Out of the blues came this invitation to share a bit of my journey along the path of Consecrated Chastity. Though this was not in my itinerary, while I am immersed in some other business, I take it as God’s challenge to look inward, and well … to give Him His due!
Recalling his own mandate, the prophet Jeremiah exclaimed: “The word of the Lord came to me saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.’” (Jeremiah.1:5)
I see this call, not as a deliberate choice that came from me one fine day, when I had to decide how I would like to spend the rest of my life. Looking back, it seems something that flowed naturally into what I seemed made and moulded for, a kind of predefined path that unfolds before you as you walk along. Seemingly so natural, and yet? Later I wondered how the others around me, my friends and siblings, did not seem to choose it as their way of life.
I am happy to share just a little bit of my story. At the age of sixteen, my SSC examinations just over, I somehow felt I had to move on – whatever that meant. My dad, a teacher, had his ambitions for me, and he took it for granted that the next logical step was to enter a college.
What next?
Though I did very well and had a passion for study, it did not seem to me then that this was the time for it. I did not give it even a first thought, let alone a second thought! Yet, I had not articulated with certainty what that next step would be. There followed three days of reflective silence at home. My mother thought I was unwell. But in those three days I had gone to see a priest of our parish who knew me well. I blurted out: “So, what do I do next?” He was surprised, for he too thought it natural for me to go in for higher studies. I told him clearly and with no reservations that I intended to enter a convent. He was a young priest. He asked me to consult our former parish priest, who knew my family well. In the meantime, he told me there were different congregations, engaged in different apostolates – no one spoke of ‘charisms’ then. It was before Vatican II.
The call within me was so strong; which congregation I would join seemed immaterial to me. When I said that I loved teaching, he pointed to some of the congregations I knew – including the Canossians with whom I did my schooling. I had no special attraction for them – but I saw it as a possible way of living what I felt within.
The next hurdle was: Why so soon? You could wait for two or three years and finish your college by then. Again, I felt the tug that it had to be NOW. I went to see that senior priest. After hearing me out, he agreed that if I felt so strongly that it had to be ‘now’ – then go, now.
Back to the young priest. He told me I should be telling my parents about all this. I must have been really dumb, or obsessed or possessed – for I had not even thought of this. After all, it is my life! Coming back to my mother, I told her that I was okay; but yes! I want to join the Convent! A bombshell! She told my father about it. Even today I marvel at their faith and belief in me. Neither of them questioned my decision; nor did they come in the way or try to dissuade me. Then I was told I should approach the Superior with my request. All these steps seemed mere formalities for me – if God calls me, who is to oppose me? The innocence and freshness of a sixteen-year-old!
Anyway, in three months’ time I was already a postulant.
Sr Esme da Cunha FDCC
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