Consecrated life is beautiful and meaningful if it is lived for service and commitment. It is not just remaining unmarried. It is a joyful and loving life! It is the vow of love. In the words of Pope Francis, “A joyless community is one that is dying. The people of our time are waiting for words of consolation, the availability of forgiveness and true joy. We, consecrated men and women, are called to share this joy with a mother’s tenderness as facilitators and not as controllers of grace. The Church is not a refuge for sad people, but a house of joy.”
In this fragmented and fractured world, we are called to create relationships with nature, God and others through the vow of consecrated celibacy. It is a commitment to equality in a discriminating society. This vow frees us to be available at any time and for any ministry and even to die for others. Celibacy is not about being perennial adolescents whose lives are controlled by the superior. Our loving and happy life must be seen by others in our service to the unwanted poor.
The positive meaning of the vow of chastity is a quest for expansive love: loving God and the people in one’s ministry. Hence the emphasis could be changed from chastity to solidarity, compassion, tender and delicate love and non-violence. In practice, such an evolving meaning of the vow of chastity would take the emphasis off sexuality and take us toward an “expansive love of humanity,” sharing with those in need and rejecting the traditional human divisions of race, ethnicity, class, gender and/or sexual orientation.
The great scandal among the twelve apostles was not their failure in chastity. Most of them, if not all of them, were probably married. But one of the twelve apostles chose to betray Jesus for money (mammon). God’s competitor is not sex or marriage, but mammon (love of money),\.
Celibacy was not a major issue in the Bible. Paul, writing to Timothy, says that the bishop should be married only once. (cf. 1 Tim 3:2). Other ministers, like Aquila and Priscilla, who were endowed with evident charisms, were married.
Two practical insights given by Fr. Joe Mannath might help us to understand this vow better.
* To teach in a school or to work in a hospital, we do not need celibacy. In the West, such issues were faced decades ago, when they had to hand over the leadership of schools and other institutions to the laity. It is time we train laity for leadership roles in the church. The reason for celibacy is not work, but the inner awareness of being called by God to this particular way of living and loving.
* In many parts of the world, a vow of chastity is probably no longer a meaningful symbol to represent a commitment to God. I myself know—you, too, probably—excellent gifted, God-centred, apostolically oriented young people who are fervent, prayerful and generous, but who are not at all drawn to the vowed life that we religious are offering.
Here are some practical tips to live our life of chastity joyfully and meaningfully.
- Choosing celibacy makes sense only if God is real for us. A person can stay unmarried for a variety of reasons—family obligations, work, escape from family obligations, love of power, dedication to a profession. None of them is what the Catholic Church understands as celibacy. Celibacy makes sense only if Jesus and the Gospel way of life attract a person’s heart. Without this central attraction, it does not make sense to give up two of life’s best things—spousal love and parenthood.
- Without the discernment to see if God is calling a person to this way of loving, we have no right to coax anyone to give up marriage and parenthood.
- The vow of chastity is a call to love. We are called to love the poor, the unwanted, the marginalized, the migrants, the excluded, etc. So, too, celibacy does not become convincing or inspiring if I limit my care to those of “my group.” We are called to walk through the world as Jesus did—excluding no one from our love.
- We should learn to relate to others in a mature way. Most people need help to mature emotionally, and to learn to relate to men and women in life-enhancing ways.
- We must be careful to avoid temptation. We must not put ourselves in situations that might lead to sexual activity, such as being at close quarters with someone to whom we are physically attracted and not to be together in secluded spots, unless we absolutely know that we are fully in control of ourselves.
- We all need love, compassion, and respect. If we do not find this in the community, a vowed celibate life can be hard. So we may be tempted to watch movies and TV shows, engage in social media like the ‘Facebook’ and even venture into pornographic websites. These are the temptations that we should firmly reject.
- A chaste celibate life is for mature people, not protected by someone watching over us. It is a life lived by adults. One of the gifts of the Spirit is ‘self-discipline’ (cf. Gal: 5: 23-24).
- In the admonishing words of Pope Francis: “One of the dangers of a ‘sterile’ form of celibacy is bitterness and gossip. When a priest disagrees with his bishop or bishops disagree with others, they must air their difference face to face. This might bring negative consequences, but we must be ready for our cross.”
- The key to a fruitful life lies in opening oneself in prayer to God. A celibate who does not pray closes himself to the Holy Spirit. Transcend yourself and resist the temptation.
- Chastity has more to do with being loving than in sacrificing sexuality. We cannot limit our love to friends, family, caste, tribe and like-minded people. It calls us to an all-encompassing love rather than to a restrictive one.
- To be celibate is far more than being a mere bachelor or spinster.
Questions for Reflection and Sharing:
- What meaning do you find in a celibate life? How would you explain its meaning to a family member or close friend or to Catholic college student?
- Are most lay people inspired by most celibates they meet?
- Are we really proposing a vocational choice based on a God-experience, or only recruiting hands for work?
- Love is a must. Celibacy is not. Do most celibates come across as loving women and men?
- Pope Francis has spoken several times of the importance of joy. Do most celibates appear joyful?
- If you are a celibate: Do you find this way of life meaningful? Are most celibates you know joyful and loving persons? Would you recommend this way of life to a young man or woman you love (e.g., a close relative or friend)?
- If you are a married person: What meaning do you find in having celibate clergy and religious? Will you be happy if your son or daughter were to choose this path?
- Neither marriage nor staying single makes anyone happy or good. What can celibates learn from married couples? What can couples learn from celibates?
- Think of two or three celibate women and men who have inspired you. What have you learnt from them about the art of living?
If a friend or colleague from another religious tradition were to ask you, “Why are you and other sisters, brothers and fathers celibate?” what would you tell them?
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