The writer member of a secular institute, a medical doctor with specialization in neurology.
I belong to a Salesian secular consecrated order, the Volunteers of Don Bosco (VDB). From early childhood, I felt attracted to the idea of belonging to God alone, to Him who loves us best. This pull and desire was so intense that no human love, however great, could come close. This was despite being born in a very loving family and being blessed with some close and wonderful friends. As a child, I remember seeing the profession and ordination of many religious and being told about the vows that they were making. But to my mind, as I grew older, I preferred the term “evangelical counsels” better, as advised by Jesus in Matthew and St Paul in 1 Corinthians. This is a very special desire and a grace that God gives to those whom He has chosen, to be able to love chastely and with an undivided heart.
I like to picture it as having our human hands, metaphorically speaking, hands that are limited and hence can only hold so much, being so full of gifts that one could not hold more items. So, I would liken celibacy to putting down the items in our hands, in order to hold something bigger, brighter and immensely more precious, in response to a call from the Lord. This means seeing and having God as the first and only choice and never as a compromise or as a second choice.
The Joy of Being in Love!
What a joy it is to be in love with God! This treasure within that seems so unbearably precious that it makes one feel like shouting it out from the roof tops, is what I have experienced from early on. When I was little, I didn’t know how to articulate my thoughts, and I just felt so specially loved by God. I always felt that He had chosen me for Himself, despite me being a stubborn, self-willed child who was very far from anything angelic.
Mine is a late vocation, entering my congregation at thirty-four years and making my perpetual profession just last year, ten years down the line. My profession for me was a deeply moving experience. I will always be grateful to God for this gift of vocation and for choosing me. I grew up in a family where we were always taught, quite early on, about healthy sexuality. I had a very supportive and open relationship with my father, who was trained in psychology. I remember him anticipating my growth, both physical as well as mental, and telling me that it was natural as a teenager to feel attracted towards boys. I also remember growing up amidst many of my classmates at the time (as I studied in a big metropolitan city) who had boyfriends, feeling a dissonance that nothing and nobody compared to having Jesus for my best friend and partner. I felt this way from very early on. It was difficult for me to explain to my friends or peers how deeply I felt this, all while enjoying the usual fun things that teenagers did. Being from a strong Catholic family, I followed all that the church prescribed, but I wasn’t particularly religious. I just often felt very deeply moved by readings from certain saints, who spoke about the love and heart of Jesus, such as St. Margaret Mary Alacoque and St. Faustina, and had the constant prayer, “Jesus, make my heart burn more and more in love for You.”
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