Patrick, a twenty-two-year-old seminarian, writes me a mail asking me: “Father, I envy some of my companions who seem to make friends easily. They are popular. They are a hit wherever they go. I wish I too could mix like them, make friends, be popular. When I am in a new group, I don’t know what to say or do. I keep quiet. Later, I feel sorry I did not make some new friends. How can I learn to make friends?”
A similar query came from Venita, an undergraduate college student. She, too, felt shy and reserved, but wanted to make friends and be a “popular girl.”
We all want friends, don’t we? We want to be liked. Sure, who doesn’t? We fantasize being popular, don’t we?
Some of us think: “If I were pretty, like Rita, I would be popular”: “If I could crack jokes and make people laugh, I would be a hit, like Jack”; “If I were smarter and a good public speaker, I would have got many friends and admirers.”
Much of the time, we look at others, and wish we were more like them.
Nothing wrong with that; we can all learn good things from others. But just imagining that, to make friends, we need the looks or humor or money or skills which some others seem to have—this will not help.
Ten Tips
What will help a young person to make friends?
Here are simple, practical tips, culled from experience. If you want to make true friends, and have people you can count on, do the following things:
- Help: “You can count on Brian anytime you need help,” his friends say enthusiastically about this young man. What they say is true. It is enough Brian hears of someone’s need—with extra manual work, like shifting furniture, or taking someone to the hospital, or picking up someone at the railway station or airport, you can truly count on Brian. He does it cheerfully, without making a fuss. In fact, he looks happy to help. This was the case in his family and neighborhood when he was growing up. It continues in the religious communities where he has lived. Any need? Count on Brian! People are not looking for big talkers, but genuine helpers.
Fr Joe Mannath SDB
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