Thousands of inspirational speeches have been delivered at commencement (convocation) ceremonies to motivate college graduates. One such speech was by David Foster Wallace in 2005 at Kenyon College, Ohio. In his only public speech, he challenged the young minds, “Move away from thinking that you are the ‘absolute centre of the universe’. Somehow, this belief is our default setting, it’s hard-wired into our boards at birth!” He added, “Twenty years after my own graduation, I have come gradually to understand that learning how to think really means how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Life is about being more compassionate.”
He continued with these FOUR words of wisdom:
- If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough.
- Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.
- Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear.
- Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out.
Temptation to be Mean
We live in a highly competitive world. Our need to survive can at times, induce us to outdo the other at all costs. Malicious behaviour catches the eye faster than a meritorious one. Media rewards mean people with extra coverage. The suicide bomber, the murderer, the drug baron, the serial killer always gets the greatest attention. The silent compassionate good Samaritan is left out of the picture.
Lack of social skills, poor communication, pleasure-seeking attention, psychological disturbances, the need to dominate and control, highly reactive behaviours and poor self-image can often be the triggers that make a person become mean. When we choose to be mean, we lash out litanies of insults and unwarranted abusive language. Our inner landscape when filled with rage and anger overflows to an outer landscape making life miserable for ourselves and for others. Mean people are unhappy people. They blame God, society and the world for their pathetic state of life.
You can rescript your response to mean persons. You don’t have to be mean too. A quote I once read says it beautifully, “When someone is mean, don’t listen. When someone is rude, walk away. When someone tries to put you down, stay firm. Don’t let someone’s bad behaviour destroy your inner peace!” Mean people are hurting people because somewhere in the narrative of their lives, they have been hurt and abused by family and friends. Donald L. Hicks, author of Look into the Stillness, rightly says, “When someone would mistreat, misinform, misuse, misguide, mishandle, mislead…or any other ‘mis’…to others, they’re obviously missing something from their lives.” Just because some peoples’ lives are so fuelled with sad drama, you don’t have to give yourself permission to attend their performance. You don’t have to give yourself the right to hurt in return. Let their hurt stop with you. Redirect the compass of your life and make the choice to be meaningful rather than mean.
Meaningful Living
We all have the power within us to live our lives meaningfully. We can transcend the animal-world instinct of survival and hurting self and others. Life is never a challenge-free-journey. Joshua Marine rightly said, “Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” We walk through the corridors of this world but once. We can leave footprints of love and a legacy of purpose. How and where can I begin to live my life meaningfully? The questions we ask ourselves can be the first step in this direction.
- Who am I really below my skin? Get to know and face your true inner self. Your inner landscape cannot be hidden. When the mask you hide behind one day suddenly falls apart, would it surprise those around you? Let life’s experiences and lessons transform you from within. This is your ‘soul space’ and it will never betray you. We all nurture within this soul-space the person we always will be.
- What are the ‘defining moments’ in my life? There comes in everyone’s life a defining moment when things change forever. How do I navigate through the events, experiences and people I come across? Does the ‘spiritual’ define my life choices? When the ‘spiritual’ intervenes in the ‘physical and social’ spaces of my life, my life can take on a higher meaning and purpose. Without the spiritual, we can only live small defragmenting moments. God cannot be left out of the story of your life. To do so, would only end your story tragically.
- Am I living a ‘message-less life’? We all have a story to narrate, a song to sing, a quote to utter. My life cannot be a message-less one. Every action and every step are silent words people listen to. Meaningful lives are always inspiring ones We cannot go to the grave without a message for the world. Our voice needs to be heard and our life needs to inspire. The world’s story book has sufficient space to add our meaningful contribution. Leaving the world with just a blank page is no excuse at all.
- What enslaves me? We become what we surround ourselves with. When we surround ourselves with hurting people, we entrap ourselves with hatred, anger, frustration, pain and violence. Somehow, their personality gets below our skin and we begin to act and live like them. It takes courage to brake the bonds that enslave me with negativity and becoming a mean person. Taylor Smith sang it so well in the Song ‘Mean’ with these words:
I bet you got pushed around,
Somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now
‘Cause you can’t lead me down that road…
You have to power to free yourself. You don’t have to be mean because they have been mean to you.
- Is my life ‘love-filled’? A meaningful life is always love-filled. When there is a scarcity of love, selfishness takes over and one’s life becomes a mean and hurting journey. Love never hurts, destroys or violates the other. Love builds, heals and purifies every intention and action. When your heart space is truly love-filled, you become an image of God. God is love, and you begin to radiate that Divine spark around. Earth becomes heaven and your presence brings life, light, faith, unity, gain, joy and health.
Lent: Move from Mean to Meaningful
Lent is about inner conversion, a change of heart that finds its expression in living meaningfully. Jesus was surrounded by a lot of mean people. He could have allowed their ‘mean-ness’ to flow into Him. But, he refused. I have often heard this sad remark, “You religious are so mean. You are so heartless and unkind!” How sad! In our apostolate, we too may be surrounded by a lot of ‘mean’ people, but this is no licence for us to become like them. Following just a ‘dietary penance’ in Lent will only help us shed a few unwanted pounds. Instead, we can move from “mean” to “meaningful.” We are not called to ‘return to dust’, but to become ‘images of the divine.’ What would be more meaningful than that?
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