I could lead with a hundred fancy introductions, but I choose to give you a sense of where I come from. I’m Ranjana Maria Konatt, a 22-year-old Journalist working enthusiastically for a well-known English newspaper in Mumbai. My parents, Satish and Crescentia Konatt, are both Word Ministers, giving most of their time to serve the Catholic Church. As a child, Sunday mass was never a miss and, being the only daughter, I was always kept under the safety wings of my parents. Though this may all seem warm and fuzzy to the ear, my own journey of discovering Christ is not what you may expect.
Facing Reality
Like everyone else, I was a typical teenager who listened to all kinds of music. I became just a Sunday Catholic, and felt that Jesus must be after all very busy and may not be interested in me all that much.
Born on the 1st of January 1995, one reality that stared me in the face regularly was that I was an adopted child, who was taken in by my current parents at the age of four months. My birth mother was unwed. She gave me up for adoption to the Missionaries of Charity when I was just a nineteen-day old baby. The Sisters looked after me with immense love and care. One month after I was taken home, they informed my mother that Mother Theresa was visiting them. Taking me to see her, my mother recalls how instantly Mother Theresa took me in her arms and exclaimed, “You have a happy baby.” From then on I stopped crying continuously. From then on the bonding with my parents began.
But, as I grew up, I sensed that there was a void in my heart, a feeling of being rejected and one of unforgiveness in my heart, directed towards my birth mother. I would be pre-occupied with thoughts of not knowing who she was, and would often have outbursts of frustration at home. I simply wanted to leave the house. When in school, there were many instances when I would come home complaining that I had no friends, but, after attending parent-teacher meetings, my mother understood that it was not so. The feeling of unwantedness and rejection had taken root in my life and I would often feel hurt over remarks and actions of fellow-students.
My father and mother prayed for me every night. As a baby, my mother would sing me to sleep with hymns. She would tell me, “Jesus has carved you on the palm of his hand; even though a mother may forget her baby, He will not forget you.” Listening to this, I would drift into a peaceful sleep. Whenever I questioned her as to whether I came from her stomach, she would tell me the truth, “No. You are a gift to us from God. You have your birth mother, for whom we pray and thank God. Because of her, we are parents. We took you from an ashram, and we love you.” Even though I never really understood its literal meaning then, these statements stayed with me.
Encountering Jesus
In the twelfth grade, my ordinary life came to a standstill when I accompanied my friend to a retreat. “It’s no big deal, just another retreat,” I thought to myself. But, to my horror, it was going to be a silent weekend of prayer with Jesus, something that was alien to me. The first one and half days were harrowing, and I thought of leaving, but soon came the challenging part. They asked us to forgive. I cried my eyes out that night (God, enable me to forgive my birth mother and come to terms with the fact that she may be happy right now, with a family of her own).
God definitely had a special plan for my life. More than just surviving, he wanted me to taste his personal love for me. Along with receiving the grace to forgive, I was even blessed with the grace to resist listening to certain music artists whose lyrics and compositions were satanic, especially those who had sold their souls to the devil. I deleted all those songs from my phone.
My obedience to God paid off at this retreat. I was blessed with the gift of faith in Jesus, along with the gift of tongues, which to date has not died off. I believed that God could speak to me when I listened to him in silence. After the retreat, a heavy load has been lifted off my chest. Post this phase I also came to realize that I had actually received physical healing. My right ear, which had given me pain every time it oozed with puss whenever I had a cold, was miraculously healed. After the retreat I never experienced pain again during a cold, something which I’d suffered for nineteen years. I also learnt that Jesus allows certain problems and deformities in life, because he is saying something. He just wants to communicate that we depend on Him more and more.
Falling once again
As the years passed, though I never lost my gift of faith in Christ, my prayer life took a hit. I went back to my old ways and often pretended to be oblivious of what Jesus wanted from me. I completed graduation, but at the same time I received warnings that I wasn’t praying enough.
After my graduation, I did a post-graduate diploma in Journalism. I was very keen on trying Television, but was unsure of whether Print was better to start off with. You always need God’s guidance eventually.
At that time a young girl, a few years younger than me but very close to me, got pregnant as a teenager before marriage, an incident which brought me to my knees. Here again I questioned God, as I tried to find solutions. For me, abortion is not an option. My birth mother chose to give me life and did not take the option of abortion. I am grateful for that tough decision. Jesus helped me cope with that situation, as the girl later went on to have the child and got married.
Before taking up a job, I went for the World Youth Day in Poland and got the opportunity of meeting a number of young people. With some, I got the chance to share what God had done for me. Later they too went on to become close friends of mine. That pilgrimage brought me closer to God. When I returned, thoughts of “what next,” pre-occupied my mind, and once again I decided to go for a retreat on my own. This time it was a healing and deliverance retreat held in Mumbai.
I experienced the forgiving and healing love of Jesus, who also gave me another chance asking me to obey him. He reassured me with the words in Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you ….plans for your welfare and for your future.” I had clarity about certain decisions I had to take. Many blessings followed thereafter.
I got a call from a very well-known TV channel and took the experience I needed. Then I got a job as a journalist in my current workplace, a newspaper. Jesus guided me towards print media, where I felt him saying, “In good time I will grant you all your heart’s desires.” I continue to look to Jesus for guidance and help. Even at my work place my newspaper carried a full page story on my adoption. Sure enough, he continues to use me for his kingdom. I see his hand in my life.
Picking myself up and letting go
I truly appreciate the fact that my parents told me about my adoption, and were open with me right from the start. Often adoptive parents don’t like to tell their children the truth, which leaves them with an emotional turmoil when they get to know the truth from others. Jesus works in ways you can’t understand, especially in areas where you hurt the most. He’s there and all he wants is your attention. The day I forgave my biological mother, I think I took a giant leap of faith in my life. I took one step towards him and from that day he has taken more than a hundred jumps towards me. Forgiving, though I cannot forget, is one thing that helped me pick myself up. I’d love to meet my birth mother and father and know how they are doing – if God wills, of course. I know I am not perfect, but every time I beg for forgiveness, I receive God’s love, and He works in my life.
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