now challenged to choose a definition of love, I was drawn to a defining moment, a time on a couples retreat when we were struggling in our marriage. I had listened to Crystal share with me what it felt like to be a young professional woman who enjoyed a successful career yet was willing give it up so that she could care for two infant children day in and day out with little or no involvement on my part. The more Crystal shared, the more I came to appreciate what it meant to give up one’s life for another. She had shared with me a living definition of what love is and what it looks like in action—one which I now could strive to imitate. As I strive to love as Christ loves, I don’t have to figuratively hang from the cross. I merely have to be as self-giving and sacrificing as Crystal has been for me and our family throughout our years together.
I have come to understand that there are many definitions of love that we can learn and adopt, yet perhaps the most meaningful definitions are those that we experience in the examples of those we encounter in our daily lives. So, as we follow Crystal’s advice to pray for the grace to know and trust in God’s love, let us also pray for the grace to see that love in the lives and hearts of the loving souls we encounter each and every day of our lives.
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