Tips For The Young

In our Wholeness Paradigm for Religious Life, we mentioned that each of the six dimensions have their highest manifestation, that is, the most important quality that a person must practice to show that he or she is adept at that dimension. Consequently, we saw that the highest manifestation of the physical dimension is Consistency and the same for cognitive dimension is Perspective Taking. In our previous issues we had hinted that holistic religious are those who practice consistency in their personal life and perspective taking in their intellectual interactions.

Here in this issue, I present before you the highest manifestation and the most significant quality of the emotional dimension, which is Compassion. This quality is the pinnacle of all human emotions. If we were to form a pyramid with all emotions placed one top of the other, we can be sure that compassion would be at the summit. All great religious leaders and national heroes have reiterated the significance of this marvellous human quality. Dalai Lama would often affirm, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”  Compassion is the hallmark of all great people and the defining quality of those who profess to live for others. Lao Tzu remarked, “I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.” Mother Teresa would use such effusive words as this; The fruit of love is service, which is compassion in action.” Dr. Abdul Kalam considered it to be the hallmark of all great men and women, when he said, “Great teachers emanate out of knowledge, passion and compassion.” In fact, we might add that the very purpose of human living is to show compassion to those in need.

Fr. Dr. Joseph Jeyaraj, sdb

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FOCUS: Religious life has a focus.  Superiors are guardians and guarantors of that focus. Religious life is a radical following of Jesus Christ.  This is true also of priestly life.  We become religious and priests in order to follow the lifestyle (chaste, poor, obedient) and mission (establishment of the Kingdom) of Jesus Christ.  Therefore, the religious superior is to personally strive to become Christ-like and act as a help for others to become more and more like Christ.  To be Christ-like is not something exotic or unusual.  It is to be a good human being, to be a person of simplicity and integrity, to be person of joy and hope.  The striving to be Christ-like is to be the chief priority of religious and priests.  The superior and the community make their own the following prayer of St Nicholas of Flue, a mystic and ascetic of Switzerland: “My Lord and my God, take from me everything that distances me from you; give me everything that brings me closer to you; detach me from myself to give my all to you.”

CONTACT WITH GOD: We cannot advance in becoming like Christ without continuous contact with God.  Therefore, superiors ensure that the community has sufficient time and opportunity for prayer.  When there are many things to be done, prayer time does not become the first thing to be sacrificed.  St Francis de Sales used to say: “Everyone of us needs half an hour of prayer each day, except when we are busy – then we need an hour.”

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Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB

WHO I BECOME:

The main decision in life is not about which group to join (priesthood, religious life, marriage, etc.), or which profession to enter, but about the kind of person I want to become:

A friend once told me: “You are busy with many things. Is that what is most important for you? Do you think of the kind of person you want to become by the time you die? Isn’t that the most important thing in life?”

It certainly is.

I can be a saint or a crook in any setting. There is nothing great or wonderful about just being a priest or religious or lay professional. What really matters is: What kind of a person do I want to be? Do I give this all-important central question due time and attention?

Who I become matters much more than what I do, which group I belong to, or what titles I accumulate.

A layman I admire greatly was told by a friend of many years: “I have been observing you for years. Whenever I praised you for something, you always gave the credit to someone else. What if I tell you: You are the finest human being I have ever come across?”

Wouldn’t it be great if such a compliment could be sincerely given to us?

MOST BASIC CHOICE:

This central decision involves a basic choice: to love or not to love.

The kind of person I want to become depends mostly on cultivating a basic attitude: to be loving and to be selfish—to truly care for others, or to make use of people for my selfish ends.

As a friend once told me when I was busy writing: “At the end of your life God will not ask you how many books you wrote, but how much you loved!”

In fact, what makes a vocational choice—e.g., to become a religious or a priest or doctor or teacher—good is whether it is taken out of love. Am I here to love and serve people, to respond to God’s love, or to have a self-centred or fear-centred life?

Those who choose celibacy need to remember: Love is a must; celibacy is not. Being loving is more important than holding special titles (Bishop, Father, Sister, etc.).

