Caroline is in her third year of married life. In the three last years, she became a wife, a daughter-in-law and a mother. She also started working outside at the end of her maternity leave. She says: “My in-laws expect lot from me. I feel that they always see me as incompetent. My cooking is just average, the house isn’t as tidy as it should be. It seems that I don’t even care for my baby properly… My husband never seems to understand how hard it is for me to handle the home and the job. I just wish he could help me more, take a stand for me now and then, and appreciate what I do a little more.”
Fr. Paul was ordained six months ago, and sent to help in a big parish. He is full of energy, has plenty of ideas and is eager to reach out to people. The parish priest, Fr Henry, is kind and takes care of him. However, after the first month, he tells Fr Paul: “Our parishioners are attached to tradition. Please don’t try new things in the liturgy. And listen more during the Parish councils.” Fr. Paul feels disillusioned. He says: “I tried to gather young people, to organize a choir, but Fr Henry doesn’t seem to care much… He even seems unhappy when parishioners approach me.”
Caroline and Fr. Paul’s stories summarize some of the challenges young people have faced and shared with me regarding their family life or relationships at work.
Let’s pick up the main areas of struggle:
- others’ expectations
- feeling incompetent
- longing for appreciation
- feeling overwhelmed
- resistance to change or to try new ways
- feeling silenced, voiceless
- lack of support
- resentment or jealousy of seniors/others when we accomplish something noteworthy or good
What could possibly help us grow to be ourselves in our home or religious community? What we first need to work at is building our self-respect. Here are steps that help us build self-respect.
Seven Tips
- Hold yourself well, with dignity. Dressing neatly and having good hygiene sends across the message that we respect ourselves and thus deserve respect.
- Strive to be courteous, keeping a dignified language. Filthy or abusive language tarnishes first of all the image of the speaker.
- Make your own choices and decisions. Determine what your core values are and stick to them. Being always a ‘follower’ does not inspire much respect.
- Don’t procrastinate. When you set your mind on doing something, don’t wait forever. People respect action.
- Develop your mind. Notice events happening around you and in the world. Learn new things. Read.
- Be optimistic and behave with confidence. A simple tip: Keep your chin slightly upward. Psychologists say that it sends across the message of self-confidence and commands respect or attention.
- Admit your mistakes and apologize when you hurt people.
A Big Eighth Help
Ummm, I can hear you say: “Yea, Sister, these tips are nice on paper, but you don’t know what kind of superior/ parish priest/in-laws/spouse/boss I have!”
That’s true! So, here’s my last tip.
When some people seem determined to keep you down: Look into God’s eyes. Learn your self-worth from Him. The Bible—which is God’s own powerful Word—has strong and tender passages that build us up. “You knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for the wonder of my being.” (Psalm 139: 13-15). Or: “I know the plans I have for you—plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29: 11). When you tend to fill your head with worry, this is what God tells you: “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God…Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Luke 12: 6-7).
If God has such wonderful plans for you, and carries you in His heart, don’t you think you (and everyone else) are precious and well-made?
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