“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ (Jeremiah 29:11)
I believe that this verse was made specifically for my life, starting from the time of my conception.
I was born to a multilingual, intercultural and interreligious family. My mother was a Malayali Catholic and my father was a Bengali Hindu. While growing up, I was exposed to both the religions and had a neutral mind set on who God was. My most favourite person in the world was my father. He was like the centre of my life.
On October 3, 1999, I lost my father to a tragic traffic accident—a head-on collision. With that, things began to go downhill. Being an elder sibling, I was perceived to be the most understanding one who would by default adjust to the situation then. My sister was given a lot of attention and fuss, as she was only three at that time. All felt she would miss her father more. But the actual truth was just the reverse. I, who had experienced my father’s love and affection in person, missed him more. The sudden change in scenario made me more jealous towards my sister. This jealousy slowly took the form of hatred in my heart. I used to hit her and was very impatient with her.
That’s when we entered the gates of Divine Retreat Centre in 2000 and experienced God’s love for the first time in our lives. I benefited especially from the children’s retreat. My spiritual progress in God’s love was a slow and steady healing process, which took around fifteen years. Every year we used to go meticulously for summer retreats to Divine, and each year I would overcome an inner wound and grow more in faith. But I still found myself unworthy to serve him. Being a part of any ministry never occurred to me. I thought that only the holy ones with gifts and visions are called serve the Lord.
In the 2014 power youth conference, Fr Rob Galea from Australia spoke about the ministry of St Peter. He said that Peter was the most ineligible member among disciples to be a leader, but on him stands the foundation of the catholic church. Moved by this awareness, I started my ministry service and joined the Chennai Magnificat in 2015. While being a volunteer, I learnt how to do intercessory prayers and see God’s will in each and everything that happens around me. Being a part of the children’s ministry came as a surprise, as my past history with my baby sister was not very pleasant. Then again, who would understand the pain and inner wounds of a child more than me? My patience and gratitude increased as I praised God with the little ones. As years progressed, I was a part of collecting prayer requests from Chennai Magnificat and sending it to Divine Retreat Centre. While doing so, I used to pray over each and every request and type them in my laptop.
Nibedita Dey
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