Fr Pascual Chavez SDB, former superior general of the Salesians, used to remind his communities, “Perseverance is not the same as fidelity.” That is: Just staying in is not an achievement. If all I do is to stay in a marriage or a religious order or priesthood, that is nothing meaningful. If I am becoming a more loving person in this setting, great!

RESPONSIBILITY FOR HAPPINESS:

Becoming a happy person is my personal responsibility.

No setting can make me happy. I can be happy or unhappy in any place or profession.

Neither marriage, nor celibacy, nor the priesthood, nor belonging to any particular group will make a person happy. Others can do things for me, can make my life easier or harder, but they cannot give me something called happiness.

Sheila, a young working woman, suffers from painful health problems, financial constraints and unloving treatment in her marriage. Yet she says: “I have decided to be happy.” She realizes that it is not in her power to change her husband’s character or several other conditions in her work and family. But it is in her control to decide whether to let external circumstances make her unhappy or not.

Do I take responsibility for my happiness? Or, am I waiting for others to make me happy?

Am I generally a happy person—or am I waiting for some special occasion to be happy?

When I find I am not happy, do I take steps to come out of it and find my path to happiness?

 FORMING MYSELF:

I form myself. Others can help me, but they cannot form me. They can influence me; they cannot make me a good or bad person

A priest I had taught in the seminary said this about formation: “Father, already when I was in the seminary, I was convinced that you superiors cannot form us; we form ourselves.”

So true. The main agent of formation is the person in formation. This is true in a family or seminary or convent. Others can tell us good things, correct us, guide us; but no one can make me good.

I form myself into the kind of person I want to become through the choices I make.

Just because my parents are good, does not mean that I will be good. Just because someone’s father was a drunkard does not mean that the sons will be drunkards.

Every human being retains the inner freedom to make choices, to become the person one really wants to become. This is the mystery of the human heart.

HELP FROM OTHERS:

In forming myself, I am helped by others

God places many persons on our path, all through life, right from our conception and birth to the time we die. We owe much to many.

Of these, our family is the first and probably the most influential. Much of our formation is over by the time we come to the seminary or the novitiate or college. Our deeper traits are picked up at home—honesty, sense of God, compassion towards the poor, sense of justice, humour, respect for people, the dignity of women, …

After our family, come our close friends. Those we are closest to, influence our values. If my closest friends are persons of integrity, it says much about me and about what I seek. If they are gossips, I too will tend to gossip more easily.

Thirdly (and only thirdly!), we are influenced by our religious order or seminary or college and similar structured helps we receive: talks, books, retreats, community prayers, life of the founder/foundress, etc.

Fourthly, other people and events: can influence us—even a stranger in a bus, or someone we read about.

There are so many teachers around us the whole time. Every day. In every place. Helps are available in plenty—if I am open to receiving.

What I do with what others offer, is the main thing. And that, once again, is my choice.

EAGLE OR DUCK?

Eagles fly alone; ducks in flocks!

If all I want is to float and say “Quack! Quack!” I will have plenty of company.

If I simply follow the majority—gossiping or being biased, doing the minimum, or telling lies, repeating others’ words rather than thinking for myself—I will be surrounded by crowds of other mediocrities. The majority are mediocre, passive, easily manipulated.

If, instead, I want to follow worthwhile dreams, make a difference, and do something meaningful with my life, I need to face aloneness. Heroes and saints are not mass-produced! A heart-felt passion—not the crowds—will light up my life.

Changes are never brought about by the majority. Great things are achieved by committed individuals and small groups.

The ancient Greeks used to put it this way: “A thousand mediocre geometers will not make one Euclid.”

Do I want to strive for the stars or wallow in mud?

Do I want to discover the best that lies hidden in me and in others, and construct something beautiful—or sit down and grumble?

What difference will my life make?

What will I do today that will make the world around more beautiful and more human?

Do I want to fly, or just float?

-Jeff T. Manning

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