Here is a bit of my personal story, in case it helps any of you.
During and after my years of theological studies, I went through periods of depression. This was linked, among other factors, with my vocational search and lack of clarity. I experienced deep anxiety, fears, lack of interest, loss of confidence, inability to eat or sleep. There were times when I longed to find a trustworthy and helpful person with whom I could share my struggles.
The first reaction of a superior with whom I spoke was surprise. “You, of all people, having these doubts and fears?” I was considered successful, popular, and what not.
What helped me? Individual counselling and spiritual direction (hard to distinguish the two in real life) did. Counselling groups some of us set up in Pune, in which we shared our struggles and pains, did. The experience of God’s care and guidance did. The Word of God, which had not become real for me during the theology classes, became really real. God became more real, not simply a topic we discuss in class.
Looking back, all this was providential. My experience deepened my awareness of life, of the struggles of people, and made me more compassionate. People who looked confident and sounded boisterous and ready to laugh, proved to be persons with deep pain and unhealed wounds. There were occasions when we wept for one another. We realized too how superficial our relationships in community are. We often judge others, because we do not know their pain.
Later, in individual and group counselling, I became more aware of the painful and at times frightening experiences people go through. Some give up hope. Others see themselves as worthless. Some blame their past—parents, other family members, uncaring adults in their childhood. Others blame themselves.
Hardly anyone is as confident as he or she looks. Most carry hidden hurts. Many long for a word of appreciation. Hordes of others wonder whether anyone really loves them. Both in secular settings and in religious circles, most seem to feel wanted for their usefulness—for the work they do. Genuine love and real concern for others’ happiness seems to be in terribly short supply.
Therapy included not only warm and gentle sharing. There were hard and blunt encounters. I remember, for example, the tough way Fr Tony De Mello confronted me (and others)—in private and in public. It was hard, but good for me. Most people smile at us, pass superficial compliments (“Nice to see you!” “Happy New Year!” etc.), and then speak ill of us behind our back. In therapy, there is both tender support and direct, even brutal confrontation. We need both—and it is not easy to find people who care enough about us to both affirm and challenge us.
Fr Joe Mannath SDB
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