Tips For Superiors

Mother Teresa was one of the eminent guests at the Fortieth Anniversary Celebrations of the UN on 26 October 1985.  The UN Secretary General, Javier Pérez de Cuéllar, presented her to all those attending the ceremony saying that she is “truly the most powerful woman on earth.”  To his words of esteem and appreciation Mother Teresa responded by showing her rosary and saying, “I am just a poor nun who prays.  By praying, Jesus puts his love in my heart and I go to give it to all the poor I meet on my way.”

            Pope Francis says that “Prayer is the breath of faith.”  Like breath which keeps us alive, prayer keeps our faith alive.  Faith is the virtue by which we believe in God, in all what God has revealed to us and in all what the Church proposes for our belief (CCC 1814). Faith is that which relates us to God.  Prayer keeps this relationship alive.  If there is no prayer, our relationship with God will die, and we will not be related to God.  That is why prayer is very important.

1. What is Prayer?

            St Teresa of Avila, a great teacher of prayer says that prayer is “an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us.”  Prayer is spending time with our loving God and sharing with Him.  When we spend time and share with someone we enter into a relationship with that person.  So, prayer is entering into a relationship with God.  What do we do in sharing with God and spending time with God?  We do mainly these things: adoration, praise, thanksgiving, asking forgiveness, petition, intercession, and silent presence.

1. Prayer of adoration: In this we acknowledge and acclaim the love, goodness, greatness, immensity, omnipotence and holiness of God in whose presence we feel insignificant and small; and we surrender to God.
2. Prayer of praise: In this we spontaneously express our delight in God and the joy (rejoicing) in our hearts. We praise God because he exists, is good, loving, merciful.

• Prayer of thanksgiving: In this we express gratitude to God who is the giver of everything that we have. Paul asks: “What have you that you did not receive?” (1 Cor 4:7).  There is nothing which we have not received.  Everything that we have is a gift from God.  So, we thank God for everything.

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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“Politics is necessary!” said Pope Francis in his address to the leaders present at the G7 Summit at Borgo Egnazia, Italy on 14 June 2024.  It is necessary for creating universal fraternity and social peace.  Therefore, we need to encourage and support the lay people in fulfilling their political responsibility.

Lay People and Politics

            The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) teaches that “It is not the role of the Pastors of the Church to intervene directly in the political structuring and organization of social life. This task is part of the vocation of the lay faithful, acting on their own initiative with their fellow citizens” (n. 2442).  Pope Benedict XVI says that “The direct duty to work for a just ordering of society, … is proper to the lay faithful. As citizens of the State, they are called to take part in public life in a personal capacity. So they cannot relinquish their participation ‘in the many different economic, social, legislative, administrative and cultural areas, which are intended to promote organically and institutionally the common good’.” (Deus Caritas Est, n. 29).

            We cannot say that we do not want to participate in politics or that we do not want to be involved in politics.  This is because politics in its most fundamental sense refers to the activity of a group of people discerning together the course of action to be taken to promote the common good. We cannot survive and achieve a truly human life all alone.  We need others, a group, a community to survive and to grow.  And in such a group we cannot only be receivers.  We have to be also givers.  This puts on us the obligation to make our specific contribution to the group, which will have a bearing on the good of all, on the common good.  This is why the CCC says, “It is necessary that all participate, each according to his position and role, in promoting the common good” (n. 1913).  Pope Francis states, “Not one of us can say: this doesn’t affect me, they are the ones who govern. No, I too am responsible for the way they govern and I must do what I can to help them govern well, by participating in politics when I can. Politics, according to the Social Doctrine of the Church, is one of the highest forms of charity, because it serves the common good.” (Homily during the Holy Mass at Santa Marta, 16-09-2013).

JOSE KUTTIANIMATTATHIL, SDB

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In the recently held general elections in India I know of a community of eight religious of whom only three, that is 37.5%, exercised their right to vote. The overall voter turnout in India was 66.33%.  This election was considered by many as being crucially important for democracy in India.  And yet some of us chose not to fulfil our duty!

Participation in Politics – A Moral Obligation

            Human beings are born into a small group called a family.  To live, develop and attain their fulfilment they organize themselves into bigger groups.  That these groups may function smoothly they make laws for themselves according to which they live and act.  These laws also determine who will have authority and govern them.  Politics, in the broad sense, is the activity or process through which people make, preserve and modify the general rules under which they live to attain their maximum fulfilment. Since no human being can live and develop alone, and all need a group at least with minimum laws and organization, Aristotle, the Greek philosopher says that human being “is a political animal.”  Politics can also be described as “the art of government” or as “the set of activities that are associated with making decisions in groups, or other forms of power relations among individuals, such as the distribution of resources or status.”

