What happened to this Canadian in his youth looks similar to what happened to St. Augustine and several others.
“I imbibed the poison and stopped going to the sacraments and ceased praying,’’ he says. The ‘poison’ he speaks of refers to the social and cultural revolution of the 1960s, when religion was ridiculed and the Church was mocked. ‘’I soon drifted out of my Catholic faith, thinking I was leaving behind a ‘myth’ that was no longer real. As my intellectual falsehoods and moral confusions increased, I felt a void growing within me. After years of this pride and rebellion—when I thought I was an autonomous, superior and free being—God permitted me to see the actual condition of my soul. He allowed radical evil to assault me as a spiritual presence that was so dark and terrifying that I felt paralyzed, totally helpless to defend myself…It was the pit of total darkness, total terror, and absolute abandonment.’’
“But at that very moment I cried out to God and he rescued me,’’ he says. ‘’From a small spark in my soul a weak but desperate cry leaped out of me. ‘O God, save me!’ Instantly, the horrifying presence of evil retreated and the peace of God filled me for the first time in many years. Then I knew that God was not far away—He is never far away—if only I would look up, if only I would ask.’’
This is how the most painful moment of his life became the most beautiful moment for Michael O’Brien. That was the moment when he met Jesus Christ and was “given instantaneous knowledge that everything the Church and the Gospels had taught was true. It is the ultimate Real.’’ In the months and years that followed the Lord helped him find deep healing and gradually discover the path for his life in him.
Fr M A Joe Antony SJ
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