Once, when I needed help with a certain issue, I went to meet a counsellor. He was quite well known in the area as a therapist. He welcomed me cordially and, after exchanging some pleasantries, I began to describe my problem. After about a minute or two he interrupted me and said, “Jose, this is your problem. And you can do this and this exercise.” I felt really upset and angry. Before I could even say what my problem was he had already concluded what my problem was and was ready with a solution. I felt not at all listened to and as if what I had to say was worthless. I requested him to listen to me first.
Some days later, I asked him why he had taken such an approach. He apologized and said, “I have much experience in this field and so, when you started sharing, I could more or less guess what your problem was. I wanted to save time; that is why I interrupted you.” I was neither consoled by what he said nor could I agree with the approach he had taken. What I wanted first and foremost was someone to listen to me, to hear me out, to whom I could unburden myself. Although I continued with him and benefitted from his guidance, I feel that I would have gained much more had be been a better listener.
Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB
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