Sr Martha (who is on the staff of a formation house, came to speak to me recently). Evidently sincere and eager to help the formees, she expressed several doubts. How do I correct young women? How do I point out their mistakes without anger? How do I express my own views to other staff members without hurting them? All normal doubts and queries.
I told her some simple truths that many of us know. We, religious and priests, while meaning well, tend to overdo two things: advice-giving (or exhortations) and moralizing.
“Try to be more patient.” “Do not be jealous of others.” “Let us be prayerful like our mother foundress.” “You should control your temper.” “You should not waste time.”
A whole series of “Let us…” and Do’s and Don’ts. Most of these do not help the hearer.
They know that they should not be jealous, or that they need to be more patient and prayerful. Exhortation is not what they need.
What they need—and look for—is example. To see loving, caring grownups who are not jealous of each other, who love and support one another, who look happy, who create an atmosphere of warmth and care. And who are willing to share how they themselves handled their weakness, and moved from jealousy to collaboration, from fear to confidence.
Fr Joe Mannath SDB
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