Meeting God

Are you looking for Love? You are the dwelling place of Love.  Do you seek Wisdom?  Wisdom dwells within you.  Have you been desperate? Hold on to your inner faith.  Does your soul long for peace?  The source of Peace belongs to you.  Is your patience running out?  Place your attention on your breath.  Yes, “All that you need is already within you,” says William J. Bowerman.  This is ancient, yet ever new wisdom that longs to pitch its tent within you.

            A few years ago, I was puzzled with the verse from Genesis1/26, which says, “God created human beings in His own image and likeness.”  I could not understand and accept this fact.  Later, I read Rick Warren’s book, Purpose driven Life, and understood that we are spiritual beings like God; we are not just our body and mind alone.  Our original identity is that we are spirits.  Hence, we are divine within.  When I heard the call of the Divine within waiting with eager longing for my return home with Him, the world of dualism disappeared.

Sr Nambikkai Kithari SAP

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My Enemies & Blessings

One fine evening, as I was praying the psalm, “When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall” (Psalm 22: 12)”, I was struck by a question, “Who are my enemies?  I could not get any name or person’s face as my enemies.  I was surprised to hear the following as answer from within:  my fear, anxiety, worry, inferior feeling, hopelessness, guilt, anger, etc., are my enemies.  Against these negative feelings I was waging war, not knowing that I had only to surrender to the Lord in faith.

The greatest blessing in Religious Life is that I get ample opportunities to grow in self-awareness, self-knowledge and self-esteem.  A good number of persons—preachers, teachers and other enlightened persons—I came across, to whom I could open myself, my inner self, get help and be transformed.  Good books helped me, too. I have always experienced tremendous faith in the invisible, intuitive presence of God in my life.

In 2003, on January 26. Sunday (Republic Day), I was in one of the Communities in Eluru, Andhra Pradesh.  The young Sisters had gone to the villages for teaching Catechism and for Mass.  I had decided to visit a home for the mentally challenged children, run by the Missionaries of Charity (Mother Theresa’s Sisters), located in Vangaya Gudem in Eluru, just one and a half kilometre away from our convent.  My Superior had given me sixty Rupees for the auto fare. I decided to use that money to buy sweets for the children, and go there on foot. I had no companion to go with me.  Although it was daytime, walking alone in an unknown place scared me.  At that time, I could not speak or write the local language (Telugu).  Fear enveloped me.

Sr Nambi Kithari SAP

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As I am always fascinated, energized, enlightened and motivated by the word love, I wish to share my encounter with love.

In 2002, I came across these beautiful lines from Khalil Gibran’s most celebrated book, The Prophet.”  I was moved to tears to know the way of love. Here is what Gibran says:

“When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
He threshes you to make your naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,

that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.”

Sr Nambikkai Kithari SAP

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In the 15^th year of my Religious life, God gave me a wonderful message: Get wedded to silence.

Silence from the need for self-justification, from the need to argue and prove my worth, from the need for name and fame and from the need to be appreciated and approved by others.  One fine evening, I began to ask myself what more the Lord wants from me, besides my teaching profession.  The answer that knocked at the door of my heart was, “Be my Witness” (Acts 1: 8), but how?  Hardly had I known then that to be a witness to Christ means to die to myself, to my self-righteous ways, to my merely rational thinking, to my judgemental attitudes and so on.

              Slowly and steadily, the Lord began to mould me and shape me.  This was my desire, too, as I love to sing often the hymn, “Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way; thou art the potter, I am the clay; mould me and make me after thy will.”  Often, I used to tell the Lord: I do not love others as I ought to or as you wish me to.  Then I happened to read the words of an author called Kyle Idleman, “We love others best, when we love God most.”  Here I caught the secret.  One day, in the secret of my heart, I told the Lord that I wanted to love Him round the clock. The Lord took seriously what I had whispered in secret.  He then sent days and months where I could go to no one except to Him for love and consolation, for strength and support, for refuge and rest.  His invisible presence enabled me to embrace each day and make wisdom my guide, patience my companion and humility my strength.

Sr Nambikkai Kithari SAP

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It was just the first year of my life as a Headmistress of a Matriculation School, where the classes were up to IX standard. We formed a happy family. The staff and students were happy with the way we organized our life in the school.

Suddenly, after the Easter celebration of 2011, I received the transfer letter, to be the Principal of a Matriculation Higher Secondary School.  To my surprise, within three days I was asked to go to another Matriculation School. I was ordered to leave immediately, forgoing even my home holidays (which we used to get once in two years for fifteen days).  Meanwhile, I received a phone call from a companion and friend, saying that there was a problem in that particular school between the parents and management, of which I was unaware.

