“For the Lord your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from you, if you return to Him” (2Corinthians 30:9b)
I had a very bitter childhood. The arguments and fights at home between my parents were so intense that all the frustration was poured out on me and my brother. I had many times questioned God saying, “Why was I born in this family?”
On the other hand, my mom was truly an inspiration for me in knowing and loving Jesus. No matter what the state was at home, we always prayed the family rosary, which has miraculously kept me and my family united in the Lord. Yet there were constant fights and peaceless situations at home.
In studies, I wasn’t as smart as my brother and was compared with him often by my family members. This developed a strong ‘good for nothing’ feeling in me. I I felt rejected and unloved, faced many humiliations wherever I went. I couldn’t even do my best in my board exams.
When I got exposed to certain unholy videos during my junior college days, I began to find pleasure and satisfy my emotional needs with them involving myself in self-abuse, which later became a kind of addiction for me. I got into things that were destroying my soul, my behavior at home began to get worse. I was more aggressive, disrespectful and almost hated life itself. With all these negative emotions welling up in me, my heart was searching for Love. Observing my intolerable behavior at home, my mom forced me to attend a retreat at Tabor Ashram in Mumbai. In the first retreat, God touched my conscience and opened my eyes to see the filth I was in.
I also received the gift of forgiveness towards my parents. This happened when the Word of God was broken to me. Reconciling with my parents, I began a new life in Christ, a purposeful one. Yet it was hard for me to give up on the addictions I was into. I was fearful and ashamed to even confess that grave sin at holy confession. Yet God was patient with me. (2 Peter 3:9)
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