How a married woman finds strength for her life and ministry from the way Jesus treated the apostles.
“When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. Jesus said to them, “Children, have you caught anything to eat?” They answered Him, “No.” So He said to them, ”Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something.” So they cast it and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish. So the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he tucked in his garment for he was lightly clad and jumped into the sea… When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these? He said to Him, “Yes Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” (John 21: 4-7, 15)
For the last several years, I have made it a daily practice to wake early in the morning when the house is still quiet and spend time reading Scripture and praying. On the advice of my spiritual director, I have started keeping a prayer journal where I record the most significant things that are on my mind and heart and what I believe God is trying to teach me. As I look back over the last three years, I have noticed a clear pattern of God inviting me to greater trust in His providence and greater humility. It is as if God is trying to tell me that I am His child, to rest in His love and to stop worrying about those things over which I have no control. One of my daily prayers is asking him to teach me to be simple like a child, satisfied with knowing His will in the present moment.
For this reason, when I recently stumbled upon the gospel reading from John 21, my heart was stirred. In this reading, the resurrected Jesus is on the shore watching Peter and some of the other disciples fishing without any success. He calls to them, “Children, have you caught anything?” I wonder how these rough and capable fishermen felt about being called children.
In today’s world, we are encouraged and praised for being mature adults, and being child-like is often frowned upon. Yet when I apply Jesus’ words to my own life, I immediately realize that no matter how capable I might think I am, how self-reliant I want to be in my decision making, to Jesus I am but a child. I realize with a smile how my young grandchildren offer to “help” and though they are full of good intentions and unwarranted self-confidence, their limited skills often make the work twice as difficult and take twice as long to complete. I imagine this is how Jesus feels when I muddle through some project or decision without consulting Him, thinking I have all the skills and knowledge I need to get the job done. It is as if he has a gentle smile on His face asking me, “Child, have you caught anything?” seeing me spinning my wheels without success. That is when I try to remember that I am not expected to understand the failures (or even the successes) which occur in our ministries or our family life. Jesus wants me to listen to His advice and cast my nets as He directs me. Often I think I know exactly what I should do to be successful, just like the disciples might have felt as experienced fishermen being told by Jesus where to cast their nets. If I try to do things my own way, without looking to Jesus for guidance, I will come up as empty as the disciples did that day on the boat. But knowing that the Lord’s ways are not my ways, I try to remember that He has greater wisdom and I need to trust Him.
The other aspect of the gospel verse that really struck me is the enthusiasm that Peter showed once he realized it was the Lord who was speaking to him. The passage says he tucked in his garment and jumped into the sea. He was willing to get soaked and bedraggled (dare I say looking a little ridiculous) in order to get closer to Jesus. This has me looking at my own response to having Jesus in my life and I worry that I have lost some of my early enthusiasm for evangelization. I remember early on in my faith journey, shortly after my conversion, that I wanted to talk to everyone about my discovery of faith. I prayed earnestly to God to tell me what He wanted of me and I would gladly follow in His footsteps. Every opportunity to spread the word about the intercession of Our Blessed Mother or the Marriage Encounter ministry was the most exciting thing I could think of doing. I was so eager to prove my love to Jesus by feeding His lambs. Now here I am, twenty-five years later, and ponder if it is as important to me as it was in the early years. When I don’t have the same joy as Peter does in seeing the Lord, I must question whether I am becoming selfish and lukewarm in my faith. When the joy of ministering to others is missing and all I see is the work and what I am giving up, I need to remember that the greatest joy of my life is living as a child of God.
There have certainly been times when despite my best efforts, it seems like nothing is changing for the better. Worldly standards of success, such as low participation in marriage programs, or couples who simply go through the motions in order to get their certificate in preparation for their marriage, can be emotionally draining. At times, tiredness and frustration set in, and it is tempting for me to want to tell the Lord that I have done enough. But when I try to imagine telling Him that to His face, I realize that I am only giving a small part of what He has given me. If I ask Him how to love Him, He will keep saying the same thing… “My little child, I am not asking you to perform miracles. That is something only I can do. I simply need you to feed my lambs.”
Everyone in ministry understands that there are immense challenges in spreading the Good News. However, with the right attitude, the challenges can be exciting. My dear husband Kevin is very good at creatively finding new opportunities to evangelize, whether it is through promotion of our local Catholic radio station or writing reflections for our church bulletin. He has the gift of remaining enthusiastic about his faith and generously sharing it with others. With him by my side, these opportunities to share our love for each other and the Lord become a joy. As a result, we have been blessed to witness conversions in marriages and in relationships with God. Knowing that we were a small part of these conversions is exciting but it can only occur when I allow Jesus to work through me and to give myself up to His requests without thinking of the cost. I then become His child, put my hand in His, and just let Him take me to the little lambs that need His love.
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