            Since politics aims at the development, fulfilment and happiness of all human beings and the enhancement of the quality of their life, it exists for the common good.  The common good refers to “the sum total of social conditions which allow people, either as groups or as individuals, to reach their fulfilment more fully and more easily.” (Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church, n. 164). Pope Francis affirms that “Politics, though often denigrated, remains a lofty vocation and one of the highest forms of charity, inasmuch as it seeks the common good” (Evangelii Gaudium, n. 205).

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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The unexpected result of the recent elections in India is the fruit of the hard work of numerous persons in the field and the relentless power of prayer of many.  One sister told me: “From the day the election dates were announced I have been keeping vigil regularly till midnight.”  In order that our country may remain a vibrant democracy it is important that we continue both to be active in the field and to pray.

Need for Constant Prayer for the Country

            St. Paul invites us to pray for our country and its leaders: “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way” (1 Tim 2:1-2).  The Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us that praying for the country is an obligation that derives from the fourth commandment (CCC 2238-2240).

            In her apparition at Fatima on 13 July 1917 to Francis, Jacinta and Lucy Our Lady asked that Russia be consecrated to her Immaculate Heart so that people would enjoy peace.  Through Blessed Alexandrina da Costa, in July 1935 Jesus asked that the entire world be consecrated to the Immaculate Heart of Mary so that the world would be spared of calamities and wars and enjoy peace and prosperity.  These requests of Our Lady and Jesus show that we need to continue to pray entrusting the countries and the world to the Immaculate Heart so that peace and justice may reign everywhere.  Mary Assumed into Heaven is the patroness of India and India was entrusted to the Immaculate Heart of Mary on 25 March 2020.

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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Venerable Mamma Margaret was the mother of St. John Bosco, popularly known as Don Bosco.  After the death of her husband, she had a tough time bringing up her stepson Anthony and her own two sons, John (later Don Bosco) and Joseph.  Anthony was hot-tempered and John was stubborn.  Anthony wanted John to work on the farm and John wanted to study.  There would be heated arguments and fights between them.  Wise and patient as she was, she would give them time to cool down.  At the end of the day when the ‘Our Father’ would be prayed during the family prayer, Mamma Margaret would stop Anthony and tell him not to say the words, “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  In the dialogue that would inevitably follow she would ask him how he expected the Lord to forgive him when he had not forgiven his brothers.  Her words, uttered in a simple and loving way, would usually produce the desired effect with Anthony admitting, “I was wrong.  Forgive me.”

When Don Bosco began his work for the poor youth of Turin, Mamma Margaret left her native place and stayed with him to help him.  Although she was very gentle and patient, she often found it difficult to put up with the thoughtless and irresponsible behaviour of the boys.  One day, tired, very upset and determined to go back to her village she went and complained to Don Bosco: “Your boys are careless and irresponsible.  They throw their clothes around.  They carry away the utensils from the kitchen to use for their amusement.  Playing around they destroy my vegetable garden.  I can’t take it anymore. I want to go back to my village to spend my last days in peace.”

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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It was the end of his term as superior of the community for Fr. Nirmal.  As expected, the provincial gave him a transfer.  But Fr. Nirmal was not ready to accept it.  He felt that if he were to leave, the various projects he had initiated in the place for the development of the poor would be gradually neglected.  Besides, over the years he had established good contact with several donors who he feared might stop or at least reduce their help.  However, the provincial felt that he had to stand by the rules of the Congregation and insisted on the transfer.  Eventually, after a few rounds of dialogue, taking into consideration the concerns of Fr. Tom the provincial offered to appoint a dynamic priest qualified in social work to replace him.  And Fr. Tom, respecting the motives of the provincial and true to his own religious commitment accepted the transfer.

            People follow different styles in dealing with conflicts.  These styles affect the outcome of conflicts.  Being aware of them can be a help provided there is a willingness on our part to resolve/transform a conflict.  Kenneth Wayne Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann have identified five different styles people use when faced with a conflict.  A conflict style is “a patterned response” that people use or the usual way in which people behave in a conflict situation.  These five styles are based on the degree of assertiveness or cooperativeness manifested by a person.  Assertiveness refers to efforts to satisfy one’s own concerns while cooperativeness denotes attempts to meet the concerns of others.   The five conflict styles are i) avoidance, ii) competition, iii) accommodation, iv) compromise, and v) collaboration.   We shall briefly describe each of these styles and their advantages and disadvantages.

Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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Conflicts are part of life.  What is needed, as William Ury, an American anthropologist and negotiation expert says, is not so much to avoid conflicts as to transform them.  To transform is to change the form of the conflict (trans-form) from being destructive to constructive.  Transforming is more active and positive than avoiding or just managing conflicts.  Here we shall explore some ways for doing it.

