Here is a clear, open and competent discussion of an experience which affects many, but which very few discuss openly. –Editor
Fr John and Sr Liza had been friends for some years. They enjoyed their friendship. They felt much affection for each other. Whenever they were able to spend some time together, they were energised and left feeling good. Both felt their friendship was enhancing their relationship with God and their ministry. Both their communities were aware of their friendship, and were appreciative.
However, some years later, Liza realized that her feelings for John had become very intense. She was in love with him. She began to think of him obsessively and wanted to be with him. Thoughts of marriage with John frequently crossed her mind. At the same time, she was aware how committed John was to his religious life and priesthood. She knew he wouldn’t be open to marriage.
Liza was secure enough in her relationship to tell John what she was going through. John showed himself very understanding. He said he knew how she was feeling. He too had very deep affection for her. But he knew what his priority commitments were. He knew, he told her, that she too was deeply committed to her religious life. This was a crisis in their relationship that she had to work through. He suggested that she needs time by herself to sort things out, maybe with the help of a spiritual director. He would continue to be close to her and pray for her.
Liza took John’s suggestion. With the help of the spiritual director, she was able to sort things out. The turbulence in her heart and mind settled down. She realised she could have deep feelings for John and yet remain a deeply committed religious. What she went through, she realised was “temporary insanity.”
CAUTION NEEDED
Heterosexual friendships contribute significantly to psychosexual and emotional integration and enrich our relationship with God, with people and our ministry. However, we have also to be aware of them and learn to deal with them effectively, can also have a harmful effect on our celibate living. Some of these dynamics are described below.
- Exclusive? Heterosexual friendships can lead gradually to an exclusiveness and captivity of the heart which can draw us away from the distinctive companionship of God in Jesus of Nazareth, which is the primary reason for celibate chastity. The intensity of the friendship can put a curb on our single-mindedness in following Jesus and working for His Kingdom. It can strangle our freedom, openness, and availability to all.
FR JOSE PARAPPULLY SDB
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