A married man shares with us how he found peace and strength as his sister and his wife faced cancer, and when his daughter’s marriage is on the rocks.
Life lessons can be learned in a variety of ways. Sometimes they come from the wisdom of an older family member, teacher or priest. Sometimes they come as the consequence of having worked hard to achieve success, and the struggle was rewarded. At other times, we learn life lessons through our hardships and sorrows. I recently received a text from one of my younger sisters who just last year underwent treatment for an aggressive cancer. She informed me that in her follow-up visit to the doctor, he had discovered a new mass on one of her internal organs. Her note, which seemed unusually peaceful under the circumstances, asked for prayers and expressed concern not for her own health but for how the news might impact her husband and their three daughters. Fighting through my own tears, I offered her my prayers and began to struggle with how I could possibly help her deal with the potentially tragic news. Words like “never lose hope”, “it’s going to be OK” or even “we will keep you in our prayers” seemed so inadequate.
The next day, as I offered prayers and my daily Mass intention for her, I continued to reflect on what counsel an older brother might give in such a time of doubt, fear and suffering. I am deeply grateful that the Holy Spirit quickly gave me an answer. In prayer after Holy Communion I found myself reminded of some advice I myself had received several years ago from a Catholic priest in Ireland where I was scheduled to deliver a talk to a large group. Crystal was supposed to have been giving the talk with me but had needed to stay home to maintain a vigil over her gravely ill mother, a woman I too loved with all my heart. It was just before I was scheduled to speak that the priest, who was aware of my suffering, approached me and offered to pray with me. With great confidence, he encouraged me to “live in the present moment.” He encouraged me to trust that I was where God wanted me to be at that moment and that by focusing on being there in that parish church I would be deeply blessed. As I listened intently to his words I could feel the anguish leave me as if my heart had finally just left Chicago and arrived back to me in that little Irish town. I made it through the whole presentation with my voice cracking only slightly as I had to explain Crystal’s absence. But beyond just getting through it, I also noticed an overwhelming sense of the goodness of what God was doing in the Apostolate I was speaking about and was overcome with an appreciation of the beauty of those gathered that day to be drawn closer to Christ.
A Most Valuable Lesson
The lesson that I learned that day has truly been one of the most valuable of my life. The notion of living in the present moment is a powerful one and a blessed one. That day I began to realize that by being present to where I find myself at any given time, I can let go of the pain and suffering of something that has happened in the past as well as be relieved of the fear and doubt for the future. The call to live in the present moment allows me to focus more clearly on and appreciate the blessings that I have, to see God’s abundant love for me every minute of my day!
As I continued to ponder my sister’s struggle, I also recalled a conversation that I had recently with a friend whose wife was battling cancer. I had related to him that, as strange as it sounded, walking with Crystal through her bout with cancer was one of the most blessed times of my life. I almost felt guilty saying that, but it was true. It was during that time that I came to appreciate the gift of each day. While Crystal’s prognosis is good, it was a wake up call to remember the precious gift of each day we have together.
A Transforming Moment
The discovery of the power and grace of living in the present moment doesn’t mean we will be free from pain, suffering or fear. There will always be times when we are painfully aware of the myriad hardships of life, whether our own or someone else’s. However, as the skills of “living in the present” strengthen, hardship can offer transformative insights. As an example, I recall a time during Crystal’s cancer battle when we sat together in the hospital treatment room. Crystal was reading a book, her head covered with a scarf over her because of her lack of hair caused by the toxic chemicals dripping into her bloodstream. As I gazed upon her I could not help but be drawn into the pain and suffering she had been going through in struggling with her disease and the uncertainty it created for our future. It was at the very moment that the sympathetic tears began to well up in me that Crystal looked up from her book and gave me one of her cute little smiles. Immediately my thoughts were drawn to her special beauty and tender heart. For the rest of our time in that room my heart was filled with awe and wonder at how well she was handling things. For the first time I finally understood what the words grace and dignity were all about. In the presence of this magnificent image of a suffering servant my heart was drawn ever closer to her. I will always cherish that moment as I will always cherish her.
The practical person in me would caution that one shouldn’t put too much stock in living in the present moment lest one forget the lessons of past suffering or not adequately prepare for what is to come. However, the recent arrival of our daughter and her three young children into our home as a result of a pending divorce has reminded me of Christ’s own admonition in Matthew 18:3 “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” I see these blessed little grandchildren in their near constant joy of having an on-going sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Sure, they are innocent and don’t comprehend the pain and suffering of a broken family, yet their ability to see only the joy of their time with us doesn’t seem like it would give them enough time to be sad. Likewise, the unabashed joy of a little eighteen-month-old toddler racing toward me with an ear-to-ear smile doesn’t leave me with a whole lot of time to worry about the future either. So, at this present moment, I will close with a request of prayers for my precious sister, our daughter and grandchildren. I promise to pray that each of you will be open to all of the love God has for you this day.
| “Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.” (St. Francis de Sales) |
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