Principles and Steps for Transforming Conflicts

            The principles and steps given here are taken mostly from the studies of Roger Fisher and William Ury.

            1) Separate the People from the Problem

            Conflicts have a content dimension and a relationship dimension or in other words a problem factor and a people factor.   The problem factor refers to what the conflict is about (goals, objectives, strategies, decisions).  The people factor refers to the desire for esteem, control, and connectedness, and gets expressed in how the two parties view, interact with, and relate to each other and the emotions at play.  Conflicts could be about either one or both factors.  In most cases these factors are intertwined, and it is difficult to separate them.  All the same, it is important to separate these two factors and address them both.

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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“I am not going to transfer the money.”  That is what I heard one of the community members telling the other as they came out of a meeting.  In the meeting, the librarian of the College had said that he was running short of funds to buy new books and insisted that the different department heads should transfer the money that was collected by the departments as library fees to the account of the library.  In the discussion that followed some of the department heads complained that the books that had been bought were of a general nature and were not of much use for their departments.  Further, they argued that the departments themselves were running short of money for their various expenses and so were not in a position to pass on any money.  It was also insinuated that the librarian was not fully dedicated to his work.  After a prolonged discussion during which each one tried to present his position with hardly anyone listening attentively to the other, no solution was reached.  And after the meeting one of the heads stated categorically that he would not transfer the money.

            Conflicts of different kinds and intensity are part of our everyday life.  When they are handled poorly, they rob us of much time and energy, create undue stress, and at times, lead to souring of relationships.  If they are managed properly conflicts could be vehicles of growth.   Let us try to understand conflicts better and how to handle them in constructive ways.

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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Recently in one of the formation communities where I worked there was a change of administrator/bursar.  The old administrator always found it difficult to get volunteers for some work that had to be done.  But the new administrator had no difficulty in finding volunteers in similar circumstances.  What made the difference?  The works were the same.  The formees were the same.  The difference was in the administrator’s approach.

            As superiors there are many occasions when we have to persuade people, e.g. to change a certain type of behaviour (correction), to accept a new idea, to take up a new work.  There are principles of persuasion/influence, popularised by Robert B. Cialdini in his books, Influence: Science and Practice (1984) and Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade (2016) which are widely used in the business world which could be a help also for us.  Here we will present all the seven principles which he enunciates although all of them may not be equally applicable in the community context. 

What is Persuasion?

            Persuasion is the process of influencing or motivating someone to adopt a particular idea, attitude, behaviour, or course of action.  It involves the use of communication and reasoning to assist people to accept something.  It could take different forms like dialogue, written communication, visual presentation or other ways of communicating information.  For Cialdini, persuasion or “influence means change.  That change can be in an attitude, a perception, or a behaviour.  But in all instances, we can’t lay claim to influence until we can demonstrate that we’ve helped create a change in someone.”

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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Once I was present at the evaluation of a course by a group of students.  The students were very outspoken and criticized almost everything about the course.  They had quite harsh words also against the way the director handled the course.  The director, who was chairing the evaluation, sat through the whole process patiently, listening attentively, occasionally pointing out some facts without trying to justify anything.  He was in control of himself, never lost his temper, did not talk down to anyone, and said what he had to say with an effective voice.  At the end of the session, I overheard one of the students, who was rather new, asking another student: “How could you be so forthright and critical?”  The other replied more or less in these terms, “We know the director.  He is soft-spoken but tough.  He can take any criticism and will not retaliate.  He is a man of honour who wishes the good of others.”  The director, in other words, was a meek person.

What is Meekness?

            Different dictionaries describe meekness as the quality of being quiet, gentle, moderate, mild, submissive, and unwilling to argue or express one’s opinions.  The word meekness as it is used in the Bible or in the statements of Jesus (Mt 5:5; 11:29) implies much more and has nuances that are not stressed in the modern-day descriptions.

            In Mt 11:29 Jesus says: “learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart” (NAB).  Many translations use the word “gentle” in the place of meek.  The original Greek word that is translated in English as “meek” or “gentle” is praus.  We do not enter into a detailed analysis of this word here.  But according to Biblical scholars this word may be better translated as being “temperate; exercising strength under control, demonstrating power without undue harshness.”  It has to do with being considerate and not being overly caught up with a sense of one’s self-importance.  It is the opposite of self-assertiveness and self-interest.  According to William Barclay, “There is gentleness in praus but behind the gentleness there is the strength of steel, for the supreme characteristic of the man who is praus is that he is the man who is under perfect control.  It is not a spineless gentleness, a sentimental fondness, a passive quietism.  It is a strength under control.”

Jose Kuttianimattathil, sdb

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