CRYSTAL
A couple of months ago, my spiritual director asked me if I wanted to be a saint. Of course, my spontaneous answer was an enthusiastic “Yes!” He then went on to ask me if I really wanted to be a saint, enough so that I would still say ‘Yes” if he said sainthood would necessitate giving up something I really enjoy, such as drinking wine. How quickly my enthusiasm for sainthood faltered once I realized that sacrifice of a favorite beverage might be necessary.
Thankfully, that conversation was an exercise in determining my desire for holiness rather than an actual request for that particular sacrifice. But it spurred an internal, ongoing search for identifying whether I really wanted to be a saint, or simply ‘wanted to want’ to become a saint. It is humbling to realize how difficult it is to honestly answer that question. I can wholeheartedly agree that more than anything else, I want to be loved by God and others. I have also long believed that at the end of our lives, we will be judged on how well we have loved. So, the only link that must be made between the two is how fervently we are willing to put aside our natural inclinations for comfort and selfishness and pride, and focus instead on the desires God has for us. The big challenge is to keep alive in our minds and hearts the awareness that living truly holy lives is worth the cost.
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Crystal and Kevin Sullivan