Tough New Job

I tried two or three times tell my provincial of my hesitation to go to that new place, but I could not get a chance.  I entered the Convent Chapel and said a small prayer, “Lord as I live here, I will live there in the new place too.  You go before me, and I will follow you.” Years later, I understood that a person who was trying to motivate me to go had ulterior motives.  Then I recalled the words of Scarlet Koop, “Time passes, and you begin to see people for who they really are and not who they pretend to be.” After all, there are well-meaning and not-so well-meaning persons everywhere.

Sr Nambikkai Kithari SAP

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How to explain how we can meet God, experience his love and protection, and feel blessed?

When you are depressed, worried, restless… and, in a short time, experience miraculous answers.

God has come to my rescue many times, either directly, or through people, including strangers.

The Almighty is my Miracle Worker. I say so, because, from the time I have given my Lord the first place in my life, surrendered my life and my family to Him and accepted His will as my will, He has helped me to look at things positively and live my life whole-heartedly,  even in the midst of storms in my life.  His grace has sustained me. I am grateful to God for the gift of my Life.

I am sixty-six, a retired teacher who taught for thirty-one years. I am content and living a fruitful and fulfilled life, as a mother, grandmother and a happy human being. I praise and thank God for the good and not so good experiences I have encountered. They have made me God-fearing, optimistic, stronger, wiser and to accept life as it comes cause ‘Every thing will pass.’ He assures me of this.

As Psalm 27, 1 tell us, ‘The Lord is the strength of my life.’

My Life Journey

I consider myself very blessed to have had a happy, simple and comfortable childhood. I lived in Bhusawal.  My parents are my human God—humble, hardworking and dedicated—who brought up their seven children with the utmost care and sacrifice, and showed us God’s loving face. This was the foundation for my life.

At sixteen, I joined CSU, then AICUF, organised by our parish in Hubli. There I attended various programmes, like the Youth Convention, Moderators Course, Transactional Analysis,  thanks to Fr. Anthony Lobo. Priests like the late former priest Fr Oriol Pujol, Fr Jude and Fr Sidney  were instrumental in lighting that hidden spark within me.  They transformed me from a timid shy child into a bold, vibrant achiever, a child of God.

At twenty-one, I started to argue, question and doubt God and the Bible. Fr John D’souza, a charismatic from Mumbai, put my fears and doubts to rest when, after a long discussion, he said to me, “Rozanna, no one, not even the Pope, will be able to answer all your questions. Faith in God and religion are built on Faith. This can be understood and felt only with your heart, and not your head.” My thinking immediately changed; my faith increased. Many thought I would join the convent. I clearly remember, While making my six-day retreat, Fr Coyne from Goregaon Seminary, Mumbai, told me, “You can be a true witness to God, either as a Mother Superior or as a lay person.” And sure enough, my Lord gave me ample opportunities to serve Him as I reach out to people in His name, helping not only family members and relatives, but also disturbed teenagers, troubled  parents, marriages on the rocks, those who have lost faith, etc. All this is because He resides in me. I have continuously been inspired, motivated and guided by my Sister principals and priests and I deem it my responsibility to do the same with joy, trusting in His hand.

Balancing Home Life and Teaching

Balancing family life and my work at school was extremely tough, challenging and demanding. I had to handle both fronts to the best of my ability. God would help me out always.  I wanted to be a role model at home and in school.  I hardly faced major hurdles in bringing up my three children.  They were responsible, industrious, humble and independent, never demanding. The main credit goes to my husband for being my right and left hand, always supportive and helpful. I took pride in doing all my household chores, moulding my children and making them God-centred, giving them their space and my time. Daily rosary, reading the bible and reflection, dialoguing together with household chores—all this was our everyday routine. Just as the Lord left his ninety-nine sheep and went to bring the one lost sheep, I too went through a similar situations, but my Lord lifted me on his shoulders and walked me through.

I love my home and my second home—my school. If you  plan things out systematically, get the cooperation of your family, and God reigns in your home, nothing prevents you from doing justice at both fronts. Thus, I was able to concentrate on my passion—my vocation of teaching. I received one hundred percent support from all my Sister principals. This made me step out of my comfort zone and give my all to my teaching and students. My Lord was there. ‘I trust in the promises of my Lord Jesus with all my heart and I lean not unto my own understanding/ ideas/ experience.(Proverbs 3:5) Thus I was able to balance my  home and school—although I must say that at times it was extremely stressful.

What Makes Me Happy and Sad

I delight in small and big things.  To see my husband and children and my seven grandchildren happy and content gives me utmost happiness. Helping them out when requested makes me feel so complete. The same goes with my relatives and near and dear ones;  their happiness is my happiness. I feel satisfied when I give my 100% in all I do and say. I enjoy cleaning, stitching, cooking, gardening and doing odd jobs at home. I create work for myself, as I cannot see myself idle. Playing word games and listening to music gives added satisfaction. I feel blessed when the Lord uses me to help those in need, empathizing and counselling them. I feel blessed when I can convert a negative situation into a positive one. This is the Lord’s doing.

