Sr. Igora was a great formator, appreciated by everyone. She was able to win the confidence of even difficult and troublesome formees and help them to change. When I asked her what approach she followed in dealing with the formees, she said that she used the “Win/Win” approach. She said that she had learned the “Win/Win” approach from a course she had attended on leadership. Although she could not recall much of what she had learned in that course, she said that the words “Win/Win” remained deeply etched in her mind. She approached every person and every situation with this attitude “I must win, he/she must win.”
Exploring the “Win/Win” approach, I came to realize that it is a strategy that is used in business dealings and negotiations to resolve conflicts, which could be adapted to community situations. In essence, the Win/Win strategy consists in dealing with persons or situations in such a way that everyone benefits in one way or the other; there are no losers, only winners.
“In the long run, if it isn’t a win for both of us, we both lose. That’s why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.” (Stephen R. Covey)
In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey presents a detailed description and analysis of the Win/Win strategy. According to Covey, the approaches that people take in interacting with others can be brought under six broad categories, namely, Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win, Win/Win or No Deal.
Let us look at each of these attitudes briefly.
- Win/Win: People with a ‘Win/Win” attitude look for the benefit of all. They have a mindset which says: “I must win. He/she also must win.” They look for agreements or solutions that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. “Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others” (Covey, p. 207).
- Win/Lose: In this approach, a person tries to win by making the other lose. The attitude underlying this position is that for me to win, you have to lose. I get my way by ensuring that you don’t get yours. This is the attitude or frame of mind (paradigm) with which many of us have grown up. In families where we are constantly compared with others, in schools where we are graded, in sports where winning is by defeating the other, we learn this attitude. This is the attitude of the world of competition. But the fact is that most of our life is not competition. We do not have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our colleagues, our community members. “Who’s winning in your marriage? is a ridiculous question. If both people aren’t winning, both are losing” (Covey, p. 209). If all the members of a community are not winning, the entire community stands to lose.
Our life is interdependent, not independent. Most of the things we want in life can be achieved only through cooperation, not competition. If you want to become a good singer, for example, you have to cooperate with your music master, with the employees who maintain the place where you practice, with the doctor who sees to your health, etc. The Win/Lose attitude discourages cooperation and so, is dysfunctional.
Fr Jose Kuttianimattathil SDB
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