The last three psychology columns presented the importance and relevance of friendships within celibate living. The last of these presented some heterosexual attachment dynamics that we need to keep in mind. In this column, I present eleven personality characteristics and behaviours that contribute to maintaining man-woman relationships within a celibate commitment at healthy levels, and contribute to psychosexual maturity.
- Clear Sense of Our Celibate Identity
To enter into close heterosexual relationships, with all the challenges they involve, we need to be psychologically mature. We need to have a reasonably sound self-identity before we can face the challenge of intimacy. We need to have clear notions of what it means to be a celibate. We need have some clarity with regard to its demands. We need to have a clear sense of our celibate boundaries and the capacity to deny gratification of impulses that would violate them.
2. Seeing Friendship as a Gift
Friendship is a gift. If we do not have one, it may not be wise to go in search of one. A free gift of providence should not be forced or sought as an answer to a persistent need. Rather, our attitude should be one of relaxed and gracious openness to the offers of friendships that come our way. We accept them gratefully when they come our way, cherish and nourish them. If we look back on our lives, we realise how many friendships were offered to us, and how often we rejected them through one kind of fear or another. We don’t need to run after friendships or demand friendships from others; they will come to us.
FR. JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB
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