I am used to talking to God and myself, and this keeps me going. When I am misunderstood and wrongly judged and accused, that saddens me. When I am not forgiven by someone I dearly love, it tears me apart. At that time I sing the hymn, “In His time.” Everything will happen in His good time. When I am helpless and unable to help anyone in need, it makes me uncomfortable. I then lift all this up to the Almighty.

Overcoming Difficulties

‘My Peace I give unto you…let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.’ (John 14:27)

My first principal, Sr Ann Henrietta,  gave me a bookmark which read: “Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen today that You and I together cannot handle.” This has stood me in good stead. God and Life have been good to me on the whole and, when I was confronted with bumps on the path, He stood by me. I did hit rock bottom, which took a terrible toll on me, but I was able to look at it optimistically, later.

I was forced to leave my twenty-six-days-old baby daughter with my parents in Hubli as I was on company visa and had to return to Dubai immediately after my delivery. This was my biggest mistake, though I had no option. My daughter experienced anger, rebellion, hatred and rejection, and it kept building as years passed. I did all I could to heal my daughter. At that crucial time the Lord visited me through counsellors, priests, my principals and many others. I respect my daughter and her feelings and her subtle anger and hatred towards me. I pray for her healing and am learning to live with it. I thank God for His grace and I know my God will not let me down. I am now able to cope with any eventuality and tough situations—an accident, health issues of my husband and grandson. The pain and struggle are there, but somehow I experience peace within. Who else can give me that Peace?

Lessons I Have Learnt

Life teaches us innumerable lessons—through nature,  experiences of others or your very own. One needs to be awake, aware, accept, act and move on. I am always open to constructive or destructive criticism.  I have learnt that:

• If I want my Lord to hear me and help me, I need to be clean in mind, heart and lips;
• Accept His will as my will;
• Trust in Him totally;
• Give my 100% in all I do and say to experience satisfaction;
• Accept myself as I am and love my self, respect others and not judge anyone
• God speaks to me through people and I on my part need to reach out to others;
• Look at things positively and accept the inevitable;,
• LOVE, LOVE, LOVE…keep giving of yourself and never expect anything in return;
• Bless those who give you and bless those who do not give you too.

I end by saying I am truly blessed by God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit for His tender mercies to me and all whom I love, above all for the His gift of my life, which I live to the fullest in my own little way.

Rozanna Rodricks

(Rozanna Rodricks is a retired English teacher. She now enjoys a happy life in the company of her three well-settled children and her doting seven grandchildren. And still in touch with her second love—teaching)

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Inspired by the enthusiasm of a campus youth group, this young woman discovers the beauty of faith, goes as a missionary to Assam, finds answers to intense loneliness, and discovers God as her one and never-failing love. She has some good suggestions for church personnel.–Editor

 You are a member of Jesus Youth. Why? What does being a JY mean for you?

My call to Jesus Youth Movement was a very special choice from God. During the initial days of my college, I came across a very different and vibrant group of youth who always radiated an extraordinary and exceptional kind of energy which I had noticed in no other group. As the days went by and I became more familiar with my college and its normal life, I came to know about the Jesus Youth team in the college and, surprisingly, this energetic folk were the active members of the JY group. Then I realized the cause of their distinct characteristics.  I too was attracted to that movement.  Eventually I became an active member of the group. Later on, I was elected as a campus coordinator of Jesus Youth.   Since then, JY has been continuously forming and moulding me in such a way to get to know my Lord in a very personal way. JY gave regular formation for being committed to Jesus and a life-style which is focused on personal prayer, sacraments and the Word of God. Being a Jesus Youth always reminds me to radiate the youthfulness of Jesus.

Malu Thomas

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A young woman executive shares her experience of meeting God in silence—and how it is particularly relevant during this pandemic. –Editor

“God speaks the language of silence.” I heard this for the first time when I went for a meditation retreat and it has stayed with me ever since. I was fascinated, thrilled at how meditating on nature, on scripture, on our body can give us such insight; that we could hear Him whispering through the promptings of our heart. It is also said that when it comes to this language of silence, we aren’t fluent in it, but God masters it and therefore it necessitates that God be in control, He takes charge.

Silence—and a Chance to Move Inward

During this lockdown period, I’ve found ‘listening’ to be a theme that has been emerging for me. It started off with the reduced noise levels in the outside world due to reduced traffic. I began to hear birds chirping, the sound of nature, His creation. I was delighted to spot four varieties of birds that I hadn’t seen before outside my window! Almost like an invitation to listen, to observe!

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Pearl D’Souza